where are all my haters?

WHERE ARE ALL MY HATERS??? DON'T YOU HAVE SOME BITCHY COMMENT TO MAKE ABOUT MY STORY??? DON'T YOU WANNA TELL ME THAT I'M SUCH A LIAR, THAT THERE AREN'T ANY MOUNTAINS IN FLORIDA AND THAT THEY DIDN'T SEE ANY BUS ACCIDENT ON THE NEWS??? COME ON GUYS, GET WITH THE FUCKING PROGRAM! : )

October 2005

I call Micheal's cell from a pay phone just as the sun is going down and tell him to come pick me up from where I've been working. I don't have much money, only $60, but I'm perfectly aware that we are out of heroin- it's time to go get more. We only know one person (well, technically 2 people but they are boyfriend and girlfriend and share a phone number) to cop from. I wait outside the McDonalds, but I'm not waiting for very long. Micheal and I never did waste any time when we were ready to cop.

Our dealers, "Pitbull" and his girl "Haitian" (don't worry- these aren't even the names they went by), used to live 7 exits away on I-95 before moving a little further south to Okeechobee Blvd. We would call and say we were beginning the half-hour trip in our Saturn SL4 and would be there in less than 10 minutes, which earned us endless ribbing from both of them. Not that it mattered, to us or them. When we needed h, we needed it now and they never minded our hurrying to give them our cash. But now, they lived closer- a good thing for us, since Pitbull lost his car when he had to bond out of jail and gas was going for $3.99/gallon at the time.

Micheal pulls up in front of the McDonald's grinning, and I jump in the passenger seat. I count out $40 and set it aside for the buy. "I already called Pitbull, and he said he'll get us 6 bags for what we got," said Micheal as he jumped on the closest exit of 95 headed north. We make the trip in about 5 minutes (as usual) but turned into the Taco Bell parking lot instead of down their street. There is a very good reason for this- we had been hassled by the same couple of PBSO cops for buying dope on their beat, and they let us know that we would get pulled over and searched every time they saw our car. I hand Micheal the remaining $20 and take off running down side streets around the back to where I needed to go while he goes inside Taco Bell to wait. Haitian is outside already. We do a quick handoff and I race down the back roads once again to the Taco Bell with the 6 dimebags in my hand- I figure if the cops stop me, I'll just open my hand and they can't do shit to me.

I get back to Taco Bell, hand Micheal 1 of the bags and he shoves a needle and a cooker in my purse so we can go to the seperate bathrooms and get our heads on straight. We used to shoot in the car, but now we are too hot in this neighborhood. He finishes his shot before me, and by the time I stumble out of the women's room he is already at the counter ordering us some food. We laugh and eat and get back in the car, ready to get back on the highway asap and get back to Lake Worth, where our efficiency is located. But right in front of the ramp- cops! We get pulled over with no time to hide the remaining 4 bags, which are found right away by the same cop that had been harrassing us before.

"I could arrest you both and tow the car, but I won't. This time I'm just taking Michelle," says the cop with a goofy grin. "Next time, I take Micheal and if you piss me off once more, both of you are going to jail for a long long time. I told you not to come around here no more." He slaps the cuffs on me and puts me in the back of his sherriff's cruiser. I get to Gun Club Jail with an $8,000 bond and my very first possession charge. I spend the night, and the next morning get released on drug probation. [A heroin addict takes probation- yes, I was a total idiot back then. I was also 19 years old, so there's my excuse.]

Micheal did not know that I was getting probation. He had already robbed a house to get the eight grand necessary to bond me out (in fact he had way more than just eight grand) by the time I call him from the holding cell to let him know I was getting sprung. [I never even went upstairs on a felony heroin possession charge- not bad for a bitch with a record!] I didn't find out about our sudden financial "windfall" until we were pulling out of the jail parking lot, and needless to say I was shocked and impressed. What do 2 junkies do when they have thousands of dollars they suddenly don't need for anything specific? We called up Pitbull and Haitian and asked how much dope they had. Haitian asked how much we wanted. I smiled- "we have a lot of money- how much you GOT?" Haitian asked if we had $500, and I answered in the affirmative. We roll over there, this time getting off I-95 a full exit south of Okeechobee Blvd, parking the Saturn, and getting in a taxi the rest of the way there. No chances this time. We tipped the cab driver $50 to not notice that we were buying drugs, and he was more than happy to oblige. We get back to our car (in a much safer area for us) with 65 bags of heroin and immediately do 3 apiece before driving carefully to a motel in Royal Palm Beach. I figured we needed to get out of Lake Worth/West Palm until this whole thing blew over, plus I was on probation.

What Micheal didn't tell me is whose house he robbed. It was about 2 miles from the Royal Inn, where our car was parked right in the fucking lot. We had just done more dope and were munching sleepily on a pizza when someone pounded on the door- the way cops pound on doors when they are gonna arrest the person on the other side. I grab the 50+ bags, which are all gathered into a bigger bag, and shove the whole thing up my pussy- I am NOT violating my probation in less than 24 hours for fuck's sake. The cops burst in the room and slam Micheal against the wall. "You're under arrest for burglary!" They search the room for drugs, but there aren't even empty bags laying around. Needles and cookers, yes- but they didn't take me in because I still had my paperwork from the jail, proving that I had been incarcerated while the house was being robbed and therefore couldn't have been involved. The cops had seen our car in the parking lot- if we had gone somewhere ELSE, he would have had at least a couple days before he went down, maybe longer. [And you guys thought I was stupid!]

So, Micheal is in jail and I am asked to leave the Royal Inn. He was holding all the money, which means I couldn't just take it and bond him out, but I have all the dope plus the car. At least the bastard didn't leave me empty-handed. I call Gun Club a couple hours later and ask what his bond is- no bond. Of course. I decide to stay at my dad's house until I figure out what I'm gonna do. Two weeks later, I'm back in jail. The charge? VOP possession of heroin. Tons of fun, right?

The moral of the story is- crime does pay, but you lose everything if you act like an idiot.