Monday, July 14, 2008

one of the whiter white folk

I woke up at 8am but didn't leave for the clinic right away (I was playing around online, hah) so I didn't get there until 930am. I never get there that late, and I can't honestly say I was sick but I was jittery and yawning and my skin didn't feel right. Of course I was fine an hour later, my dose is high enough and I don't want to go up, even though my dose doesn't matter to the baby. Any dose between 20 and 200mg affects a kid in the same way, if it affects them at all- mild-to-severe withdrawal symptoms lasting less than a week in about 50% of methadone kids, much better stats than heroin and coke babies.

After the clinic, I went to see Greg at work. He goes to lots of different job sites, and for a week he's near the clinic so I called him and asked to stop by. Lucky for me, it was his 15-minute break. My mom was with me, we were on our way to the beach, because Greggie bought me a new swimsuit the other day (it took me 25 tries to get a bikini that fits and actually looks good on me!). So we went to Singer Island, I've spent too much time inside lately and my tan is leaving. I mean living in SoFla I have a year-round tan and am pretty dark in the summer, but I'm one of the whiter white folk and trust me, by SoFla standards I am PALE. Now my brown is coming back, slather lotion on this sunburn and it'll soak right in as a tan. I never peel, I've been living down here too long and I know how not to peel even with real bad burns!

Tonight I went out to dinner just with my brother. I'm so proud of him, he's trying all sorts of different new foods while he is a VERY picky eater, has been since he started eating solids. When he was 5 and ate plain hamburgers and spaghetti with no sauce, we just figured he'd grow out of it. When he was 15 and ate plain hamburgers and spaghetti with no sauce, everyone still thought he'd grow out of it but I knew better by that point (and so did he). By now, only one of my aunts thinks he will "grow out of it" and I can't for the life of me figure out why they can't just admit that he doesn't like most food, it's not as bad as everyone makes it out to be- he makes his own food when he doesn't like what he's served instead of sitting there picking and bitching. He is almost 20, still only eats a few things- it's not a phase or stage, he is crippled when it comes to food. Crazy kid said that chicken and steak and pork chops all taste the same!! Me, I got really refined taste buds. Not "refined" like a taste for fancy food (although I do like just about everything), but "refined" in the sense of finely tuned, like I can taste a food and know basically all the ingredients. I can tell butter from margarine in scrambled eggs, cream from milk in chowder, and tell you everything the cook put into whatever recipe I am eating at the moment. Between my refined tastes and the fact that I like all foods and love variety, I take being a food-lover to a new level. I'll try anything once, whether it's food, drink, drugs, activities, anything. That's gotten me in more trouble than anything.

This manic shit is getting out of control. I blast the ipod headphones because it drowns out all the head-noise. I can't tell if what I write makes sense anymore. Whatever.

$$$ replies $$$
"weirdo"
Very much so.
"What is you legal case about? You have spoken of it many times but I missed what you were charged with."
Possession of heroin, it's a warrant for a long time ago that just got brought up in April. I honestly don't feel like typing the whole situation back out, so here are some links where I said what was going on:
"Awww, I love that pregnancy countdown ticker you put up, it's so cute! I was looking for one when I found out I was pregnant in May, but I miscarried last month :("
Would you believe I put that up about 3 minutes before you commented here? I'm usually not online this late (it's 1115pm). I didn't know you were preg, did you stop using when you found out? I can't judge you if you didn't, that shit is hard! I didn't manage to stop using until the 3rd month even though I knew before that, even though it's fucked up. Sorry to hear about the m/c, but it's not necessarily a bad thing to miscarry especially if you aren't ready to have a kid. Hell I'm due in September and I don't know if I'm even ready! Aaaah!

5 comments:

taxitalk said...

Still going to the clinic, thats alright, Do you miss the other life, I miss being a cabby, but I go to school with a bunch of tight asses I seriously miss having the horror to blog about, who wants to hear about the ugly bitch who sits across from me now, fuck its been awhile since I vented I can't do it with my blog its becoming an issue, how do you do it?

Carrion Doll said...

hey girl. I just started reading your shit. I have had you in my favs for 1 week but just got to a point where I can really sit down and take it all in. Love your writing, can't wait to read more.I am from right outside Orlando. Been into shoting coke myself because it is hard for us to find dope around here without getting burned.
if you are interested heres my stupidspace link: http://myspace.com/teddybearrampage

Carrion Doll said...

well i took your suggestion and started another blog here

Jake said...

Wow. Deleting comments now, huh? What's the matter, truth getting to you?

"I don't want to go up, even though my dose doesn't matter to the baby."

Wow. Just.... wow. Then you go on to say...

"Any dose between 20 and 200mg affects a kid in the same way, if it affects them at all- mild-to-severe withdrawal symptoms lasting less than a week"

....which clearly states it DOES affect the baby.

The only name you should give your (maybe) kid is "Temporary".

You going to delete this one too?

Carrion Doll said...

I just love people who go around judging ppl they dont even know dont you?
Anyhow I would like to put a link to your blog on mine is that kool? I will go ahead and put it and if its not let me know.