I hope I have the ovaries

I had sex in the back of a refrigerated truck! I love being able to add to my list of weird places that I've done it. Makes me feel like I'm winning at something (weird, huh?).

Well, it's Friday again (hooray!!) which means this is supposed to be my last weekend shooting up. I was gonna go to the methadone clinic last Monday, but it was Labor Day and they weren't doing intakes like they do every other Monday. So this Monday for sure. I don't know if I'm bullshitting my readers, myself, or both. I kinda hope I have the balls to go. Hmmm... I don't really like that expression coming out of a girl's mouth. "I hope I have the balls." Because, well, I don't have balls. We should make up our own expression of courage using our own reproductive organs. I hope I have the ovaries to get clean. Yes! There it is!

Everyone in my apartment building is trying to pimp me, including my landlady. I had been waiting literally 3 hours for my dopeman to show up, I'm drenched in sweat, and finally he calls and tells me to walk down to our meeting place (since there are cameras surrounding my apt building) because he's almost there. I grab my money and my smokes, and *knock knock* there's someone at the door. Motherfucker! It was my downstairs neighbor, telling me that she had a couple guys in her room and would I like to go make some money. I told her I was on my way out the door, and no, I don't shit where I eat. I go pick my shit up and come back up, sicker than hell by now, and start setting up my shot. *knock knock* it's the boyfriend of the girl who knocked earlier. He wants to know the same thing. I said no, and that I'm busy right now. I tie off my foot and *knock knock* it's that same bitch again!!!!! I opened the door and said I've been trying to do the same shot of fucking heroin for 15 minutes now, and why won't you people leave me alone for one goddamn SECOND!!!! I let her in and she watched me shoot while doing a couple hits of crack. She offered me one, but that shot got me in a good place and I didn't want to fuck it up. *knock knock* it's her boyfriend again, wondering where she went. Now they had my landlady in on it, they were all trying to make money off me, I won't get in any trouble for it, I can even do it in their room, and if not, could they please borrow 20 bucks, just until 8pm? I live amongst a bunch of moochers and wannabe pimps. I've been working for myself and myself only since I broke up with Micheal. I'm not about to let total strangers get a piece of the pie. Hah, that could be read more than one way.

I don't really know what else there is to say. Someone emailed me and said he had been reading here and had to know if I was for real or not. I think there's too much detail in here, too much "inside info" to really be fiction. I don't want to be thought of as some stupid rich girl, probably sitting in a mansion, writing about her imaginary life on the streets so people will feel sorry for her. If a bitch can't be honest on her own blog, where can she be honest? Shit! I'm the real deal, and that's for real. Why would anyone lie and make themselves a dopefiending street ho, anyway? That's not what I used to daydream about becoming when I was a kid. If this was fiction, I'd at LEAST make myself a homeowner instead of a motel-dweller. Christ have mercy.

And thanks guys for stopping the comment-section brawls. How sweet.

My boyfriend says I bitch too much and well, he's right, it's true
So I'll just smile and make a list of things I love to do
I love to pet my kitty, I love to shoot up dope
I love the smell of taco meat and Irish Spring-brand soap
I love leave-in conditioner and playing with my hair
I love smoking fatties and going to the fair
I love writing in notebooks and updating my site
I love a shot of coke that gets me higher than a kite
I love an ice-cold Pepsi and books by Stephen King
I love the color pink and my half-k diamond ring
I love living in Florida, I love my damn Newports
I love wearing miniskirts and itty-bitty shorts
I love to watch cartoons, even stupid Elmer Fudd
I love to watch my needle fill up with dark red blood
I love being on heroin, the nodding and the itch
And I love my boyfriend Greggie, so I'll try not to bitch!