Monday, March 22, 2010

wishful thinking

I wish I weighed 120 pounds. I actually weigh about 137 pounds, which is lame. I've been eating mostly vegetables like broccoli, brussels sprouts, spinach and lettuce, celery, cucumber, cabbage, radishes, spaghetti squash, carrots, and the like. I think all the green shit is messing up my stomach though. Sucks. I really love salads (every day it's what I eat for breakfast and lunch) but I only will eat protein-filled salads with crunchies. My typical salad has lettuce, spinach, celery, carrots, cucumber, brussels sprouts, broccoli, hard boiled eggs, chicken, bacon, cheese, and sliced toasted almonds. With all that stuff on there I don't need but a tiny drop or so of dressing, which I can make myself.

I have two weeks off from school! WTF am I supposed to do with myself and my kid during that time? I can't wait to get back and have something to do during the day. Right now I just smoke a lot, play outside or at the park, and go to Publix often to make some new healthful food. Bored to shit.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

rich people food

So, this guy's ex girlfriend is completely insane. But more than just insane. I can also add the following descriptive adjectives: stupid, immature, mean, petty, jealous, fat, ugly, spiteful, malevolent (that one she probably wouldn't understand), rude, cowardly, a liar, full of shit, stupid, throws temper tantrums like a toddler, inattentive as a mother, fat, compulsive eater, dirty, smelly, never cleans, STUPID, IMMATURE, middle school mentality, cop-caller, and more than anything else a LIAR. I was gonna write a list of offenses, both large and small, that this little girl (21 years old) has committed in the time that I've known her. Keep in mind that not all of these things are that bad on their own, but they do put together a personality profile that is quite unflattering:

-She lies constantly- about small things that don't matter (such as her daughter walked at 8 months and that she went to the emergency room for a rash), about bizarre things in an attempt for sympathy (such as she got into a car accident and hurt a newborn baby out of her car seat, and that she has severe scoliosis), and damaging lies about other people (those will be listed seperately).
-She types her name like this M3L!SSA!!
-She has a new "love of her life with him forever" ever couple of weeks or so (they always dump her every couple of weeks is why).
-She dated a Jewish guy who was basically Jamie Kennedy's character from Malibu's Most Wanted (I called him B-Rad, he actually would snap his fingers in the air and yell "daaaaaaaaamn nigga dat's mah jam!" when the new T-Pain or whatever song came on top 40 radio).
-She called the police on her other ex (the one I am sorta kinda with now) for beating her, which he never did.
-She told a friend's boyfriend that the friend had been sucking a black dude's dick in the back seat of a car, causing boyfriend to break up with her since boyfriend had never met M3L!SSA! and had no way of knowing how incredibly full of shit she is.
-She constantly text messages and talks to guys on myspace instead of watching her 2-year-old daughter, and then makes empty threats to slap her and put her to bed when she demands attention.
-She is fat (5'1 over 200 pounds), eats nothing but junk food, and is ugly.
-She never cleans her house (her live Christmas tree finally went out in March) and it smells awful in there, also doesn't take much of a shower.
-She is loud and annoying.
-She is stupid and has absolutely no depth to her.
-She accused my brother of buying stolen pills (the pills were never stolen)
-she txt b0mbz me all dae wit txt msgz tht l00k lyk thys
-She throws temper tantrums like a 4-year-old.
-She calls the police on anyone who says anything to her.
-She called my daughter fat, stupid, and ugly on text messages but is too cowardly to say anything to my face.
-She is delusional to the point where seeing her ex in the mall (he didn't see her) means that the two of them must be getting back together.
-She is desperate for a man, and desperation is ugly.
-She makes the lip-pursed dick sucking fish face in all of her myspace photos, which are mostly taken in the bathroom.
-She threatened to call the police and DCF on me for stealing pills (the ones I supposedly sold to my brother) and shooting heroin, stating that "the cops will believe me when they see your tracks."
-She comes into my house, eats all my food, leaves the dirty dishes laying out, leaves my kid's food laying out because her kid won't eat anything but McDonalds and when her kid says no she won't bother to put the food away and it goes bad, and then gets on my laptop and makes me watch both kids.
-She makes little comments about how fat my daughter is (the pot calling the kettle black, at least my kid is fat from blueberries and multi-grain bagels instead of Oreos and Happy Meals).
-She sends her mom (who is just as crazy as she is) to my house at 1030pm screaming about stolen pills.
-She drives unsafely and doesn't buckle her toddler into a car seat ever.
-She takes one sip of one beer and uses it as an excuse to act like a piece of shit all night because "I'M SOOOO DRUNK!!!!!"
-She pretends to do drugs to look cool in front of people.
-She threatened to get my daughter taken away over lies.
-She sends text messages revealing her hand: "if you keep messing with oz i will call dcf and tell them you're shooting heroin" and "see jon again and i'll call the cops". Incriminating evidence, anyone?
-She showed up at my house at 1130pm asking "is oz there?" banging on my door.

There is tons more, but that's enough for now. Threatening my daughter was her biggest mistake, because I don't fuck around when it comes to baby Jasmyne. I did something that I've never done before- I went to the police. With all the threats (on text message, easily provable) about false reports to DCF, I wanted to have it written down in an official report so that anything she says to DCF will immediately be colored as the lie that it is. I went to the police station and filed a report for verbal harassment and threats of false allegations to authorities. Did you know that filing a fictional abuse report is a felony? Long story short, we now have a no-contact order and cannot see each other, call or text. I won't shed a tear over that tragedy. Sucks that our kids can't hang out, but that crazy ass little girl (I mean the mother, not the baby, I would never talk shit about a baby because I'm not like her) is just too fucking much to deal with.

So yesterday, after the police station, I went to my school to work at this:
It was an enormously overly fancy wine and food gala to benefit Haiti relief. I know, I know, what a hypocrite. I don't give a flying rat's ass about Haiti, but what fun it was! Being the students, we were just waiters and wine pourers and table busers and plate prep. But the money was good, the people were good, I had such a great time and it was a good learning/networking opportunity. I do have a stomachache from all the rich people food, and it was also funny to see how sloshed the rich folks got off the overpriced bottles of prize-winning wine.