picking on someone at her intellectual level

Had a party this weekend. It's nice to have friends my age, and a boyfriend my age who is fucking awesome, and a sweet little girl to entertain me and make me smile all day. I think the best part of a new relationship is that there aren't any arguments at all. None of that "why the hell did I get with him?" thinking, nothing to fight about at all, just happy faces and sexy bodies. And Jazzie likes him a lot, asks "where's Oz?" when he's not around.

But her favorite person besides me (and I know he's gonna read this eventually) is Rick. Jazzie was running all day long with only a 20 minute nap and some blueberries and raisins for fuel, and she was laying on the floor with her thumb in her mouth looking up at me. Just tired as all hell. Then Rick showed up because he left something at my place, and I told her "Rick is outside." She jumped up from the floor onto her feet and dashed towards the door, screaming "RICK! RICK! RICK!" She made it all the way through the wood chips, the sidewalk, and the wet grass barefoot just to say "hi Rick!" and wave at him when he left. If you are reading this dude, feel special. That baby fucking LOVES you.

I really am enjoying my life right now and all the haters can't stop that. Well, there's really only one hater but she couldn't find this website if I gave her the link and bookmarked it for her because she's too stupid to live (and fat). Yes, I'm referring to M3L!SSA!! the crazy ex-neighbor. She moved away, but she's still doing silly things like texting me the entire time I was in class talking about how my boyfriend is going to a car and bike show with her in Miami this weekend because he hates me and loves her. He basically hasn't left my sight since Thursday night, and I've asked her a couple of times if she and Oz are enjoying the car and bike show that they went to together. She responded by insulting my 18 month old on Facebook. I guess she's picking on someone at her intellectual level so I can't be too hard on her. Plus, it must suck to lose at everything you do and look like she does. If she doesn't leave me alone, I'm gonna toss her a link to this blog so that she can leave hater comments and all my readers (both of them) can see how much she sucks and maybe even dislike her as well.

rich people food

So, this guy's ex girlfriend is completely insane. But more than just insane. I can also add the following descriptive adjectives: stupid, immature, mean, petty, jealous, fat, ugly, spiteful, malevolent (that one she probably wouldn't understand), rude, cowardly, a liar, full of shit, stupid, throws temper tantrums like a toddler, inattentive as a mother, fat, compulsive eater, dirty, smelly, never cleans, STUPID, IMMATURE, middle school mentality, cop-caller, and more than anything else a LIAR. I was gonna write a list of offenses, both large and small, that this little girl (21 years old) has committed in the time that I've known her. Keep in mind that not all of these things are that bad on their own, but they do put together a personality profile that is quite unflattering:

-She lies constantly- about small things that don't matter (such as her daughter walked at 8 months and that she went to the emergency room for a rash), about bizarre things in an attempt for sympathy (such as she got into a car accident and hurt a newborn baby out of her car seat, and that she has severe scoliosis), and damaging lies about other people (those will be listed seperately).
-She types her name like this M3L!SSA!!
-She has a new "love of her life with him forever" ever couple of weeks or so (they always dump her every couple of weeks is why).
-She dated a Jewish guy who was basically Jamie Kennedy's character from Malibu's Most Wanted (I called him B-Rad, he actually would snap his fingers in the air and yell "daaaaaaaaamn nigga dat's mah jam!" when the new T-Pain or whatever song came on top 40 radio).
-She called the police on her other ex (the one I am sorta kinda with now) for beating her, which he never did.
-She told a friend's boyfriend that the friend had been sucking a black dude's dick in the back seat of a car, causing boyfriend to break up with her since boyfriend had never met M3L!SSA! and had no way of knowing how incredibly full of shit she is.
-She constantly text messages and talks to guys on myspace instead of watching her 2-year-old daughter, and then makes empty threats to slap her and put her to bed when she demands attention.
-She is fat (5'1 over 200 pounds), eats nothing but junk food, and is ugly.
-She never cleans her house (her live Christmas tree finally went out in March) and it smells awful in there, also doesn't take much of a shower.
-She is loud and annoying.
-She is stupid and has absolutely no depth to her.
-She accused my brother of buying stolen pills (the pills were never stolen)
-she txt b0mbz me all dae wit txt msgz tht l00k lyk thys
-She throws temper tantrums like a 4-year-old.
-She calls the police on anyone who says anything to her.
-She called my daughter fat, stupid, and ugly on text messages but is too cowardly to say anything to my face.
-She is delusional to the point where seeing her ex in the mall (he didn't see her) means that the two of them must be getting back together.
-She is desperate for a man, and desperation is ugly.
-She makes the lip-pursed dick sucking fish face in all of her myspace photos, which are mostly taken in the bathroom.
-She threatened to call the police and DCF on me for stealing pills (the ones I supposedly sold to my brother) and shooting heroin, stating that "the cops will believe me when they see your tracks."
-She comes into my house, eats all my food, leaves the dirty dishes laying out, leaves my kid's food laying out because her kid won't eat anything but McDonalds and when her kid says no she won't bother to put the food away and it goes bad, and then gets on my laptop and makes me watch both kids.
-She makes little comments about how fat my daughter is (the pot calling the kettle black, at least my kid is fat from blueberries and multi-grain bagels instead of Oreos and Happy Meals).
-She sends her mom (who is just as crazy as she is) to my house at 1030pm screaming about stolen pills.
-She drives unsafely and doesn't buckle her toddler into a car seat ever.
-She takes one sip of one beer and uses it as an excuse to act like a piece of shit all night because "I'M SOOOO DRUNK!!!!!"
-She pretends to do drugs to look cool in front of people.
-She threatened to get my daughter taken away over lies.
-She sends text messages revealing her hand: "if you keep messing with oz i will call dcf and tell them you're shooting heroin" and "see jon again and i'll call the cops". Incriminating evidence, anyone?
-She showed up at my house at 1130pm asking "is oz there?" banging on my door.

There is tons more, but that's enough for now. Threatening my daughter was her biggest mistake, because I don't fuck around when it comes to baby Jasmyne. I did something that I've never done before- I went to the police. With all the threats (on text message, easily provable) about false reports to DCF, I wanted to have it written down in an official report so that anything she says to DCF will immediately be colored as the lie that it is. I went to the police station and filed a report for verbal harassment and threats of false allegations to authorities. Did you know that filing a fictional abuse report is a felony? Long story short, we now have a no-contact order and cannot see each other, call or text. I won't shed a tear over that tragedy. Sucks that our kids can't hang out, but that crazy ass little girl (I mean the mother, not the baby, I would never talk shit about a baby because I'm not like her) is just too fucking much to deal with.

So yesterday, after the police station, I went to my school to work at this:
http://www.americanfinewinecompetition.com/
It was an enormously overly fancy wine and food gala to benefit Haiti relief. I know, I know, what a hypocrite. I don't give a flying rat's ass about Haiti, but what fun it was! Being the students, we were just waiters and wine pourers and table busers and plate prep. But the money was good, the people were good, I had such a great time and it was a good learning/networking opportunity. I do have a stomachache from all the rich people food, and it was also funny to see how sloshed the rich folks got off the overpriced bottles of prize-winning wine.

mine are, well, MINE

So, I finished my report about cilantro and coriander. I just finished it half an hour ago in fact, which is pretty funny because it's due tomorrow and I've had 4 weeks to do it. I find I work better under pressure. Part of the report is an original recipe using our chosen herb or spice, and we get bonus points for bringing in a sample of said recipe. Since this is a culinary school for cooking enthusiasts who want to go pro, it's not really bonus points for bringing in the food. It's actually just points taken off if you decide to be an idiot. I made some bomb-ass chicken and black bean enchiladas, and shall post the recipe at the end of this post. I realize that chicken and black bean enchiladas have been done before, but mine are, well, MINE. I can't wait for school tomorrow, to try all the different foods that are being brought in.

I think I'm finally kicking this cold! Or bronchitis, or whatever it is. I have an asthma inhaler (prescribed) that really, really, REALLY helps especially now that I'm out of the cough syrup. I'm probably going to go over to my neighbor's house (not the one who lies all the time, but another neighbor who is awesome) to see her first tattoo that she just got. I love tats. My next one will be Jasmyne's name, right above a rose I have on my right ankle.

To address a comment I received: why should I "settle" for a guy with a criminal record? First off, why should a guy without a criminal record "settle" for a girl with 3 felony convictions and countless misdemeanors? Also, a relationship is better if the people involved in it have something in common. This dude and I have tons in common, and he's someone I can just sit with and talk to for hours without either one of us getting bored. The sex is also good. What do I want a square dude for anyways? Not my style at all. And btw, I am going to school. Maybe not general ed college, but a school that will actually teach me something I can use to get a job. A good job, that pays money. I'd rather be a chef and making money all the time (no matter how bad the economy gets, folks still hafta eat) than a writer and starving to death my whole life.

Chicken and black bean enchiladas
Yield: 5 enchiladas
½ pound dry black beans
2 tsp onion powder
1 bay leaf
1 tbsp olive oil
½ large onion, diced
1 pound boneless skinless chicken breast, cut into strips
taco seasoning*
1 tomato, diced and seeded
1 jalapeno pepper, diced
2 large slices red bell pepper, diced
2 scallions, diced
4-5 cilantro leaves, coarsely chopped and divided
3 tbsp fresh lime juice, divided
1-3 drops Tabasco sauce
5 flat, round, whole-grain tortillas
3c freshly grated colby jack cheese
salt and black pepper to taste

*for taco seasoning, ½ packet of commercial seasoning can be used, or the following can be combined in a small bowl:

1 tbsp all-purpose flour
1 tsp kosher salt
1 tsp white sugar
½ tsp paprika
½ tsp onion powder
½ tsp cumin
½ tsp chili powder
½ tsp garlic powder
½ tsp oregano
¼ tsp parsley
crushed red pepper flakes (to taste)

1)Sort and soak the dry beans according to package directions (quick soak or overnight). Drain beans and refill pot with water, salt, onion powder, and bay leaf. Bring to a boil, then lower heat to medium and simmer until tender, about 1-2 hours. Drain beans and set aside, reserving about 3/4c of the cooking liquid.
2)Line a cookie sheet with foil and preheat oven to 350F.
3)Heat a sautoir with olive oil and saute the diced onion until translucent. Add chicken strips and saute until fully cooked, then set aside and allow to cool.
4)While chicken is cooling, combine tomato, jalapeno, red bell pepper, scallions, 2 cilantro leaves, 1 tsbp lime juice, Tabasco, and kosher salt (to taste) to make fresh salsa.
5)Shred chicken with fingers and return to sautoir, setting the heat to low.
6)Add taco seasoning and ¼c water to the chicken, stirring until liquid is mostly absorbed. Add cooked beans, fresh salsa, 2 tbsp lime juice, and enough of the reserved bean-cooking liquid to moisten mixture. Heat through, then remove from heat.
7)Lay a tortilla down on the prepared cookie sheet and spoon chicken-bean-salsa mixture into the center in a straight line. Roll up the tortilla into a tube and place on one side of cookie sheet. Repeat this process with the other 4 tortillas.
8)Using a pastry brush, lightly coat each enchilada with olive oil.
9)Top with shredded cheese and 2-3 cilantro leaves. Bake at 350F until cheese is melted and golden, serve immediately.

TNB: "I know you was wit my husband"

It's 63 degrees this morning. Sixty-fucking-three! In South Florida, and in the middle of October. It's unheard of, especially since yesterday it was in the high 80s. Time to pull out my one and only hoodie, I suppose.

The other night, I was walking through the neighborhood to the store to buy a box of disposable diapers for Jazzie (we use one disposable per day, all the rest cloth, so a box of 64 will last me until damnear Christmas) and there was a car parked blocking the sidewalk. I didn't want to stomp all over somebody's grass, so instead I walked down the driveway onto the street so I could get by. As I started walking my same path, a car pulled up behind me and stopped. I glanced back to make sure it wasn't a cop, saw a regular silver car with a woman sitting in it, and turned back around to walk but the silver car pulls up in front of me, blocking my way. The window goes down to reveal a large, ugly African-American woman, who looked very angry.

"What were you doing in mah house?" she demands to know.

Oh great, I thought. Now I gotta deal with some TNB.

"What house?" I asked, knowing full well that I hadn't been in anybody's place but my own.

"I seen you leavin' mah house, you walked right out the do', is mah husband home? Did he tell you dat he married?"

Yep, I thought, TNB for fucking sure.

"I wasn't in anybody's house, I'm just going to the store to buy diapers." I responded.

"Bitch, I seen you leave mah house, I know you was wit my husband, walk over dere and see if mah husband is home."

"Why the fuck should I? I didn't do shit," I responded, getting angrier at these baseless accusations. "I'm outta here."

"Get back over here white girl!" she yells, and then lunges at me. She grabbed my hair and pulled hard. I was hot, but at the same time slightly amused at the fact that instead of fighting, we were clearly going to be bitch-fighting. I pushed her away, and she slapped me in the jaw and ear. I was really pissed at this point, so I started running my mouth.

"I don't know your husband, but if I were him I'd be fucking anybody who wasn't your ugly ass," I yelled. Or something along those lines. Then she punched me in the mouth. I punched her in the throat and she steps back for a second, growls "whore" and comes at me again. This time I got her first, punching in the ribs. I was aiming for the solar plexus but missed, and my hand struck pretty harmlessly in her chest, and she went for the bitch-slap to the side of the face again.

"Stupid nigger!" I yelled, throwing another punch to the solar plexus but actually hitting the mark this time. She had a hold of my hair but I pulled away as she tried to regain her wind. We were both rushing towards each other again when about 7-8 kids came running out of the house (you know, the house that I was having the alleged clandestine meeting with her husband) to break us up.

"What's goin' on?" yelled one of the kids.

"That crazy bitch was in mah house, she was wit mah man!" the ugly woman screamed.

"You were in our house? How?" asked another kid, a boy maybe 11 or 12 years old. My guess is that the cherished husband was hanging out in the main room with all these kids during our supposed tryst.

"I wasn't in anybody's fucking house, this dumb whore attacked me, apparently her husband likes little white girls, that's not my fucking fault," I responded angrily.

"Just go," said the oldest kid, who looked about 16. So, I went.

Looking back, I don't know which is more disgusting: the fact that that ugly groid was married or the idea of *shudder* banging the man that would marry that. Gross. So yeah, I can't walk down my own street without getting falsely accused and assaulted by some crazy black women who (for SOME reason) can't hold onto her man so she projects her ugly hatefulness onto any chick who looks better than her (and I'm not being egotistical either, a monkey's red ass looks better than her).

And people wonder why I'm racist?