Wednesday, September 24, 2008

full amateur spa treatment

So, less than 24 hours to go...

I am pretty excited and scared, excited because the pregnancy will FINALLY be over and scared because I am such a pussy when it comes to physical pain. All that emotional-pain shit, I might get upset but then I get over it real fast. But I won't even pick up the half-gallon of milk with my right arm because I'm scared it will dislocate and that shit hurts so bbbAAAddd!!! I like the fact that the kid doesn't have any methadone in her system (according to a clean amnio test) and hopefully with have NO withdrawal symptoms. It's like God is giving us a pass because I did everyfuckingthing I could.

I was trying to make myself pretty today since I am facing a 6-day hospital stay for 'observation' which I'm not really looking forward to. It's partly because of the 'done and partly because I am high risk for postpartum depression, I guess that's because I am psychotic in every other regard. I tend not to be depressed though, I go the other way into "severe mania with audial and visual hallucinations" hah! :) Anyways, I got the "full amateur spa treatment" which means I gave myself a pedicure (I can't barely reach my feet), Greggie cut/filed/painted my nails (and let me tell you, he is much better at manly things than girly things like nail-painting, hahaha), and my mom cut my hair (she usually cuts my hair and dyes it too). I just appreciate that they tried, plus I like the kinda choppiness of my hair and my nails and toes look good to me. If I cared *that* much I'd go get my shit done professionally, but it's just not that big of a deal. I don't wear makeup either.

I wanted to say thanks, mostly to Greg and my family [side note: to the person who asked, Greg and my parents get along VERY WELL, shit when he comes over to the house he talks to them almost as much as he talks to me, I gotta get him alone to get his attention, haha; also while I am in the hospital he has blanket permission to come to my parent's house to eat or shower or whatever so he doesn't hafta go all the way home; my parents trust him which says a lot because they hate *everyone* that I like!] for being so damn supportive of me while I have been a fat lazy whiny bitch who has her own room but still insists on sleeping on the couch while people want to watch TV. :) More thanks to friends who even though I have not spent time with in person, they have helped me out a lot: ELLIOTT of course (who runs da souf bitch!), Melody (my bestest internet 'waist-up' girlfriend), Diamond and Dezirae (for being awesome in general), the folks on (well most of y'all at least), the people at my church (who of course don't know that this blog exists) and all my online friends. Also, thanks to the gracious woman who gave me the jasmine plant- I know you don't want to be named on this blog, but you know who you are- thank you. Y'all kick ass, and not just because you hang with me.

I wanted to say something about the person who "prefers to remain anonymous" (instead of just "promoting themselves and their blogs", that's kind of funny since just about everyone who comments with their blog link already has a link from my site anyways, hah). People say not to respond to her dumbness (I'm pretty sure she is female) and I did anyways, but I'm not going to anymore. I'll still respond to the more literate of the haters, but that girl can't really be grouped with "the haters" ya know? She isn't hating, I think in her own strange way she is trying to help me out. It's just that what she says doesn't apply at all, and that's not her fault. She thinks she knows a lot more about my situation (and apparently my relationship) than she actually does. But to quote the NAzis, "if it doesn't apply, let it fly." If someone was posting about how I could improve my soybean crop, I'd ignore them too because it doesn't apply to my situation at all and therefore it's not advice I can use.

Same idea for the man-hater, which is a good name for her. She's not really a Michelle-hater, she obviously was taken advantage of and hurt by some asshole dude (as we all know, this planet has no shortage of asshole dudes) and now thinks that any woman who loves any man is bound to end up like she did. But it's just not true. I defended Greg more that I defend myself on here, but he doesn't need defending on this blog and neither does our relationship. I know he loves me, he knows I love him, we both know where we stand, and age ain't nothin' but a number.

Well, I am OUTTIE and when I return, I shall post pictures of the munchkin!


who runs da souf? said...

I see you thru my name out there like Im one of ur damn custies or somethin, just kiddin baby u no i love u a lot, did u get the $ that I paypalled u?


Anonymous said...

michelle I have been reading you for 2 years, i never post because I dont feel like I have much to say. I just want you to know that I have been praying for you and Jaz and your blog was/is one of the most entertaining blogs on the net. Please update more for us all, even tho you dont have your junky tales your blog is still fantastic and your stories are interesting. Can you please post more about your time in 'Bama and about some of the weirder things that have happened in your junky days? You did the unthinkable and you are an amazing gorgeous girl. I feel pleasured just to read your blog! I would love to email you one day! GOOD LUCK with lil Jaz much love from gary indiana (no its not a hick town lol)

Cocaine Princess said...

I love your blog and have been loving it from day 1. I love reading about your open and honest life and your willingness to hold nothing back!

I'm sending you positive vibes for your delivery. As for the pain-part (hope there isn't too much) when you hold your munchkin for the first time you'll realize it was worth it.


Polgara said...

Good luck with the munchkin, no horror stories please, i got 5 weeks to go yet!
Hope everything goes well for you
Pol x

Anonymous said...

God bless, wishing you and your baby all the best!

Anonymous said...

Hey Mich.. Have not left a comment in a lonnggg ass time, have not really had time to surf the blogs in work like I used to :(
Just wanted to say Good Luck and God Bless, a baby changes your life in a lot of ways which you will be finding out!! It can be hard but being a parent is the BEST.. take care girl, we are all thinking of you!!
Boston Joe

Melody said...

You'll be on my mind all day today sweetheart. Lots of love, Melody

JAMIE said...


Anonymous said...

I have felt terrible all day today for the rant I was on yesterday. I can't explain the way my brain works but I'm glad to hear that you picked apart my nonsense enough to know that I really am trying to look out, not put you down. If my words came across that way, I sincerely apologize.

Please believe me when I say, I love my men, I'm really not a man-hater. I have a bad habit of sticking my nose where it doesn't belong.

I've been reading you since junkylife and I hated that you strayed away from there because of all of the negative feedback.

Please know, I only hope the best for you.

I've been thinking about you and the baby all day long and I'm dying to know how you are doing.

Also, I have to make note of your mom's comment. That brought tears to my eyes when I read it.

Take care girl. We are all thinking about you!

Paula said...

Best wishes, hun! I'll be saying a prayer for you and Jaz...

K1tten said...


Where is my thank you.


carrida said...

I don't even remember how I linked to your blog but I've loved all of it!

Congrats on getting clean and can't wait to see your beautiful baby girl!

I agree with wanting to hear more about the 'bama days...just cause I'm a 'bama girl myself. =)

Best wishes! c