So, less than 24 hours to go...
I am pretty excited and scared, excited because the pregnancy will FINALLY be over and scared because I am such a pussy when it comes to physical pain. All that emotional-pain shit, I might get upset but then I get over it real fast. But I won't even pick up the half-gallon of milk with my right arm because I'm scared it will dislocate and that shit hurts so bbbAAAddd!!! I like the fact that the kid doesn't have any methadone in her system (according to a clean amnio test) and hopefully with have NO withdrawal symptoms. It's like God is giving us a pass because I did everyfuckingthing I could.
I was trying to make myself pretty today since I am facing a 6-day hospital stay for 'observation' which I'm not really looking forward to. It's partly because of the 'done and partly because I am high risk for postpartum depression, I guess that's because I am psychotic in every other regard. I tend not to be depressed though, I go the other way into "severe mania with audial and visual hallucinations" hah! :) Anyways, I got the "full amateur spa treatment" which means I gave myself a pedicure (I can't barely reach my feet), Greggie cut/filed/painted my nails (and let me tell you, he is much better at manly things than girly things like nail-painting, hahaha), and my mom cut my hair (she usually cuts my hair and dyes it too). I just appreciate that they tried, plus I like the kinda choppiness of my hair and my nails and toes look good to me. If I cared *that* much I'd go get my shit done professionally, but it's just not that big of a deal. I don't wear makeup either.
I wanted to say thanks, mostly to Greg and my family [side note: to the person who asked, Greg and my parents get along VERY WELL, shit when he comes over to the house he talks to them almost as much as he talks to me, I gotta get him alone to get his attention, haha; also while I am in the hospital he has blanket permission to come to my parent's house to eat or shower or whatever so he doesn't hafta go all the way home; my parents trust him which says a lot because they hate *everyone* that I like!] for being so damn supportive of me while I have been a fat lazy whiny bitch who has her own room but still insists on sleeping on the couch while people want to watch TV. :) More thanks to friends who even though I have not spent time with in person, they have helped me out a lot: ELLIOTT of course (who runs da souf bitch!), Melody (my bestest internet 'waist-up' girlfriend), Diamond and Dezirae (for being awesome in general), the folks on opiophile.org (well most of y'all at least), the people at my church (who of course don't know that this blog exists) and all my online friends. Also, thanks to the gracious woman who gave me the jasmine plant- I know you don't want to be named on this blog, but you know who you are- thank you. Y'all kick ass, and not just because you hang with me.
I wanted to say something about the person who "prefers to remain anonymous" (instead of just "promoting themselves and their blogs", that's kind of funny since just about everyone who comments with their blog link already has a link from my site anyways, hah). People say not to respond to her dumbness (I'm pretty sure she is female) and I did anyways, but I'm not going to anymore. I'll still respond to the more literate of the haters, but that girl can't really be grouped with "the haters" ya know? She isn't hating, I think in her own strange way she is trying to help me out. It's just that what she says doesn't apply at all, and that's not her fault. She thinks she knows a lot more about my situation (and apparently my relationship) than she actually does. But to quote the NAzis, "if it doesn't apply, let it fly." If someone was posting about how I could improve my soybean crop, I'd ignore them too because it doesn't apply to my situation at all and therefore it's not advice I can use.
Same idea for the man-hater, which is a good name for her. She's not really a Michelle-hater, she obviously was taken advantage of and hurt by some asshole dude (as we all know, this planet has no shortage of asshole dudes) and now thinks that any woman who loves any man is bound to end up like she did. But it's just not true. I defended Greg more that I defend myself on here, but he doesn't need defending on this blog and neither does our relationship. I know he loves me, he knows I love him, we both know where we stand, and age ain't nothin' but a number.
Well, I am OUTTIE and when I return, I shall post pictures of the munchkin!
4 months ago