So I left where I was staying. The guy I was with started a long rant about how I never "show my feelings" and how I "don't care about anything including him". Hell, he's not wrong, it just got on my damn nerves. So I decided to leave, and I was attempting to pack up my shit when he gets about thisclose to my face screaming about "GO BACK AND DO YOUR DRUGS GO BACK TO GREGGIE HIT THE FUCKING STREET DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS" and I happened to be holding a bottle of leave-in hair conditioner in my hand and I was screaming STOP STOP SHUT THE FUCK UP STOP YELLING I'M LEAVING!!! and trying to back away from him. So I did what any woman would do in that situation. I whacked him in the nose with the conditioner, making it bleed. Then he thumped me in the head, which hurt but also amused the hell out of me because he likes to go on for hours and hours and hours about how he's a "real man" and "real men never hit women, even if the woman hits them first. Hah! All it takes is a whack to the nose with a hair-care product to turn him from a "real man" into an sniveling adolescent boy. Fucking clown shoes.
As a result of this, I really didn't have time to pack my shit (hell, I walked out of there barefoot cause he refused to give me my shoes) so I pretty much lost most of my possessions. I'm back with Greggie, who said he will help me only if I stay clean. I haven't been doing TOO bad a job of that, I'm not exactly "living sober" but I'm not addicted to heroin anymore and that's a hell of a start. I'm not doing any more coke, either- sure it was fun. But that shit gets old, especially when you run out and your veins are thumpin' for more. Yyyyeeeaaahhh that sucks. So, no more coke. I still smoke tons of weed and take valium or muscle relaxers when I'm feeling really shitty (not daily with these, cause I know benzos are addictive too) but yeah. Soon I'll cut everything out- but right now I'm not strong enough. If the cravings start kicking my ass and I don't have a v to pop or a blunt to smoke, I will search out a bag of dope. And that's exactly what I don't want. Shittin' me. I've gone through too much pain, too much sickness, and too much of Bobby's bullshit to go back to the spike. I would've suffered for a month FOR NOTHING if I went back. No turning back, nigga!
So I guess I'm gonna look for a job today, a real job. Can't be that fucking hard, I've done it before. I no longer have internet access in the crib and have to go to the library (not like this is a new thing for me). I am starting a new life, and probably a new blog over on LiveJournal, I'm not sure if I'm gonna do that project or not but it helps to stay busy when you're feeling too irritable to talk to other people.
I nearly got a month off heroin- no turning back, no turning back.
Oh by the way- as I was leaving Bob threatened to call the police on me for a used needle that was in his house. Get it? The needle is in his house. I, on the other hand, am way down the fucking street (plus I rinse my rigs so there's no blood in 'em). Possession is 9/10ths of the law, mothafukka!
4 months ago