picking on someone at her intellectual level

Had a party this weekend. It's nice to have friends my age, and a boyfriend my age who is fucking awesome, and a sweet little girl to entertain me and make me smile all day. I think the best part of a new relationship is that there aren't any arguments at all. None of that "why the hell did I get with him?" thinking, nothing to fight about at all, just happy faces and sexy bodies. And Jazzie likes him a lot, asks "where's Oz?" when he's not around.

But her favorite person besides me (and I know he's gonna read this eventually) is Rick. Jazzie was running all day long with only a 20 minute nap and some blueberries and raisins for fuel, and she was laying on the floor with her thumb in her mouth looking up at me. Just tired as all hell. Then Rick showed up because he left something at my place, and I told her "Rick is outside." She jumped up from the floor onto her feet and dashed towards the door, screaming "RICK! RICK! RICK!" She made it all the way through the wood chips, the sidewalk, and the wet grass barefoot just to say "hi Rick!" and wave at him when he left. If you are reading this dude, feel special. That baby fucking LOVES you.

I really am enjoying my life right now and all the haters can't stop that. Well, there's really only one hater but she couldn't find this website if I gave her the link and bookmarked it for her because she's too stupid to live (and fat). Yes, I'm referring to M3L!SSA!! the crazy ex-neighbor. She moved away, but she's still doing silly things like texting me the entire time I was in class talking about how my boyfriend is going to a car and bike show with her in Miami this weekend because he hates me and loves her. He basically hasn't left my sight since Thursday night, and I've asked her a couple of times if she and Oz are enjoying the car and bike show that they went to together. She responded by insulting my 18 month old on Facebook. I guess she's picking on someone at her intellectual level so I can't be too hard on her. Plus, it must suck to lose at everything you do and look like she does. If she doesn't leave me alone, I'm gonna toss her a link to this blog so that she can leave hater comments and all my readers (both of them) can see how much she sucks and maybe even dislike her as well.

so excited!

The guy is getting out of jail tomorrow and coming to see me! I'm so excited! He sent me the sappiest card (late valentines day thing, ugh) and said he's coming over around noon.

Jasmyne put on one of my chef hats and ran around the house. I got pics, but my pic uploader is being silly so when I get em uploaded I'll post. Also some new pics of me, looking sexy and slim at 130 pounds :) I can even fit into my pre-baby size 6 jeans which is awesome.

anyone can lie and cops are pricks

So, they switched our groups at school and I am now working with someone who doesn't know his asshole from his elbow. He couldn't even wash the dishes, just stacked em under the table and stood there while we attempted to make food. Lame. He's gonna drag down my average, and I'm almost at an A (89% at the moment). Tomorrow's quiz and my cilantro report/recipe should bring my score up to an A no question.

And yeah, I was catching a buzz off the hydromet. So? I'm out of it, and I'm still taking care of my business instead of going out to the hood to cop one more fix. All of that "addicts are addicts forever and can never use anything because one is too many and the drug causes all the compulsion to come back" crap is just crap. I can get high without acting like an asshole about it, I'm not some sort of diseased cripple. And btw I don't care what anyone was arrested for, anyone can lie and cops are pricks. I only care what people actually did. For example, if someone shot someone and then got arrested for pot, I'd avoid them way more than the person who got arrested for domestic violence without actually doing the crime. Living next door to an oxy addict? She's not an oxy addict, she's a liar who doesn't even do pills. It's just another layer of the facade.

Naomi- congrats to your sister for the new baby. They are so loud and obnoxious when they are born, no?

I miss my kid so much during the week, I only get to see her in the mornings and then I get home at 6pm and she goes to bed an hour and a half later. Fri-Sat-Sun is the only real quality time I get to spend with her, can't wait until the weekend.

finally, right? wtf?

Been busy, not really too busy to update. Just too lazy. Whatever, not like I'm getting paid for this or anything. Plus I have shit to do all weekend.

So, I started culinary school. I go 4 days a week in the afternoons, and Jazzie goes to daycare. She picks up every cold and every flu and every virus and gives it to me. I then can't even attend class without hydromet cough syrup so I end up with a bottle of that a month (and I might need another for Monday) because I will get thrown out of class for coughing. Lame. It works really well though. School is awesome. I love to play around with recipes in that enormous well-stocked kitchen, with their Meyer lemons and Hungarian paprika and 5000-year-old pink Himalayan mountain salt. Everyone at my entire school smokes pot, which I think is hilarious. I think my chef does, and he's a Chinese man in his 60s. My chef (my teacher) is awesome, we make tons of delicious food and I love everything about school except the bus.

I don't always have to take the bus, but since I don't get my stupid govt-issued driving permission slip until March (and even then, just the hardship license since it's been over a year since my non-driving felony conviction and I am almost eligible) I have to take it home from school often. It took me a while to figure out the best route from the school to my house. At first I was waiting 25 minutes for a connection, which was lame. Also that bus was just filled with smelly Haitians. Before anyone says "racism!" you gotta understand that I live in South Florida, filled with Haitians, and that no amount of sensitivity training in the world is gonna change the fact that these people constantly reek of fish, vinegar, and fetid garbage. I was waiting for my bus at [whatever] sitting on a divided bench, and an older Haitian man comes and sits right next to me. Not on the other side of the divider, not on one of the 3 empty nearby benches, but rubbing up against me so that his vinegar stank was touching my school clothes. Barf. He asked me what my name was, I said Leslie or Lola or something with an L. Then he asked if I was single. DOUBLE BARF! I told him I was married with three kids, which I figured was four problems too many to overcome. Then I got up and got the hell away from him. The smell was really bad. But other than Haitians, I don't mind the bus much. I don't really have to focus on anything like I do during the rest of my life, I can smoke at the bus stops, and now that I've figured out the proper route I don't have to smell any stinky people on my whole ride.

My daughter is awesome. She's almost 17 months now and not as chunky as she used to be. She walks by herself (kind of a penguin waddle, but fast), she goes to the potty every morning, she says sentences (example: "I drink it all"), she loves Dora the Explorer and Go Diego Go but hates Ni-Hao Kai-Lan (which is a pretty annoying show), she eats so many different delicious healthful foods, she puts her toys away when she's done, she loves to empty cabinets and drawers, she has tantrums all over the floor, she giggles when you touch her, she's afraid of guys and doctors, she loves to play with blocks, her favorite food is a cracker, she's still allergic to soy, and she's finally growing a little bit of hair!

Words that Jazzie can say include, but are not limited to: mama, grandpa, abuela, ball, block, cracker, hi, hello, bye, no, mine, yeah, yum, dora, map, backpack, orange, color, walk, park, shoes, dog, woof, meow, bird, up, oh no, uh oh, cheese, bread, drink, juice, panda, want, shit, poop, boob, now, more, and tickle.

Being clean is awesome. I got 2 years this month, by my rules of course. :) I don't do any of those bullshit meetings, but instead when I want to get high I man the fuck up and don't do it. That disease crap is all crap anyway.

I met a dude. He's actually in jail at the moment, but he's awesome. I met him when he was dating my neighbor, and she called the cops on him and said that he was beating her. I don't believe for a second that he was beating her. My neighbor also said that a friend of ours stole $300 from her and held her daughters head underwater, and that someone broke in and took a safe containing $700, and that someone else got arrested for having dirty needles all over the apartment, and that she got in a car accident and told the cop she was on roxys and the paramedics did a scoliosis test to determine whether or not she needed to be prescribed roxys, and a host of other fantastic stories which throw her trustworthiness into question. So yeah, he didn't beat her. But he is really sexy and a lot like me (scary huh).

Yesterday I went to the zoo with baby brother (who is here for the weekend) and our friend Rick and Jazzie of course. Jazzie loves to walk around the zoo and mimic all the animal noises. We had lunch at the overpriced zoo cafeteria, where I discovered that my kid won't eat french fries or chicken nuggets. Won't even TRY french fries or chicken nuggets, or for that matter hot dogs either. She wanted her yogurt, raisins, blueberries and pieces of cheddar cheese. I guess I've done a good job feeding her healthy, but she wouldn't even taste a french fry. What kind of a weird toddler?

I wanted to do this sort of general update so that I could update my boring daily stuff more often.

they don't see the irony in this AT ALL

Hey friends, stalkers, and assholes- I am now on myspace. I don't really know if I like it or not, but I figured I was the only American non-Amish under the age of 25 who didn't have a myspace, so I signed up. The url is www.myspace.com/floridashelley if anyone gives a crap.

I've decided what I want to do for a career, and that's cooking. Because of Jazzie's soy allergy I've had to be really creative in making food, since I can't go out to eat. It used to annoy me that I couldn't eat anything at any restaurant, but now I really enjoy going over menus and figuring out how to make the menu items tastier, healthier, and soy free. I'm making up my own recipes too, and trying them out. Jazzie loves to eat new foods (well, until a couple days ago because she's been pretty sick, barfing and shitting all over the place, she's finally getting better) so she enjoys it, and I love the complicated stressful running around multitasking chaos that is making a really complicated meal from scratch.

So in January, I'm going to the Florida Culinary Institute. When I was having my admissions interview, they asked for a copy of my high school diploma which I have. Imagine my surprise when I learned that the shitty boarding school I was forced in (and kept there with force) was not accredited by anything other than the guy running it. I did 3 1/2 years in high school, graduated and got a diploma, and technically I'm a high school dropout because my diploma isn't worth the paper it's printed on. I took a test to show that I know how to say "where are you?" instead of "where you at?" and that I can add fractions and do long division, so I got in anyways. I want to take the GED though, not for school but just for me. But I got accepted and financial aid is taking care of me with a Pell grant and a couple of student loans, so I start college (well, vocational school) on January 4th.

I'd go to school Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday in the afternoons. My mom will watch Jazzie Monday and Wednesday and then Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm gonna find a good day care for her. I need to find a day care that fits 3 qualifications:
1) close by (if my kid has an emergency, I don't want her to be in buttfuck egypt)
2) food allergy sensitive (don't give my kid crackers or apple juice)
3) cloth diapers ok (disposables cost too much damn $$$)
4) lets parents come in to see the babies whenever they want without an appt (nothing to hide)
5) lets me pay by the day and not by the week (I don't want to pay for 5 days and bring her in for only 2)
I think I might have found a place that fits all those qualifications but it's expensive. I'm going on Monday to check out their toddler class, where Jazzie would be.


Jazzie is such a big girl though, she loves to play with other babies and toys and crawl around screaming. She doesn't walk yet, but she says a lot of words and imitates everything. And she's growing so much hair! I bought her conditioner, although to be completely honest it's more wishful thinking than anything else.

Wal-Mart stopped selling shorts for "the winter." Apparently their corporate warehouses or whatever ship the same clothes to ALL Wal-Marts for the different seasons. The problem is, that leaves folks in northern Montana wearing the same clothes in November that the folks in Miami wear in November. and I bet the temperatures are slightly different. Like today, it's over 80 degrees and it's not even 9am. What the fuck "winter" are they referring to? All I see in Wal-Mart is coats, jackets, sweatpants, long sleeves, etc. If I wore those clothes I would pass out in the street. Baby only owns 1 coat, and she's only worn it twice (and both times for less than 1 hour). It doesn't get cold out this way until January at least, and even that "cold" is 50 degrees at the chilliest and lasts for less than 3 weeks. Fucking "winter."



I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate Al-Anon. Bunch of whiny empty nest bitches who were magically told by Jesus that if they go to enough retarded meetings and pray hard enough, little Johnny will stop smoking weed and their husband will stop drinking and beating their ass every day. "Al-Anon, help! My family hates me! They have an expensive, time-consuming habit that alienates them from the rest of the family because they think they need it and put their habit first and foremost, and that's just totally wrong! Please Al-Anon, I'll pay your fees, I'll donate, I'll put money down for the expensive hotel room for the 3-5 conferences every year, I'll buy stuff to hawk at the stupid conventions, I'll go to a meeting every day, I'll acknowledge that I *NEED* these meetings, I'll ignore my family and put the program first and foremost, anything to stop my kid/husband from having an expensive, time-consuming habit that comes first and foremost and alienates them from the rest of the family because they think they need it!" And they don't see the irony in this AT ALL. It's also slightly ironic to spend 60% of your life devoted to a program that teaches you to live and let live, and how you can't change other people, and you need to work on yourself, etc, and the other 40% of your life 9 ft up someone's ass, pissing and moaning and telling them the way they need to be doing things. Fucking silly. I'd rather she was smoking herb, I bet it's cheaper and takes less time.


Halloween was fun, Jazzie dressed up like a boy (and she fooled everyone, ha ha ha). We went to the stupid mall and went trick or treating, but since Jazzie is allergic to all that candy (chocolate = soy and fruit candy = apple juice) I just made her safe brownies to eat when she got jealous of the chocolate eating other kids. She loves brownies, she just shoved em in her mouth saying "MMMMMMMMMMM" while attempting to swallow them whole.

Jazzie has a new friend, this 2 year old girl named Celina, she's really cute and silly. Her folks are awesome too, and they live right down the street. :)


I'm really excited about Thanksgiving. Since I'm the one who can't eat anything, I'm the one who is making the entire dinner from scratch. It's going to be so exciting, I can't wait.

Anything else I forgot? If I did, I'll make an attempt to update more often because sometimes I'm just lazy and only want to play SHAPE SHIFTER and fuck around on the forums when I get online.

Jazzie's party pics

Happy first birthday Jasmyne Rose!!!!!!

My baby girl turns one today, she's got a stack of presents and I've been cooking all of yesterday (and shall be cooking again during her nap) for her big family party at my folk's house today. I will post lots of pictures.

a day in the life

I tried to put these pictures in order, but I'm not the most computer-savvy bitch alive (obviously) so here they are randomly. This is just one really fun day with baby, if you think it's boring or redundant I don't really care. Bask in the glory of Jasmyne's beautiful face.

at the grocery store

making sleepy faces on the changing table

right after eating a snack (banana)

the same grocery store trip as before, reaching for orange juice

look at her teeth! 8 of 'em now!

car seat chillin'

more grocery shoppin'- Jazzie loves mushrooms

at this indoor playground in Gardens

crawlin' around the house

more car seat chillin'

same indoor playground

bouncing her on the trampoline

eating... breakfast? lunch? dinner?

big smiles

she's like a puppy who got into her kibble, no?