Sunday, August 1, 2010

Go to facebook instead of here.

Been gone for a while. Refreshing to see folks still talking shit. Anyone who wants more Michelle can follow me on Facebook. My name there is Michelle Angelina and the profile pic is of Jasmyne. All of you haters and your "proof" can kiss my fat white ass. My baby is better taken care of than any of you were by your mommies. :)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

picking on someone at her intellectual level

Had a party this weekend. It's nice to have friends my age, and a boyfriend my age who is fucking awesome, and a sweet little girl to entertain me and make me smile all day. I think the best part of a new relationship is that there aren't any arguments at all. None of that "why the hell did I get with him?" thinking, nothing to fight about at all, just happy faces and sexy bodies. And Jazzie likes him a lot, asks "where's Oz?" when he's not around.

But her favorite person besides me (and I know he's gonna read this eventually) is Rick. Jazzie was running all day long with only a 20 minute nap and some blueberries and raisins for fuel, and she was laying on the floor with her thumb in her mouth looking up at me. Just tired as all hell. Then Rick showed up because he left something at my place, and I told her "Rick is outside." She jumped up from the floor onto her feet and dashed towards the door, screaming "RICK! RICK! RICK!" She made it all the way through the wood chips, the sidewalk, and the wet grass barefoot just to say "hi Rick!" and wave at him when he left. If you are reading this dude, feel special. That baby fucking LOVES you.

I really am enjoying my life right now and all the haters can't stop that. Well, there's really only one hater but she couldn't find this website if I gave her the link and bookmarked it for her because she's too stupid to live (and fat). Yes, I'm referring to M3L!SSA!! the crazy ex-neighbor. She moved away, but she's still doing silly things like texting me the entire time I was in class talking about how my boyfriend is going to a car and bike show with her in Miami this weekend because he hates me and loves her. He basically hasn't left my sight since Thursday night, and I've asked her a couple of times if she and Oz are enjoying the car and bike show that they went to together. She responded by insulting my 18 month old on Facebook. I guess she's picking on someone at her intellectual level so I can't be too hard on her. Plus, it must suck to lose at everything you do and look like she does. If she doesn't leave me alone, I'm gonna toss her a link to this blog so that she can leave hater comments and all my readers (both of them) can see how much she sucks and maybe even dislike her as well.

Thursday, April 15, 2010


Tax Day Tea Party today! Anyone interested in joining this pro-freedom pro-America grassroots movement, google the location of the nearest protest and help us fight for lower taxes, less spending and government entitlements, and personal freedom! I'll be in downtown West Palm Beach today at 6pm.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

*ell, you *in this round, ni**er

Been havin* fun, han*in* out *ith lots of different folks. Today is April fools day, and someone tried to s*itch the "double u" and the letter bet*een F and H as a joke. *hat they actually accomplished *as breakin* those t*o letters and made them totally unusable. Not sure if "unusable" is a *ord, but there it is either *ay.

Monday, March 22, 2010

wishful thinking

I wish I weighed 120 pounds. I actually weigh about 137 pounds, which is lame. I've been eating mostly vegetables like broccoli, brussels sprouts, spinach and lettuce, celery, cucumber, cabbage, radishes, spaghetti squash, carrots, and the like. I think all the green shit is messing up my stomach though. Sucks. I really love salads (every day it's what I eat for breakfast and lunch) but I only will eat protein-filled salads with crunchies. My typical salad has lettuce, spinach, celery, carrots, cucumber, brussels sprouts, broccoli, hard boiled eggs, chicken, bacon, cheese, and sliced toasted almonds. With all that stuff on there I don't need but a tiny drop or so of dressing, which I can make myself.

I have two weeks off from school! WTF am I supposed to do with myself and my kid during that time? I can't wait to get back and have something to do during the day. Right now I just smoke a lot, play outside or at the park, and go to Publix often to make some new healthful food. Bored to shit.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

rich people food

So, this guy's ex girlfriend is completely insane. But more than just insane. I can also add the following descriptive adjectives: stupid, immature, mean, petty, jealous, fat, ugly, spiteful, malevolent (that one she probably wouldn't understand), rude, cowardly, a liar, full of shit, stupid, throws temper tantrums like a toddler, inattentive as a mother, fat, compulsive eater, dirty, smelly, never cleans, STUPID, IMMATURE, middle school mentality, cop-caller, and more than anything else a LIAR. I was gonna write a list of offenses, both large and small, that this little girl (21 years old) has committed in the time that I've known her. Keep in mind that not all of these things are that bad on their own, but they do put together a personality profile that is quite unflattering:

-She lies constantly- about small things that don't matter (such as her daughter walked at 8 months and that she went to the emergency room for a rash), about bizarre things in an attempt for sympathy (such as she got into a car accident and hurt a newborn baby out of her car seat, and that she has severe scoliosis), and damaging lies about other people (those will be listed seperately).
-She types her name like this M3L!SSA!!
-She has a new "love of her life with him forever" ever couple of weeks or so (they always dump her every couple of weeks is why).
-She dated a Jewish guy who was basically Jamie Kennedy's character from Malibu's Most Wanted (I called him B-Rad, he actually would snap his fingers in the air and yell "daaaaaaaaamn nigga dat's mah jam!" when the new T-Pain or whatever song came on top 40 radio).
-She called the police on her other ex (the one I am sorta kinda with now) for beating her, which he never did.
-She told a friend's boyfriend that the friend had been sucking a black dude's dick in the back seat of a car, causing boyfriend to break up with her since boyfriend had never met M3L!SSA! and had no way of knowing how incredibly full of shit she is.
-She constantly text messages and talks to guys on myspace instead of watching her 2-year-old daughter, and then makes empty threats to slap her and put her to bed when she demands attention.
-She is fat (5'1 over 200 pounds), eats nothing but junk food, and is ugly.
-She never cleans her house (her live Christmas tree finally went out in March) and it smells awful in there, also doesn't take much of a shower.
-She is loud and annoying.
-She is stupid and has absolutely no depth to her.
-She accused my brother of buying stolen pills (the pills were never stolen)
-she txt b0mbz me all dae wit txt msgz tht l00k lyk thys
-She throws temper tantrums like a 4-year-old.
-She calls the police on anyone who says anything to her.
-She called my daughter fat, stupid, and ugly on text messages but is too cowardly to say anything to my face.
-She is delusional to the point where seeing her ex in the mall (he didn't see her) means that the two of them must be getting back together.
-She is desperate for a man, and desperation is ugly.
-She makes the lip-pursed dick sucking fish face in all of her myspace photos, which are mostly taken in the bathroom.
-She threatened to call the police and DCF on me for stealing pills (the ones I supposedly sold to my brother) and shooting heroin, stating that "the cops will believe me when they see your tracks."
-She comes into my house, eats all my food, leaves the dirty dishes laying out, leaves my kid's food laying out because her kid won't eat anything but McDonalds and when her kid says no she won't bother to put the food away and it goes bad, and then gets on my laptop and makes me watch both kids.
-She makes little comments about how fat my daughter is (the pot calling the kettle black, at least my kid is fat from blueberries and multi-grain bagels instead of Oreos and Happy Meals).
-She sends her mom (who is just as crazy as she is) to my house at 1030pm screaming about stolen pills.
-She drives unsafely and doesn't buckle her toddler into a car seat ever.
-She takes one sip of one beer and uses it as an excuse to act like a piece of shit all night because "I'M SOOOO DRUNK!!!!!"
-She pretends to do drugs to look cool in front of people.
-She threatened to get my daughter taken away over lies.
-She sends text messages revealing her hand: "if you keep messing with oz i will call dcf and tell them you're shooting heroin" and "see jon again and i'll call the cops". Incriminating evidence, anyone?
-She showed up at my house at 1130pm asking "is oz there?" banging on my door.

There is tons more, but that's enough for now. Threatening my daughter was her biggest mistake, because I don't fuck around when it comes to baby Jasmyne. I did something that I've never done before- I went to the police. With all the threats (on text message, easily provable) about false reports to DCF, I wanted to have it written down in an official report so that anything she says to DCF will immediately be colored as the lie that it is. I went to the police station and filed a report for verbal harassment and threats of false allegations to authorities. Did you know that filing a fictional abuse report is a felony? Long story short, we now have a no-contact order and cannot see each other, call or text. I won't shed a tear over that tragedy. Sucks that our kids can't hang out, but that crazy ass little girl (I mean the mother, not the baby, I would never talk shit about a baby because I'm not like her) is just too fucking much to deal with.

So yesterday, after the police station, I went to my school to work at this:
It was an enormously overly fancy wine and food gala to benefit Haiti relief. I know, I know, what a hypocrite. I don't give a flying rat's ass about Haiti, but what fun it was! Being the students, we were just waiters and wine pourers and table busers and plate prep. But the money was good, the people were good, I had such a great time and it was a good learning/networking opportunity. I do have a stomachache from all the rich people food, and it was also funny to see how sloshed the rich folks got off the overpriced bottles of prize-winning wine.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

so excited!

The guy is getting out of jail tomorrow and coming to see me! I'm so excited! He sent me the sappiest card (late valentines day thing, ugh) and said he's coming over around noon.

Jasmyne put on one of my chef hats and ran around the house. I got pics, but my pic uploader is being silly so when I get em uploaded I'll post. Also some new pics of me, looking sexy and slim at 130 pounds :) I can even fit into my pre-baby size 6 jeans which is awesome.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

mine are, well, MINE

So, I finished my report about cilantro and coriander. I just finished it half an hour ago in fact, which is pretty funny because it's due tomorrow and I've had 4 weeks to do it. I find I work better under pressure. Part of the report is an original recipe using our chosen herb or spice, and we get bonus points for bringing in a sample of said recipe. Since this is a culinary school for cooking enthusiasts who want to go pro, it's not really bonus points for bringing in the food. It's actually just points taken off if you decide to be an idiot. I made some bomb-ass chicken and black bean enchiladas, and shall post the recipe at the end of this post. I realize that chicken and black bean enchiladas have been done before, but mine are, well, MINE. I can't wait for school tomorrow, to try all the different foods that are being brought in.

I think I'm finally kicking this cold! Or bronchitis, or whatever it is. I have an asthma inhaler (prescribed) that really, really, REALLY helps especially now that I'm out of the cough syrup. I'm probably going to go over to my neighbor's house (not the one who lies all the time, but another neighbor who is awesome) to see her first tattoo that she just got. I love tats. My next one will be Jasmyne's name, right above a rose I have on my right ankle.

To address a comment I received: why should I "settle" for a guy with a criminal record? First off, why should a guy without a criminal record "settle" for a girl with 3 felony convictions and countless misdemeanors? Also, a relationship is better if the people involved in it have something in common. This dude and I have tons in common, and he's someone I can just sit with and talk to for hours without either one of us getting bored. The sex is also good. What do I want a square dude for anyways? Not my style at all. And btw, I am going to school. Maybe not general ed college, but a school that will actually teach me something I can use to get a job. A good job, that pays money. I'd rather be a chef and making money all the time (no matter how bad the economy gets, folks still hafta eat) than a writer and starving to death my whole life.

Chicken and black bean enchiladas
Yield: 5 enchiladas
½ pound dry black beans
2 tsp onion powder
1 bay leaf
1 tbsp olive oil
½ large onion, diced
1 pound boneless skinless chicken breast, cut into strips
taco seasoning*
1 tomato, diced and seeded
1 jalapeno pepper, diced
2 large slices red bell pepper, diced
2 scallions, diced
4-5 cilantro leaves, coarsely chopped and divided
3 tbsp fresh lime juice, divided
1-3 drops Tabasco sauce
5 flat, round, whole-grain tortillas
3c freshly grated colby jack cheese
salt and black pepper to taste

*for taco seasoning, ½ packet of commercial seasoning can be used, or the following can be combined in a small bowl:

1 tbsp all-purpose flour
1 tsp kosher salt
1 tsp white sugar
½ tsp paprika
½ tsp onion powder
½ tsp cumin
½ tsp chili powder
½ tsp garlic powder
½ tsp oregano
¼ tsp parsley
crushed red pepper flakes (to taste)

1)Sort and soak the dry beans according to package directions (quick soak or overnight). Drain beans and refill pot with water, salt, onion powder, and bay leaf. Bring to a boil, then lower heat to medium and simmer until tender, about 1-2 hours. Drain beans and set aside, reserving about 3/4c of the cooking liquid.
2)Line a cookie sheet with foil and preheat oven to 350F.
3)Heat a sautoir with olive oil and saute the diced onion until translucent. Add chicken strips and saute until fully cooked, then set aside and allow to cool.
4)While chicken is cooling, combine tomato, jalapeno, red bell pepper, scallions, 2 cilantro leaves, 1 tsbp lime juice, Tabasco, and kosher salt (to taste) to make fresh salsa.
5)Shred chicken with fingers and return to sautoir, setting the heat to low.
6)Add taco seasoning and ¼c water to the chicken, stirring until liquid is mostly absorbed. Add cooked beans, fresh salsa, 2 tbsp lime juice, and enough of the reserved bean-cooking liquid to moisten mixture. Heat through, then remove from heat.
7)Lay a tortilla down on the prepared cookie sheet and spoon chicken-bean-salsa mixture into the center in a straight line. Roll up the tortilla into a tube and place on one side of cookie sheet. Repeat this process with the other 4 tortillas.
8)Using a pastry brush, lightly coat each enchilada with olive oil.
9)Top with shredded cheese and 2-3 cilantro leaves. Bake at 350F until cheese is melted and golden, serve immediately.

Monday, February 22, 2010

anyone can lie and cops are pricks

So, they switched our groups at school and I am now working with someone who doesn't know his asshole from his elbow. He couldn't even wash the dishes, just stacked em under the table and stood there while we attempted to make food. Lame. He's gonna drag down my average, and I'm almost at an A (89% at the moment). Tomorrow's quiz and my cilantro report/recipe should bring my score up to an A no question.

And yeah, I was catching a buzz off the hydromet. So? I'm out of it, and I'm still taking care of my business instead of going out to the hood to cop one more fix. All of that "addicts are addicts forever and can never use anything because one is too many and the drug causes all the compulsion to come back" crap is just crap. I can get high without acting like an asshole about it, I'm not some sort of diseased cripple. And btw I don't care what anyone was arrested for, anyone can lie and cops are pricks. I only care what people actually did. For example, if someone shot someone and then got arrested for pot, I'd avoid them way more than the person who got arrested for domestic violence without actually doing the crime. Living next door to an oxy addict? She's not an oxy addict, she's a liar who doesn't even do pills. It's just another layer of the facade.

Naomi- congrats to your sister for the new baby. They are so loud and obnoxious when they are born, no?

I miss my kid so much during the week, I only get to see her in the mornings and then I get home at 6pm and she goes to bed an hour and a half later. Fri-Sat-Sun is the only real quality time I get to spend with her, can't wait until the weekend.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

finally, right? wtf?

Been busy, not really too busy to update. Just too lazy. Whatever, not like I'm getting paid for this or anything. Plus I have shit to do all weekend.

So, I started culinary school. I go 4 days a week in the afternoons, and Jazzie goes to daycare. She picks up every cold and every flu and every virus and gives it to me. I then can't even attend class without hydromet cough syrup so I end up with a bottle of that a month (and I might need another for Monday) because I will get thrown out of class for coughing. Lame. It works really well though. School is awesome. I love to play around with recipes in that enormous well-stocked kitchen, with their Meyer lemons and Hungarian paprika and 5000-year-old pink Himalayan mountain salt. Everyone at my entire school smokes pot, which I think is hilarious. I think my chef does, and he's a Chinese man in his 60s. My chef (my teacher) is awesome, we make tons of delicious food and I love everything about school except the bus.

I don't always have to take the bus, but since I don't get my stupid govt-issued driving permission slip until March (and even then, just the hardship license since it's been over a year since my non-driving felony conviction and I am almost eligible) I have to take it home from school often. It took me a while to figure out the best route from the school to my house. At first I was waiting 25 minutes for a connection, which was lame. Also that bus was just filled with smelly Haitians. Before anyone says "racism!" you gotta understand that I live in South Florida, filled with Haitians, and that no amount of sensitivity training in the world is gonna change the fact that these people constantly reek of fish, vinegar, and fetid garbage. I was waiting for my bus at [whatever] sitting on a divided bench, and an older Haitian man comes and sits right next to me. Not on the other side of the divider, not on one of the 3 empty nearby benches, but rubbing up against me so that his vinegar stank was touching my school clothes. Barf. He asked me what my name was, I said Leslie or Lola or something with an L. Then he asked if I was single. DOUBLE BARF! I told him I was married with three kids, which I figured was four problems too many to overcome. Then I got up and got the hell away from him. The smell was really bad. But other than Haitians, I don't mind the bus much. I don't really have to focus on anything like I do during the rest of my life, I can smoke at the bus stops, and now that I've figured out the proper route I don't have to smell any stinky people on my whole ride.

My daughter is awesome. She's almost 17 months now and not as chunky as she used to be. She walks by herself (kind of a penguin waddle, but fast), she goes to the potty every morning, she says sentences (example: "I drink it all"), she loves Dora the Explorer and Go Diego Go but hates Ni-Hao Kai-Lan (which is a pretty annoying show), she eats so many different delicious healthful foods, she puts her toys away when she's done, she loves to empty cabinets and drawers, she has tantrums all over the floor, she giggles when you touch her, she's afraid of guys and doctors, she loves to play with blocks, her favorite food is a cracker, she's still allergic to soy, and she's finally growing a little bit of hair!

Words that Jazzie can say include, but are not limited to: mama, grandpa, abuela, ball, block, cracker, hi, hello, bye, no, mine, yeah, yum, dora, map, backpack, orange, color, walk, park, shoes, dog, woof, meow, bird, up, oh no, uh oh, cheese, bread, drink, juice, panda, want, shit, poop, boob, now, more, and tickle.

Being clean is awesome. I got 2 years this month, by my rules of course. :) I don't do any of those bullshit meetings, but instead when I want to get high I man the fuck up and don't do it. That disease crap is all crap anyway.

I met a dude. He's actually in jail at the moment, but he's awesome. I met him when he was dating my neighbor, and she called the cops on him and said that he was beating her. I don't believe for a second that he was beating her. My neighbor also said that a friend of ours stole $300 from her and held her daughters head underwater, and that someone broke in and took a safe containing $700, and that someone else got arrested for having dirty needles all over the apartment, and that she got in a car accident and told the cop she was on roxys and the paramedics did a scoliosis test to determine whether or not she needed to be prescribed roxys, and a host of other fantastic stories which throw her trustworthiness into question. So yeah, he didn't beat her. But he is really sexy and a lot like me (scary huh).

Yesterday I went to the zoo with baby brother (who is here for the weekend) and our friend Rick and Jazzie of course. Jazzie loves to walk around the zoo and mimic all the animal noises. We had lunch at the overpriced zoo cafeteria, where I discovered that my kid won't eat french fries or chicken nuggets. Won't even TRY french fries or chicken nuggets, or for that matter hot dogs either. She wanted her yogurt, raisins, blueberries and pieces of cheddar cheese. I guess I've done a good job feeding her healthy, but she wouldn't even taste a french fry. What kind of a weird toddler?

I wanted to do this sort of general update so that I could update my boring daily stuff more often.