attack lizards, and GTFO

Today is my brother Lucas' 20th birthday! Happy bday to him, hooray! I went to the grocery store and bought $30 worth of fish for him and all his little wanker buddies to eat for dinner, it sure broke the bank since I'm not working and all, but I love my lil bro!! I couldn't sit with them at dinner though, because honestly I've reached the point of saturation about comic-book talk. I used to not care one way or another, but now I hate hate hate all comics. My apathy has turned violent, and of course that's all these lame friends of his talk about! Well, that and role playing games. How bored do you have to be with your life, that everything has to be superheros and warriors and wizards and shit? Hell, it's a lamer escape than heroin. Lucas, I know you read me, and I'm NOT SORRY hahahahahaha!!!! But I do love you.

I bought a disposable camera today for six bucks, and I'm gonna take my pics and get 'em developed on a cd-rom so I can plop them online. They won't be nearly as good as Greggie's pictures, which are taken with a GOOD camera by a GOOD photographer, but I'll get a chance to capture stupid bullshit that I couldn't before. Like the garden snake on my front porch this morning.

I have decided that somewhere in the neighborhood, there is a Reptile Overlord who wants to scare me or something. Three days in a row, lizards on the front porch- attack lizards! I don't want the things to die in there (they get in, but they can't get out!) so I pick them up and throw them into the bushes and they always bite me. I never notice they've bitten me until I go to put 'em out, when they are attached to my finger at the mouth. So I shake 'em off gently as not to break their little jaws. The third day, one of those huge curly-tale lizards that are all over SoFla in the summer (I call them baby godzillas). I didn't pick that one up, I shooed it out and it bit me and that DID hurt, but not a lot. Then today, a little snake. I guess the Reptile Overlord thought that all girls are scared of snakes, even when they aren't scared of lizards. I'm only scared of water mocassins (it's *their* mating season too!) and coral snakes, and this little guy was a foot long and all black- not exactly what nightmares are made of. I got him outside easily. I actually like snakes, they are nothing but tails with heads and they move so damn cool! Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle- hah! Snakes.

When Greg was driving me home the other day, I seen a shopping cart. For those of you who know my part of town, it was on the corner of Lake Worth Road and South Shore Blvd, where LWR ends out west. For those of you who don't know, it's in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. The closest thing is the fire station. And the shopping cart was empty. That's another thing I need to photograph. What the hell was that cart doing there? Where did it come from? The closest grocery store is on 441 and LWR, which is about a 10 minute drive from South Shore. Did they push that shit from 441? And if so- why leave it there? There's no homeless people in that part of town, they are all out east (if there are homeless out west, they are more discreet about their predicament and don't walk around with shopping carts lest the police get called and they get carted either to jail or to the east side anyways). Weird, huh.

Sex offenders shouldn't have to register when they are out of jail. If they did their time, then by our laws they have repaid their debt to society (by sitting in a cell, I guess?) and shouldn't be treated like they are on probation for the rest of their lives. Any time anyone looks cross eyed at a little kid, all sex offenders in the area get hauled in for questioning. It's a load of crap! I know someone PERSONALLY, a female 20something lesbo who got in trouble for consensual sex with a 17-year-old girl, whose parents called the police. The girl didn't testify, give a statement, or press charges- but the parents did, of course. Statutory- but they called it "lewd and lascivious sexual battery with a minor 15-17". That little girl had to register as a sex offender and will be one for the rest of her life, on the same list with men who rape babies and rip 'em in half. And if a toddler disappears in her city, her ass will be called in- she's not a violent criminal at all! If you kill somebody and get caught, you probably go to prison, but when/if you get out, it's done. Once you got "time served," you shouldn't have to have a problem with law enforcement any time someone else does anything. That's what I think. Once these sex offenders done their time, it shouldn't be their introduction to the neighborhood- "hi, I'm a sex offender!" It's stupid and obnoxious.

Another thing I hate: drug addicts who blame other people for their behavior. Yeah, I was a drug addict, ya know why? Because I loved drugs and I chose them. Yeah, there's a point where it's damn difficult to stop, but anyone who uses drugs long enough to fall in love with them- it's their fault. "Oh, I've been smoking crack for 20 years but it's not MY fault, I couldn't help it, no one understands me, it's the way I was raised, my daddy raped me when I was a kid, my mom didn't love me, my first boyfriend beat me, I have post-traumatic stress disorder, I was mugged in an alleyway, I had a miscarriage, my parents were alcoholics, so you see, I *had* to smoke rock, it's not my fault!!" Fuckin' jackasses. I say GTFO, which means Get The Fuck Over it. Anyone over 25 years of age who starts a tearful or whiny complaint with the words "when I was ___ years old..." and the number in that blank is 12 or under, they need to shut up and GTFO. I had my share of shit, but guess what? There's folks been through much worse than me and didn't do the things I did, as well as folks that haven't been through half of what I been through and did way worse than me (violence, robbery, etc). We all have to make choices in life, and just because other people in our lives (parents, signifigant others, etc) made bad choices doesn't mean we have to make bad choices too. Everything I did was my fault. All of it. Any other drug addicts in the house- guess what? It's your fault you get high. Now you can choose to continue to get high, or choose to stop. Not easy to stop- HELLS no it's not easy, but you chose to get high until it was this hard to stop. Drug addicts, accept responsibility for your shit and get the fuck over it already!

$$$ selected replies $$$

"I started all the way from the beginning so that I could understand everything you write about. You really sound like a cool ass chick!"

Wow, you read this bullshitfest of a blog from beginning to end? Double wow. You got some patience and dedication, that's for damn sure. I don't think even I could read all the long-winded rambling I've typed into here since '06! I applaud you for it. I read your blog too, some of it at least, and I welcome you onto my link list. What an honor, right? <-- sarcasm

"Aren't your enemy "Jake" and Lucas good friends?"

No, Lucas' friend is a different Jake. In fact, that Jake was at my house tonight, stuffing his face with fish along with the rest of those kids. And although he beat me to it, he is not my enemy. Hell, I've never even met the guy! I like to think that I don't have enemies. Jake (a name that might or might not be real) is someone who leaves harsh comments on my blog. That doesn't make him my "enemy", it makes him someone who doesn't like me. I like the term hater, although he will deny that too. Flamer and troll are also good ones.

"But an enemy? Way back when Michelle first announced she was knocked up, I actually emailed her and offered to not only get her into rehab, but also to look into getting it funded 100%. Not state paid rehab, PRIVATE rehab. There are plenty of grants and donations that would have helped cover the cost. I even offered to personally cover whatever the grants DIDN'T cover. She had a free ride to a GOOD rehab place.... but she refused to go."

He is telling the truth- he did do that. But by that point, I was already at West Palm Beach Treatment Center and doing well. Also I had been told by my doc that coming off dope while I was pregnant would be the WRONG decision for the baby, and that methadone was really the safest bet for both of us. So why fuck up a good thing? I do appreciate the offer, and I emailed him back without mentioning a word on here. In fact if I remember correctly, he asked me not to say anything about it! And then he brings it up... not like it matters. But I gotta say (since I try to be truthful on here) that he's not lying. Whatever.