Sunday, July 27, 2008

heh...


3 comments:

taxitalk said...

you have changed so much, are you excited to be a mom, my little boy is cute he is going to be an actor. The world sucks so much but as soon as he enters the picture i forget that I hate everyone. You are going through so much its cool to watch the change and wonder whats going to happen to you next. The pics are great, I am keeping an eye on your blog all the time. I was telling people at school about you, they did not understand why I dig your site, fuck neither do I, thats the best part, you still kinda get me high even though you are sober, Its good, keep that baby comin
peace

maybe its the baby, I sobered up when she got pregnant, I guess I can kinda relate, no track marks though. stay fucking tough

Victoria said...

Hey girl. I definitely feel you when you talk about having dope dreams... I have them all the time, especially lately. My counselor at the methadone clinic told me that having dope dreams is a bad sign; that it means you're about to relapse. Maybe she's right.

If your dope dreams are getting out of hand, you should try raising your dose by 5 or 10 milligrams and see if it helps with your cravings. It's very common for women who are in the later stages of their pregnancy to need to raise their dose. (This is because of the increase in their blood volume due to the baby).

You would probably feel a lot better if you upped your dose a little. Remember, your baby is feeling whatever you're feeling, and those times when you wake up and feel like "shiiiiit," can't be good. You wouldn't have anything to lose if you raised your dose, so don't guilt yourself into thinking that you need to keep your dose as low as possible.

I'm so proud of you! You're doing great! You've come a very long way.

Be good to yourself...

Tori ♥

Allison said...

I just want to say that I've been on methadone (and clean from illegal drugs) for 5 years and have NEVER heard anything about drug dreams being a sign you are about to relapse. I've had probably over 100 drug dreams in my 5 years and never relapsed. In fact, it is completely normal to have drug dreams and is a part of recovery....you never dreamt about doing drugs when you were on them, right? I've heard people in recovery for 10, 15, 20 years still having the occasional drug dream. They are crazy and a bit scary...but just a dream. I used to wake up thinking I had relapsed--that's how real they were! The first one I ever had I woke up crying thinking I had messed it all up and used. But they have gotten better and I rarely get them now.
On the other hand, it is true that pregnant women will often need to increase their dose in the 3rd trimester due to increased blood volume. It's important that you feel well for the health of your baby. They've found no correlation between methadone dose and withdrawal in babies. I had a baby on 90 mg that had no withdrawal---another girl at my clinic had one on 10 mg and her baby did albiet it was mild and only required a 1 week stay. I'm 17 weeks pregnant with my 3rd and on 19 mg and I was SO disappointed that I got pregnant before finishing the clinic. But nothing I can do about that now except hope that baby won't be very sick....
I'm enjoying your blog and it really does bring me back to the days of my first being clean (and pregnant!) It's an exciting journey and in a few years you will look back on this and see how much you have really changed!