Tuesday, July 1, 2008

don't let anyone poop on our party

It's hard to believe that I'm gonna get any bigger and more awkward in my movement. I can't get up into Greggie's camper anymore without a boost from him or an extra step under the back bumper, I have trouble getting up off the floor, I can't get comfortable enough to sleep without waking up 4 or 5 times a night, and I can't go 2 hours without having to pee, and fuck I'm huge! I'm getting so sick of being pregnant it's not even funny. And I can't drink! I didn't realize that teetotaling would bother me so much, but it does. It's not even heroin I'm craving (as much) anymore, it's a margarita filled with Padron ... or maybe a Jager-bomb ... or a couple of straight-up shots of Southern Comfort. Mmmmmmmm, alcohol. I can't fucking wait for this kid to be born- I deserve ONE booze-fueled night with my man, as long as I can find a good baby sitter. The good part is that if I have Greg with me, he'll keep me from over-indulging and from acting a fool when I get drunk. I haven't drank in so long, I bet 3 frozen drinks will put me in a good place. I wanna get drunk. Fuck other drugs- I want my alcohol! My birthday is on Sunday and I'm gonna throw caution to the wind and have ONE frozen drink. That's right haters- that wasn't a typo. I figure since I've only drank two (2) beers and no (0) liquor-drinks in five (5) months or more, one cold refreshment won't kill me or the baby. Who knows, she might even enjoy it.

Another bitch: my parents are leaving for a week, AND it's gonna be my birthday week, and Greggie refuses to spend the night with me at the house! "Your parents said I couldn't" he says, as if they are gonna be able to enforce it. But he's gonna be like that anyways, letting people HIS OWN AGE tell him what to do. He's always kissing my parents' asses, even when they aren't home. I wish he'd just do what I want, that he obviously wants to do as well. Don't even deny your true feelings, boo... you don't wanna listen to those spoilsports. Don't let anyone poop on our party- you know you want some fat freaky preggo sex in the comfort of the A/C!!!!

I payed $5 to get into kiddie movies every Tuesday all summer. Today I watched Shrek 3 for the first time (I also haven't seen Shrek 2) and it was stupid but fun. I got a thing about cartoons- all cartoons, except for Nick Jr (especially those obnoxious Wonder Pets!) because that stuff isn't cool if you're over the age of five- so $5 seemed like a good investment. Next week they are playing The Water Horse, which I absolutely refuse to watch. It's a movie about a sea monster! For those of you who don't know, I am terrified of boating, cruises, deep water, scuba diving, etc because of sea monsters, which do so exist. Folks have been seeing and reporting sea monsters as far back as we can find! Were they ALL full of shit? I don't think so... and that water horse is one scary sucka.

It took me 4 hours to finish writing this because I cannot fucking sit still no matter how hard I try. I'm smoking tons of weed in an attempt to even myself out, but I'm still fookin' krasy!


Melody said...

I feel for you, getting big and oh so clumsy is a drag, especially when you are used to bustling your (normal sized) ass all over the place, doing whatever you want. It's also one more thing that really makes the reality of it all sink in. There's no more pretending everything is unchanged 'cause the proof is staring at you every time you look in the mirror(or down at your feet for that matter). Chin up Girlie, it will be over before you know it and then you'll have that beautiful little girl to occupy your thoughts. Oh and I totaly agree with your deep water/ ocean phobia. The movie The Abyss was like my own personal idea of hell brought to life. Miles under the ocean, Aliens, Having to breath some weird liquid oxygen to survive? UGGHH, FUCK THAT!
Lots O' Love, Melody Lee

Coke Addiction Kinda Sucks said...

Well, if you're gonna go frozen, I've got to recommend a frozen mango or strawberry margarita from Chili's - they are the fucking shit (best I've tasted in FL anyway)! Oh, and they are 2 for 1 (no, I don't work for them!).

Anonymous said...

My two favorite cartoons are Courage the Cowardly Dog and Rocko's Modern Life.

And I don't think one drink is going to kill you. My sister in law drank white wine in moderation throughout her pregnancy and her baby girl is perfect.


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Michelle, smoking anything, especially cigs, during pregnancy can have some serious consequences. Did you know that it creates complications for the actual 'giving birth' process, that can lead to YOUR and YOUR BABY'S DEATHS? Did you know that it promotes miscarriages and still birth? That means you could GIVE BIRTH to a DEAD baby. Your making the little blood vessels in your baby's brain constrict so they are not getting enough oxygen which means they could have symptoms of retardation. Also, the obvious, the lung growth is extremely compromised. You could have a child with severe asthma and that will cost you thousands of dollars a year. Not to mention having to watch your child struggle to breath everyday and have to do all different kinds of breathing treatments. I want you to know that it will be YOUR fault becuase you were too damn selfish to quell your addictions for 9 months. Your baby doesn't deserve you as a mom. Why don't you take the help your loving family is handing out to you and take control of your life. You have them to lean on while most addicts have no one when they get clean. What are you gonna do when your child is born? You can't raise a healthy child in active addiction. I don't care how you rationalize it in your head. Your head is playing tricks on you as it is. Get help. You have peole that love you. It's not all about you anymore. That was also your choice. You let yourself become pregnant and now it's TIME to OWN UP to your actions.

Anonymous said...

WTF..Have you seen babies with fetal alcohol. You don't deserve your baby if your gonna drink and the baby certainly doesn't deserve you b/c she has no control over your actions. You are really selfish if you can't be clean and sober for nine months. Please do your baby a favor and give it up for adoption. The fact is i know you prob love your baby but you are not well enough to care for a child. It's just not safe for them to grow up in the environment your in. please help you r baby

Anonymous said...

You are so naive!

shelley said...

I'm 23, so what if I'm naive? I bet you were too at my age.


Anonymous said...

I'm 24.

Cocaine Princess said...

When you hold your little baby girl for the first time you're going to realize it was worth getting fat and having the morning sickness and having to pee constantly. Remember my dear friend, STAY HEALTHY!!!!!
Love you my friend forever. And oh yeah, stay safe!!

Cocaine Princess