Tuesday, February 27, 2007

piss piss moan moan bitch bitch

A 40 oz to freedom is the only chance I have to feel good even though I feel bad
[[sublime-40 ounces to freedom]]

Life sure is a sonofabitch. Day 6 of detox and I'm still a sick kitty. I wish I could eat... I haven't eaten in days... literally since I got here, except for a couple pieces of candy and 2 or 3 bites of rice. No wonder I have no energy. I'm so excited to leave tommorrow I could shit my pants. Oh god it was so embarrassing- I shat myself the other day, for real. I was humiliated, even through no one knew about it except for the nurses. I haven't shat myself since I was a little kid- they say it's the detox but it was pretty humbling.

Piss piss moan moan bitch bitch... like anyone wants to hear about that. I usually have such a positive attitude and now I'm sick and so grumpy and hurty and bitchy.

News from Dixie- Shane is in jail for grand larceny and I think Kim is too but I'm not sure because I don't know her last name so I can't look her up. I'll try "Kimberly" plus her last initial (I at least know that much) see if she's on the outs or not. I miss Dixie Highway. I miss Lake Worth. I miss GREG!!!! I never thought I would really "get with" a guy for more than a trick or a one-night stand after Micheal but Greg has been the best guy for me. It's right what I need- a guy who doesn't get high. But he does have a stash for me to bang when I get out tommorrow. Just thinking about it makes me want to hurl. I miss my god damn heroin and my god damn needles. Piss piss moan moan bitch bitch...

I've come to my senses that I've become senseless
I could give you lessons on how to ruin your friendships
Every last conviction, I smoked them all away
I drank my frustrations down the drain, out of the way
So I sit and wait and wonder- does anyone else feel like me?
I'm so tired of the same routines and disappearing self-esteem
I could write the best book on co-dependency
I'm the prime example of underage tragedy
I been spending my time at the local liquor store
And I been sleeping nightly on my best friend's kitchen floor
So I sit and wait and wonder- does anyone else feel like me?
I'm so overdosed on apathy and burnt out on sympathy
I'll sing along with every emergency
Just sing along, I'm the king of catastrophe
I'm so far gone, that deep down inside I think it's right by me
I'm my own worst enemy

[[less than jake-the science of selling yourself short]]

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