pot smokers and serial killers

Oh lordy, there is so much going on that I am not at liberty to discuss on an "open" forum. I wish I could say everything that is going on, but so far only one person knows all the "deets" and frankly, I can't trust a motherfucker I never met. Basically my legal situation right now sucks. I'm scared of getting my bond revoked, which this bondsman I/we talked to said that dude who bonded me out (from here on out: Dude) couldn't revoke my bond without talking to a judge, and even then he'd have to have a damn good reason. And I'm not on dope, I'm not on crack, I'm not on meth. I'm drinking like a sumbitch and smoking pot, but who cares? I'm not on probation or anything, and even if I was, I'm not a drug offender. Well, not this time around at least. But since I'm out on 2 different bonds for 3 different misdemeanors (prostitution, resisting arrest without violence, and withholding information) all my cases are gonna come up at the same time next year. Yeah, I said next year. Those bitches CALENDAR-CALLED me so I could sit in jail till halfway through January. Now I'm glad my court date is far- I got Christmas and New Years Eve, bitches!

The one thing I'm bitching about more than anything is the fact that I can't leave. I'm stuck in Dude's house for most of the day and when I finally do get a breath of fresh air, I'm forced to swear on a stack of Bibles not to see anyone I care about. Why? My boyfriend doesn't get high, it's fucked up shit. I got plenty to bitch about, all about my legal sitch but maybe I should just shut my damn mouth.

I called the person I didn't snitch on and left an "anonymous message" telling them what was up. I guess my voice was recognized and they called my phone and promised me a freebie just for looking out. I dunno if I'm gonna take it or not. Yeah, this is me talking. Michelle, turning down free heroin. I'm not sure if I want back on points, I mean yeah a shot would be fucking lovely but... I don't like waking up with the feeling that someone just kicked your ass an hour ago, stomach in a knot, every tendon and nerve and muscle and vein in your body screaming FEED ME YOU STUPID WHORE!!!! So at least if I go back, I won't be going back blind. I'm a junkie, and I've been a junkie for a long time. I know what I'm getting myself into.

But now, I guess I gotta write about jail. All county jails are basically the same, pot smokers and serial killers chilling together and awaiting their sentences. But I didn't have as rough of a time as I thought I would, after the withdrawals slowed down. I would say "after the withdrawals ended" but I'm still fucking dopesick. I still wake up sweating and crying, god I'd suck a thousand dicks for ONE BAG!!!!!!!! Any volunteers? Hah, just kidding... but not really. (That's from the movie Dodgeball, the best comedy of all freakin' time!) Too many exclamation points, no? Anyways, I went to jail and I had some open sores (fucked-up track marks) so they threw me into the medical unit. That sucked. You sit in your cell for the whole day, on your bunk by yourself. At 8am we got out of the cell to shower and make legal calls (attorneys, public pretenders, court clerks, bondsmen, etc) and then at 8pm we got out of the cell to make personal calls. So that makes about 22 1/2 hours of bed-sitting a day. And let me tell you, that heroin withdrawal doesn't make it easy to sleep. I was up for my first 9 days. Finally I was cleared by medical and allowed into general population, aka GP. That was more fun, cause at least there were bitches there to talk to and I knew half the dorm. Hell, I had hooked up half the dorm when we were on the outs. I never sold heroin in my life and I was still known as the "dope fairy" cause I hate seeing people sick so I was always like, "pay me back if you can" and now I'm sitting in jail with these same hoes, sick as a dog, and not a BITCH is gonna offer me a piece of chocolate. Two-faced whores.

Oops, I think my ghetto is showing. Let's get back to reality.

I need to do something differently. I'm not even allowed to go make money!!! I'm claustrophobic as it is, and I can't be inside inside inside. Ever see that movie 'Cabin Fever'? Well that's me if I stay inside long enough. I told Dude that I wasn't an easy person to live with, that I need my own... well, I really need my own everything and that's why I usually live by myself. I mean, my last "roommate" before Dude was Joe, and he was the perfect roomate and after he overdosed on that fucking smack I decided I didn't want another roommate. Just another fallen soilder in the Dope War. Sometimes I wish that was me, you know? I could just take that one shot, out of the blue, through the black, and into that shining white light. Oops, I better watch myself. They might put me in the looney bin which won't look good in front of the judge.

So anywayz, even though I write this mostly for myself, I'll keep on posting as shit happens just in case anybody out there in cyberspace gives a fuck about The Misdemeanors of Michelle.