Saturday, September 1, 2007

lots of cop-related posts lately

It's been a while since I published any "workplace" anecdotes, and a lot of funny things happen, so here goes.

I was walkin' along my usual stroll when a fat guy in a truck gestured me over. I got in his truck and he asked me how much for a blowjob, which I told him. We rode in silence for a few minutes looking for a place to park, and then he says, "You know I'm a cop, and you're under arrest." Figures, right? I was thinking to myself that at least this time I had a decent amount of heroin on me, and I could hide it while in the police station holding cell and maybe wean myself off and not go through the HELL I went through during my last county jail adventure. But this has happened before, and the first thing they do is show a badge or some sort of police identification. This "cop" didn't show me a damn thing. He says, "I know you don't want to go to jail, so I'll make you a deal. Just give me a blowjob, and I'll let ya go. This whole thing will disappear." Ohhhhhh, now I get it! He's a con man, trying to rip off a li'l working girl such as myself! That fucking bastard! So I asked him to show me his badge. He goes, "if I show you, I'll have to take you to jail. Is that what you want?" I just smiled. I bet that routine has worked on dozens of jail-fearing hoes in the past, but not this one. Not in a million years. I said, "I don't believe you." He goes, "So you want to go to jail? If I pull out of this parking space, we're going straight to Gun Club [the county jail is on Gun Club Road, so locals just call the jail itself Gun Club]. You better just give me a blowjob and nothing will come of this, because I don't want to arrest you." If I had any doubts before, they were gone. Most cops love arresting people, at least the ones I've come across. It's the reason they became cops- to arrest people and/or give them shit. I just got out of his truck, still laughing. What a jackass. Pretty slick though, I gotta give him props for trying. I've heard people say that not paying a prostitute is RAPE, which I think is a load of bulldookey. I'm offering something for sale, and if you take it without paying that's called STEALING or RIPPING ME OFF. Rape is something completely different. At least that's my opinion, but if you can't post your uncalled-for opinion on your own blog then where does it belong? At least my opinion isn't on a sign marching anyplace. Hah!

Later that night, I got in a truck and a REAL cop saw me get into it. He pulled us and told us both to get out. The cops on my stroll all know me, so he called me by name. The potential-date (who wasn't a regular, I'd never seen him before in my life) starts babbling on about how he was just offering a ride, he wasn't trying to fuck me, look, he didn't have any money in his wallet even, blah blah blah bullshit galore. "Did I ask you any fucking questions? No? Then shut up," says the cop. "So, you're driving around on Dixie, picking up local prostitutes-" at this point he turns to me and says "no offense, Michelle" to which I replied, "hey, you gotta call a spade a spade." He continues, "-and expect me to believe that you're just giving her a RIDE? How many times have I heard this story? I don't like when people lie to me." He ran both our names (I was warrant-free, like I knew I would be, hooray!!!!) and told the guy that he was gonna tow his truck and that he could pick it up in the morning. You shoulda heard this guy! "No! Please don't tow my truck! This has been a learning experience! I'll never pick up a girl again! I'm so sorry I lied to you, it's true, I was planning on picking this girl up but I wasn't gonna have sex with her, I just wanted a hand job! This is a company vehicle! I might lose my job! My girlfried is gonna kill me! Is there anything I can do, I mean within the law, like community service? Just PLEASE don't tow my truck! I'll do anything!" God, he was crying. It was so funny. My phone was ringing, all I cared about is whether or not I could answer it because I knew he couldn't take me to jail. Finally he let the guy go with his truck, and then turns to me and says, "that was pretty funny, wasn't it? That guy almost passed the fuck out! Now get off my block. And answer your fucking phone."

It should be against the law to enjoy your job this much. Oh wait- my job IS against the law! Haw haw haw! Lots of cop-related posts lately. I hope I don't go back to jail.

After all of that, my friend from Miami came over. She took me to 45th street and copped 2 bundles from speed dial #5, which she pretty much split down the middle with me while staying the night at my apartment. Okay, now 2 people know where I live- Greg and her. Whatever, she doesn't know anyone I know anyway since she lives in Coral Gables. Not exactly a stone's throw from L-Dub. We stayed up all night- well actually I passed out for a couple hours during which I had scary-ass nightmares. Something about cops and a bunch of ni-, heh, I mean black people at a crackhouse beating my ass. Scary shit. Then she copped another $280 worth of heroin from sd #3 and gave me some before rolling on back to Miami. What a generous girl. Then I went to sleep and proceeded to make a killing. Friday nights are the best money-making nights. Hooray! I copped from sd #5 and it took me 30 years to hit a vein, but I finally did so whatever.

Woke up with my rent payed, cigarettes, dope, food in the house, clean towels, and almost $100 in my pocket. Perfect chance to go chill at the library without having to worry about getting sick or getting hungry. From here I'm going to Saito's for some delicious sashimi lunch specials. Hooray again!

I'm gonna go to the methadone clinic on Monday. Wish me luck... oh and by the way to the people who leave comments on my blog, please don't leave mean comments about other people who left comments. No fighting on my fucking website. If you have something mean to say to me, well then that's a different story. But no shit-talking to each other. That's what instant messages are for.


the walking man said...

You know I have been reading your blog for the last month or so. I don't condemn or condone your lifestyle.

You have to live, it's that simple to me. How you live is how you find a way to live that keeps you going. that is enough. I kind of like reading your exploits, much different than my own at your age but still the sharp end of the knife just a different walk is all.

I appreciate the honesty with which you write. Hope you have no more nightmares, get your veins back to the top, I have to get blood drawn out of the back of my hand because I'd rather go through the extra pain than have the tech fish around for twenty minutes.

I apologized to Joe and agreed ...your blog your rules.



Oh yeah I checked out a bit of that Opiophile site, whew there was some truth telling going there kiddo...peace

Joe said...

Hey... OK, since the WM was so kind to appologize I will also appologize and say that I was a dick for talking shit in the 1st place. Good luck at the clinic.. I know lots of people who swear by it. I mean, the bad thing is that that stuff totally kills your motivation but the good thing is that you don't have to worry about being sick anymore. Is it one where they test you or not? Are you planning or trying to kick? Either way good luck and again sorry..

Boston Joe