I got left a list of questions on the comments section on my last post, so I thought I'd answer them. Why? Two reasons. One, they're legitimate (sp?) questions. Two, I have writer's block and maybe this will lead me somewhere...
1- Your family. You have pictures of them on your blog and you've mentioned them occasionally. Do they know about your lifestyle - your profession and your drug use?
They know I'm a dopefiend, yes. It's hard to hide that from anybody, what with the glazed half-shut eyes and the tracks and the constant giggling and all that noise. They don't particularly like it, so I don't talk about it in front of them and they don't ask. My mom will never ask me if I'm still shooting up because I'd only have two options at that point- lie to her (which she doesn't want) or tell her the truth (which she doesn't want). It's a sort of don't ask/don't tell policy, like gays in the military. The hooking, I'm not sure what they know. They are aware that I've done it before, especially during my crackhead "stage", but as of now I tell them that I work in a strip club. Maybe not the best thing to tell your family, but they would never believe me in a million years if I told them I was waitressing at Denny's. ((note: I'm not saying there's anything wrong with waitressing, I'm just saying I've tasted the kind of money I can make by taking off my clothes and getting on my knees and there's no going back.)) There's just certain things that I don't talk about when I'm with them.
2 - Your introduction to drugs. How did it start for you? How fast did you move on to the harder drugs?
I'm realizing that I never wrote on here about the Before Time, about where I came from. I've mentioned that I live in south Florida (which is true) but I've actually only lived here for about 4 years. I'll go into more detail at another point, but here's the short version. I'm originally from south Birmingham, Alabama. [[well I'm a redneck woman, I ain't no high-class broad!!]] One day in junior high I was pissed off about something or other and a schoolmate offered me a hit of crystal meth, which is as big in 'Bama as coke and crack is here in SoFla. I wanted the anger to leave (plus I was curious) so I tried it and instantly fell in love. Me and a small group of friends (we called ourselves The Associates) started smoking crystal all day every day, and at one point we started cooking it and selling it. We got to be pretty big-time, hundreds of pounds being sold from our labs. I'll call the 2 guys in The Associates "S" and "E" and the other girl "V". The cops ended up having a stand-off with V in front of her lab when she was 16 and unarmed and shot her 26 times. A week after that I blew up my meth lab (and my dog) and S and I ran to Florida (we're not wanted for anything, so I'm not really saying anything incriminating here). Me and S dated for a while once we got here, but meth doesn't exist down here so we got into crack, then weed, then heroin. It kind of went in a weird order for me. E is now the biggest dope dealer in Alabama, and we're still friends.
3- Your profession - are you a prostitute because you can make a lot of money quickly to score drugs or is there another reason? Do women become prostitutes because they want to or out of some need for quick money?
I'm a prostitute for many reasons. One, the money is great. Two, you meet a lot of cool people. Three, you get a lot of stuff for free just by dating local business owners. Four, you get a ride anywhere you want to go. Five, you can choose your own hours. Six, you can work high, drunk, half passed out, however you want, as long as your head can bob up and down you're straight. Seven, I don't have to give Uncle Sam his cut. Eight, I enjoy sex. Most chicks join the Pussy Parade because they need the cash and that's it. Some hoes enjoy themselves, some hate every second of it. The ones who enjoy themselves do a much better job, and they're less likely to kill themselves.
4 - Your future - Where do you see yourself when you are 30? Do you ever think about your future or your mortality?
I don't even know what I'm doing tonight, much less in 8 years. Jesus. If I think about my future, my head starts to hurt so I stop. I'll worry about it when I get there. As for my mortality, I'm not really scared of death. Sometimes I'm more scared of living then I am of dying. Not always, but sometimes. That's not to say that I'm in any way suicidal, just without fear. I don't welcome death, but I don't run from it either. Me and Death have met and he's a pretty nice guy- he let me take a couple practice swings before joining his league full time.
5 - Your health - how do you manage to stay alive and functioning with all of the drugs and cigarettes? I ask because, if I smoke 1 cigarette - it's too many and I end up with a sore throat.
I have no earthly idea. I should have been dead 1000 times over. Luck, skill, tolerance, God's will, resourcefulness, strength, all of the above? That's a mystery for someone else to solve, hell, Sherlock Holmes would be baffled. "She shoots up HOW much heroin? And she's WALKING??? Watson, I give up." I do, though, have HCV (hepatitis C) and polyps in my throat and severely diminished lung capacity and terrible circulation and MRSA (chronic staph infections) and collapsed veins and brain damage and been through several overdoses and finger-sized holes in my brain and a seizure disorder and terrible eyesight/hearing (from seizures) and terrifying nightmares and 4 ulcers and scars all over my body. So it's not like I came out unharmed...
I'm almost out of time, but hey! I answered all the questions. Someday I'll write more about the Before Time, when I lived in 'Bama. After all, I spent most of my life there. It's just that it's a closed chapter in my life. I'm not a speed dealer/speed freak anymore. And as bad as heroin is, it doesn't tear me up NEARLY as bad as the crystal did. I shot that shit up ONCE and went into immediate cardiac arrest. Now I do it when "E" brings some over to Florida, which isn't often (praise the Lord for that, no?)
And I'm done.
5 months ago