I've been a drug addict (by choice!) for years, but it wasn't just about drugs. It's more about excitement and doing something fun. I'd want to go out and have some crazy adventures, in fact that's why this blog began- to chronicle all the crazy shit that went down in my life on a near-daily basis. And in my using days, even when nothing interesting happened, I felt like something had. Because sitting in a motel room all night smoking crack and not going near the door gives you the illusion that you're doing something fun. Either that or it makes you not give a shit, possibly even a combination of the two. But since it would NOT be advantageous to me or the baby for me to start doing drugs again, (Greg- that's how you use that word properly) I need to find something to do along with a babysitter while I do it.
I love my kid, there's no question about that. She's funny, she's cute, she's usually happy, she's smart, she does a lot of silly things, she's the best kind of baby and I would probably never be truly happy again if I lost her. But she is a 6-month-old baby, and 6-month-old babies are boring. Here is my day: go to the methadone clinic, go to [the playground/Okeeheelee Park's nature trail/the mall/baby story hour/the grocery store], feed the baby, play with the baby, sit around the house with the baby, go to the playground/grocery store again, think up a soy-free dairy-free nut-free seafood-free egg-free dinner that will taste good, feed baby, put baby to bed, go online. Occasionally I go to Greggie's house and do the same things over there. I am very happy, but as an excitement junkie I am fucking bored as shit.
Last weekend I left Jazzie at Greg's house and went out with my parents to see Monsters Vs Aliens: The IMAX 3-D Experience. Great movie, not exciting. I need something to do, but nothing that could hurt the baby or get her taken away from me. My poor brother is bored too, I told him that if it was just me we would have already left on an exciting road trip. He said we should do it and bring Jaz, but then it would be boring.
Hell, I'm going to Disneyworld at the beginning of next month, to celebrate my freedom from the liquid handcuffs (methadone). I am at 5mg a day and feeling like total shit! But this bitch is strong, and I ain't gonna fuck it up. Y'all can hold me to that. If only I could find something fun to do...
4 months ago