[before] [after]

These pics were taken in the same park, about 8-10 months apart. The first one, in the middle of a B-A-D heroin binge (and probably right after a shot). The second one, last weekend after about 3 consecutive dope-free months. Well, approximately 3 months- I stopped counting days after the first month since that's for the 12-steppin' NAzis. Anyways... see the difference?

To reply to one of the comments (too lazy to reply to all of 'em): Yes, the cops are disgusted with me. You know the cool part though? It doesn't keep me up nights, seeing that I don't think too much of them either. I'm not a cop-hater, I've just run across some real pieces of shit hiding behind a badge and a Tazer. Hooker or not, criminal or not, I'm still a goddamn American and deserve to be treated like one (regardless of what my internet "enemies" say).

stupid old warrants

Guess where I was yesterday???

http://www.pbso.org/index.cfm?/36236E2D250215130035161D520F070B37523F371E40392C392E20014F1707340A5A1B1B093B3B01170E1F4D3936362C2131080A0420000728595C5E655C5B5B2C1360726B7F7D5F535752713A125A031E00741B0B1E1E436D3B363C6F0F0E080E7A574444515E55665A545F5542207F1278715F22535176513630592A566B2B572942166806660D0D5D57542770564751/index.htm

It was a warrant from June and I was out in 5 hours. The cop even let me change into warm clothes, have a cig, and take some Benadryl (so I could sleep my holding-cell time away) before taking me in, and I got bonded mad quick. It was still a big pain in my ass though! I think it's funny that every "local address" they give for me when I get arrested is different, and none of them are real- ha!

...stupid old warrants...

started seeing a bunch of bikers and rednecks

^ ^ ^ !!!PICTURES!!! ^ ^ ^

I been feeling crappy as hell lately, need a damn increase on my 'done or a bag or something and not doing any of it. Today I did nothing but lay around the house and try to sleep, I guess each day is getting worse but until today I was getting out and doing things. I dunno when I updated last (and don't feel like stopping to check) so I'll just start with the weekend.

Saturday I went to a stretching/exercise class with my mom, it was kinda fun but I'm not super flexible (although I can put my feet behind my head, ha) so some of the stretches hurt like hell. The lady said that I'd only be able to do the class for a couple months tops because my belly will start to get way too much in the way. Then we went to the zoo over by Summit and Parker. It was fun and distracting, looking at the animals. I've been there tons of times (I've been in Florida for a long fucking time) but this time I seen the black bears and the huge scary looking tiger right up close. Also a couple of gigantic rats- which reminds me, I just finished watching Alvin and the Chipmunks ("They're not kids, they're rats!". There was this turtle that was flipped over onto it's back, and me and 3 others were all crowded around the reptile tank cheering it on while it tried to get back the right way. It would wiggle around for a minute, then get tired and lay there with it's head in the water (it had a super fucking long neck), then start wiggling around again. Finally it righted itself and everybody was like, hooray! Stupid, I know, but who cares? It was fun without drugs. I don't have any pics of that, but I have pics from the next day.

Sunday I was real sick, and pissed off. Greg picked me up and gave me a percocet, left over from the ones I was prescribed back when I broke my elbow. [Yeah- I had some left. Lemme guess- "bullshit!" right?] Then we wandered around John Prince Park and started seeing a bunch of motorcycles and bikers and rednecks so we wondered what the hell was going on. Turns out, there was a chili cookoff going on, which explains the rednecks, and it was sponsored by Harley, which explains the bikers. They had 12 different chili booths lined up and were selling cups for a buck apiece (we got 12 cups for ten bucks) and each cup comes with a ticket. The basic idea is to try chili from all the different booths and then the ones you like, you put a ticket in a box with the name of the chili on it. Between the percocet and the pot I was cool, so Greg and I proceeded to try all the chilis. We would each get one, eat half the cup, then trade. The only exception was when a chili was too hot, since I have ulcers, he would eat em after I tried a couple spoonfuls. We each tried each one though, and then threw tickets in the good boxes.

I do have pics from the chili cookoff, up at the top. I tried putting the pics down here, but they all went to the top. Nothin a bitch can do, especially someone like me who is basically computer illiterate. Damn these pics are uploading slow. Then, after a couple hours of eating chili and smoking and being in the sun, we passed out in the back of the camper. I got my first tan of the spring- I'm so damn white that the only way I tan is if I get a sunburn because after 1 or 2 days it fades into a tan. If I don't burn, I'm albino-looking. Well, I guess SoFla albinos still look tan to everyone else, right? But down here it's a different standard, so it's good to be Florida tan again.

Today I was real sick, and didn't do fuck. Greg is painting my folks' house- its a weeklong job. Nice, huh? Hope we don't get sick of each other : ) By the way, all pictures here are taken by Greg, who is a much better photographer than anyone else (one reason the pic of me and Lucas came out so shitty- Greg didn't take it).

"There's a hole in the world like a big black pit, and it's filled with people that are filled with shit, and the vermin of the world inhabit it." That's Johnny Depp playing Sweeny Todd- what a great fucking movie! An R-rated musical, in Goth-looking London, directed by Tim Burton, starring Johnny Depp as a vengeance-crazed murderer! What the hell else could I want in a flick?

$$QUICK REPLIES$$ <---cuz I am tired of typing

neely- Thanks.

anon 1- "My grandmother was a typical white person" -Barak Hussein Obama. My grandmother's sisters' husband's dog can't discuss politics, but even if he could- why would I listen to him? He's just a dog. Just like I'm just a junkie, so you shouldn't listen to me. Don't take everything so goddamn seriously! Wow!

anon 2- True.

victoria- I don't mind the haters. Have you seen my hit counter? The haters are hooking me up with hits and interesting shit to read. I encourage it by responding to them, you should try it- it's fun. I'm FINALLY tan for the first time since Christmas (our Christmas is like summer in the north, for real). I'm not writing baby name online cause I've picked 2, a boy and a girl name, but they are special to me so I'm not gonna write it for the haters to read ya know? Email me and I'll tell you though just keep it off the internet k?

anon 3- Heroin addicts are all psycho- that doesn't mean other people aren't.

taxitalk- Thanks for the encouragement. I'm staying away from the dope, it's just harder than I thought it would be, ya know? I want this kid to be ok, he/she's gotta overcome a lot of obstacles already.

anon 4- I got stoned as fuck yesterday too...

cocaine princess- The haters make me laugh- I'd rather respond to them than ignore them.

boston joe- Keep up the good work. Obama sucks. He would be great in Hollywood, as a movie star- thats what I think.

anon 5- I say I'm KINDA racist cause that's how I am. "White power" people will hate someone just because they are black. I don't have a problem with blacks- I just hate niggers. Lots of blacks are niggers, but not all niggers are black. Hell, there's white niggers and spanish niggers and probably asian niggers, although I've never personally met one (then again, I don't live in a really asian-intensive area). Barak is a nigger. Lil Wayne is most definitely a nigger!!!! Do you think I care what he'd appreciate? Do you think Lil Wayne will ever read this? NO! I like lots of music where I don't like the band or singer or rapper or whatever. I don't like the guys from Metallica, but I still like their music. I hate niggers, but I like some rap. Is that a problem? Don't take shit so seriously. My racism will never affect you- I don't run shit. I bet you don't even live in my town! 9th grade? I graduated #1 in my class- I know, I know "bullshit! you never graduated! blah!" Though to be honest, it was a graduating class of 7!

libby- Thanks! Now I can pretend I voted. BTW where in hell is Punta Gorda? Did you know that means "fat point"? I'm in Palm Beach County...

TO ALL MY HATERS- If I'm so worthless and racist and whorish and junked out and no one cares what I think- why did my hit counter pass 1000 in 1 month? Huh? I put that fucker up on March 15th and it's currently at 1,237! In your face, haters!

condoms don't exist here in Palm Beach County

It is 3am (well, actually now it's almost 5 but I woke up at 3) and I'm dopesick. Someone I know moved in right up the street (walking distance), I never pictured him in this neighborhood. It will be too easy to get shit now if I want to- and yeah, I checked, the phone number is the damn same. I haven't even attempted to get shit, and I hope it stays that way. I went outside to burn a cig and there was a kitten crying and walking all over the street in front of my house. I yell "kitten!" and it runs up the driveway, I open the screen door and yell "kitten!" again and it runs up onto the front porch. Not a stray cat, someones pet obviously. So I brought her some tuna (I have no cat food) and am keeping her on the front porch until I find out whose kitten. I put a note on the door so no one opens that door and the kitten gets in (my lil bro is super allergic to cats, and it could fuck him up since he's coming home from UF for the summer sometime soon). Greg sent a new pic- hooray! I can replace the crackhead-looking one in the corner! I can't wait until the clinic opens, I usually don't wake up sick like this, it's just... tonight.

I don't really have much to post, but I wanted to answer some of these comments- god I laughed my ass off!!!!

$$REPLIES$$

jin- I don't know fuck about politics, but I do know what a racist sounds like, especially since I am one (kinda).

taxitalk- How old is your kid?

anon 1- 1) Oooh, a stab to the heart! Ha! 2) I thought I was full of shit and every word I said was a lie- you'd call DCF on the strength of a lie? You haters are great! 3) Actually it's cause I'm high-risk and it was hard finding a dr, but thanks for your concern.

anon 2/jamie- No, but that's a good question. : )

fatal-rage- Thanks.

anon 3- Yes! I knew I'd get a comment like this! Awesome!!! I called Obama a nigger because I think it's ridiculous that he can say racist shit on national TV and still have supporters (and still be in the race for presidency, wow!) but if I say some racist shit on my little free blog, I get flamed flamed flamed- and I'm fuckin' nobody! If he can hate white people on national TV, I can hate him back on my blog. No one is paying ME for my opinion- I don't have to listen to you! Hah! Thanks for proving my point. Not that it matters- I don't vote anyway. "White-trash meddling alter ego!" Cool! I didn't know my alter-ego was white trash, I thought I was 100% white trash! I'd rather be white trash than black trash any day of the fucking week. But he's not even a nigger, he's a HALF BREED!!!! Run away!!!!

anon 4- What is this shit with tracing IP addresses? I know what it means, I just don't know how you could find out about someones mental illness just by the IP address. What does my IP say about me? Dying to know. And no making fun- I never claimed to know fuck about computers. Making this blog pretty much exhausts my techno-knowledge- that and recording shit on Tivo.

anon 5- He's not a muslim. Just a half breed lying nigga!

anon 6- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I need more comments like this. Fucking funny shit.

anon 7- See girl, I had no idea. I knew it'd be shitty if I had to go to the public health clinic, so I bounced around different docs (I am high risk for all the obvious reasons, and cause I have hep C) and still ended up sitting in that shithole for hours. Well, it made a good story at least, right?

mark_in_fl- Only if it's the drive in- I don't like theaters cause you can't smoke or drink (I'm not drinking now, but I'm not gonna be dry forever).

anon 8- I know who the father is. But you wouldn't know him anyways, no would you?

anon 9- I say the same thing when people cuss someone out over not liking Ricky Williams of the Dolphins, or whatever sports guy/politician/Hollywood fool they are backing. Why spew so much venom because of Obama? Do you really think that he'd defend you if someone was talking shit about you? Hell no! He doesn't give a fuck about you... wait, are ya black? Then he gives a shit in theory only. If you're white- he hates you, don't question it. Listen- my opinions about politics don't amount to a bird's fart in a hurricane! So don't get so bent out of shape.

jake- Thanks jake! I knew that IPtracing-multiple personality stuff was a bunch of shit, and that proves it. That's not sarcasm either.

anon 10- Yeah, condoms don't exist here in Palm Beach County.

typical black person

Chronicles of impatience and drug cravings...

It is winter all of the sudden! It's been hot as the seventh level of hell since before Christmas, actually since LAST winter, and all of the sudden I wake up yesterday morning and it's 60 degrees! This morning it was 52 degrees and I refused to get on the bus to go the clinic. I don't have clothing designed for 52 degree weather- I live in a state with no winter! You can't get much souther than SoFla (in the US, I mean), and it's APRIL- it has no right being this goddamn cold. The next "informed" asshole who talks to me about global warming is getting kicked right in the fuckin' nuts.

Yesterday I went to the new ob/gyn for my first appointment with him. My appt was at 145pm, and I guess I was about 5 minutes late. When I got there, I walked up to the desk and noticed there was no paper for signing in, which I thought was a standard practice at all dr offices. So I asked the receptionist (that is a long word, so from now on I will refer to the receptionist as "the lady" cause it's shorter and I have a feeling that word will come up a few more times while typing this story, k?) if I should sign in. The lady says no, just sit down. So I sit down.

At about 230, the lady points to me and asks me what my name is, and why didn't I sign in- the same lady who told me I didn't have to when I asked. I brought this point up, and she responds with, "I was on the phone." Fun start for an impatient moody bitch like me. To add to my frustration, the waiting room was about the size of the living room in a single-wide trailer, and all 5 (or 6?) seats were taken as well as all the standing room. Hell, all the oxygen was taken and it was hotter than holy hell in that waiting room. So I go stand outside, leaving the door open so I can hear my name when it's called. The lady tells me to close the door, which I did until she went back into the little office-thingy behind the window and then swung it the fuck back open.

At about 250, I went up and asked what the bloody hell is taking so goddamn long. Actually, I didn't say that. I asked how much longer it would be, because I had somewhere to be at 4pm. It was actually my mom who had to be somewhere at 4, but she was my ride and I was pretty fucking far from home. East side of PB Lakes Blvd- those of you who know where I live (and know SoFla) can appreciate how far that is. The lady asks where I have to be at 4. I tell her that it's actually my ride who has a prior commitment, and that was why I made a 145 appt instead of later... not that it's any of her damn business where I have to be. She says I will be the next one called, so I stay in the oxygenless waiting room figuring it won't be much longer. At about 330, after 3 more women were called back, I went back to the lady. Here is a basic transcript of our conversation:

me: What's going on? I thought you said I was next.
her: You are next.
me: You said that over half an hour ago, but I've watched 3 people get called since you told me that. Can I just reschedule? I can't stay much longer- it has been almost 2 hours.
her: Okay, can you be here tommorrow at 730am?
me: Can it be later than that? I'm busy mornings [this is not just a lie to sleep late, I have to take the stoopid Palm Tran city bus to and from the methadone clinic every damn morning and usually don't get home until 8pm. The clinic, of course, is in the opposite direction of the dr's office].
her: Why can't you be here in the mornings? Where do you have to be and why?
me: I just can't.
her: Why?
me: Does it really matter why? I can't be here that early!
her: Just tell me- is it something court ordered? What is it?
me: I'm sorry, but I don't see how it's any of your business. [what I didn't say: "You're so worried about what I'm doing at 4 and what I do in the mornings when you can't figure out the schedules of when people are supposed to see the dr! That could be my scheduled masturbation time for all you know, or I could be on house arrest and can't leave until 9am! Maybe I don't want to tell you nothing! Why don't you work on making sure people don't have to wait 2 hours when they have an appointment- you know, your job, that thing you get payed to do- and let me worry about my personal life." It would have been fun, but I held my tongue.]
her: Okay, how is 1030am tommorrow?
me: Sounds great to me.

So I left at about 340pm, which was 1 hour 50 minutes spent sitting in that sweltering waiting room with both thumbs up my ass. I went back today at 1030am, like I was sposed to, and only had to wait an hour, but most of that time was spent in the exam room by myself (sweet, sweet oxygen!) instead of the Haitian-packed waiting room. Oops, that was racist like Obama! I meant Guatpacked, not Haitan-packed! Hah! Obama's grandmother was a "typical white person!" Hah! She raised him because his [black] dad split on him. Doesn't that make him a... "typical black person"? You can't say typical black person, that's RACIST!!! God how I love laughing at hypocrisy.

What if I say that black people smell bad and so do their neighborhoods, and even if I could vote (I'm a convicted felon so I can't) I would never vote a nigger into office, especially a nigger who hates whites and is proud to hate whites, especially a nigger who hates whites with the middle name of Hussein!?! Is that racist? It is? GOOD!!! I don't care, I'm not running for president. I'm allowed to be racist.

I have a FUCKING MIGRAINE FROM HELL!!!!! It's just now starting to fade, but I got it around 130pm (it is now 7pm). I tried everything: ice packs, laying in the quiet darkness, homeopathic migraine remedy that you rub on your forehead, tylenol, going to the chiropractor, chain-smoking, not smoking, and finally 4 Excedrin Migraine. I saved that for last cause pregnant bitches aren't supposed to have aspirin, but the only other thing that works every time for migraines is heroin. I figured the Excedrin was the lesser of two evils. And guess what? It worked... a little bit. Still achy, which is annoying.

I miss shooting up. Also I'm out of weed. Hopefully SOMEONE (you know who you are) will hook me up because of the favor I did for SOMEONE.

$$REPLIES$$

libby: Cook? I can barely make macaroni and cheese! My talents lie elsewhere. Sashimi kicks ass, but preggos aren't sposed to eat raw fish. That sucks the big hairy one, especially last night when my dad took me to a Chinese/Japanese restaurant and I stared longingly at the sushi bar before ordering lo mein.

jamie: If I can stay off drugs (when I say "drugs" I'm including booze and pharmies, but not weed) until the baby is born, I'll probably get someone to watch him/her for a little bit and get myself a reward shot. Not right away, and only once. Hah... only once. What a fucking joke.

anonymous 1: Thanks for that! My brother is awesome, and he did that haircut for some kind of performance either for class or for an extra curricular activity. It looked cute in person, that pic didn't do him justice but it was the only one I got before he left again so I posted the fucker. It does look terrible in the pic though- I will give you that.

coke addiction kinda sucks: Sorry bro.

connie: Are you sure you want to start with me on here? I guess so. I like when people I know in real life come online and "make requests" such as that one, cause I get to speak my mind without them being able to walk away or hang up on me. If you don't read this- I don't care. 'Twas fun to write. "Leave my son alone." You talk like your son is in jr high school and you just found out he was smoking pot with the big kids. Last I checked, he is a GROWN UP who is perfectly capable of deciding who he does (and doesn't) want to spend time with. In case you weren't aware: HE got in touch with me and told me he had to talk to me, it's important. Don't believe me? It's on the comments section, right here. I bet you're even the one who pointed him here after he and I hadn't spoken for... what, months? Yeah, months. All I did is do what he asked me to do- call him at home, visit him at the store during his break, etc. You have no right to tell me what to do. If I want to see him while he's on break (read: on his OWN time outside of your house), the only person who can really tell me no is HIM. Not you. DEFINITELY not you. I do what I want, when I want and you can't do shit about it, because you have no authority over me. Maybe you have authority over your 23-year-old son, but that's only because he lets you. If you want us not to see each other, talk to him. There is at least a SMALL chance that he will listen to you, while with me you don't have a snowball's chance in hell. Let your adult son be a fucking man- he does have balls, you know. Trust me- I've played with them. Boo-ya!

jimmy: Connie isn't my mother (thank god for that!) or Luke's mother. She was almost my mother-in-law at one point, but it didn't happen. Don't talk about stuff you know absolutely nothing about, cause you come out sounding like an ignorant asshole... k?

anonymous 2/connie: Oooh, venom! Scary! By the way, I still haven't forgotten the time you woke up my folks at 330am, threatening to call the police if I didn't return the iPod that MWS sold me for cash money- regardless of what he may have spent the money on, hah. You call the police more than 911 operators! Feel free to keep calling 'em- I now have nothing to fear.

Until next time, my dear friends and enemies and acquaintances and strangers!

anyone heard of Union Underground?

I got on here to update, but got caught up with the music videos on YouTube. Anyone heard of Union Underground? I had that CD when I was like, 14 and haven't heard them even mentioned since then. South texas deathride, that's a fucking good song. Also, Revolution man. Just lose it by Eminem, and Let a killa fuck you by Insane Clown Posse.

Mariah Carey, nah, forget it
If ODB hit it, I can't fuck with it
Nothin' against Ol' Dirty or nothing
But you know he's at least got herpes or something
I wouldn't mind fucking Britney Spears
In a cheap motel with them ceiling mirrors
With that bitch, in a couple of weeks
I'd have her hooked on crack rock workin' the streets
-the last song I talked about up there

I got a little weed, not a lot but enough for right now cause it's decent. At least it gets me... somewhere. Can't think of much the fuck else to say.

I WOULD FUCKING KILL FOR A FUCKING SHOT OF FUCKING DOPE!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!

$ REPLIES $

anon 1- Yeah, I've gained like 10 pounds in the past 4 months, which I suppose puts me on the road to beached-whale-itude. I agree I looked better when I was thinner- can't get upset at the truth, right? People who get pissed at the truth are assholes, and while I'll never claim not to be an asshole I at least attempt to avoid asshole behavior. But hell, between having 2 months off drugs, cutting WAY back on my cig smoking, my 15 weeks of pregnancy, and the cravings for all sorts of odd junk foods, I think going from 130 lbs to 140 lbs is pretty fucking decent. Anyways, thanks for the hate. I knew I wouldn't be able to put up ANY pics without someone making a mean comment, and you have fulfilled the quota. Props! One thing though- you can talk shit about me all day and night and I won't take offense, but there is no reason to diss my baby brother. He's a genuinely good person, and the absolute WORST thing he does is... well, hanging with the likes of me. Blood is thicker than water, right? Please, point your double-barreled hate gun in MY direction and leave my family out of your shit-talking. That means ALL the haters. Thanks for reading.

jamie- You're welcome for the pic! More pics will soon be posted... if Greggie cooperates, that is! ; ) I still see 4 or 5 special guys (my "preferred customers") who treat me well and pay well and treat me like a friend (in some cases, like a temporary girlfriend) instead of like a whore. All these dudes know I'm pregnant, and they are cool with that. And no matter how close we get, I still use condoms (of course). But I am staying with my folks, and they pay for my daily 'done and food and bus pass and most of what I need. The only thing they won't throw down for is cigarettes, but I brought a carton on Sunday (not yesterday, but last Sunday when I moved in) and am still on pack #5- not bad, huh?

taxitalk- How old is your son? Cigarettes, I cut down on but still can't totally quit- I smoke 1/2 pack a day now which isn't so bad. Weed, same situation. I got no reason to quit weed though.

coke addiction kinda sucks- A blog is a forum for the free exchange of ideas and opinions. If I deleted all the anonymous rude comments, I would be a hypocrite because I claim to love free speech. If I can say whatever the hell I want and not be censored, why shouldn't others have the same privilege? A lot of what I write about is controversial, and people absolutely have the right to express their opinions whether they are negative or positive. If I started taking off all the comments that I thought were "asshole" or "rude", I would be a hypocrite of the highest order. And hypocrites suck.

anon 2- This is MY blog. If you want to talk shit to that guy, go to HIS blog and spew your venom. On MY blog, all hatred should be aimed in MY direction. Cool? Cool...

recenter isn't even a real word

Here is an even recenter picture. I realize recenter isn't even a real word, but neither are "norther" "souther" "easter" or "wester" and I still enjoy using those in my writing and speech. If anyone has a problem with that... I don't really care. But anyways, this picture was taken this morning. My baby brother Lucas came home from UF for the weekend, and mostly he hangs out with his friends when he comes by our parents house. But I always ask him to please set aside at least an hour where me and him can chill, just the 2 of us, and he always does- unless our schedules are way conflicting, in which case I see the top of his head through his group of buddies and we promise each other that we will hang out next time. Last night is when he got here, but by the time he walked in most of his peeps were already at the house and more than half of 'em spent the night. He told me to wake him up at 8am (I dosed at 7 and got back from the clinic at 715, so I had plenty of time to feel ok before dragging his sleepy ass out from under his blankie) so me and him could go to Burger King for breakfast. We actually didn't leave until past 9am, between him being lazy and me needing a shower and both of us brushing our teeth. But we went to eat, and he even treated! I love my baby brother so gosh damn much (I heard someone say "gosh damn" on the radio and thought it was hilarious) and am always happy when he chooses to hang with me, even if it's only for a little bit. Anyways, he shaved the underside of his hair and dyed the top, and he looked so cute I asked if he'd be in a picture with me for my blog, since the most recent stuff I have is from the end of '07. I won't post someone's pic on here unless I have their permission, although I will write about anyone I want to write about (especially if they fuck with me or piss me off!). But, there you have it. An extremely recent pic, which of course doesn't look as good as the ones Greggie takes and crops and fixes in PhotoShop (he is an amateur photographer and damn proud of it- hooray for Greggie!) but hell, it's real right? Damn straight.

I don't have too much to say since last night. They upped my dose at the clinic without even telling me, much less asking me! I went up from 50mg to 60mg, although most people increase in increments of 5, pregant patients (like me) jump 10mg at a time. I just went to sign the dose sheet and see that it says 60 instead of 50, so I asked about it. The nurse told me that my counselor "S" had increased me yesterday after I left (thanks for letting me know, S) and that she wasn't here today and would I like to talk to someone else about it. I was like fuck it, if they upped me they must have a good reason- right? It's not like I went in there bitching. I know Greggie will read this and bitch... but that's nothing new. We bitch at one another constantly, and we still get along great. I think if you can't argue with someone, you don't care about them no matter what else you do. Because I won't argue with someone I don't care about- they can't really say anything that will make me passionate enough to start a debate. "You're a junkie!" "You need to quit smoking for the baby!" "You're a waste of skin and life!" "Dirty disease-ridden whore!" If it comes out the mouth of someone I don't care about, they can continue with the insults until their face turns blue. The only exception- if it's someone I have to deal with on a daily basis (ex: a co-worker, someone who I'm staying in the same house with, a neighbor) then I will take shots back. But that's only to prove I'm not a human punching bag, ya know?

I am down to half a pack of smokes per day. Used to smoke 2-3 packs a day, sometimes more. I also save the points from the Newport packs so I can cash the little cardboard buggers in for "Newport pleasure goods". I have about 600 of them so far (half of what I need) although most of the points aren't off packs I smoked. Most of them are found on the ground (wet or dry, I don't care, I can let them bitches dry) or given to me by other Newport smokers. In fact, any time I see anyone with a pack of 'ports I ask for the points, although I only rip off the UPC and maybe the "Ne" so their pack doesn't fall apart and the cigs don't get stale. Micheal says he will help me out with them- he smokes 3 packs of 'ports a day and promises to save me the empties. It's like when I lived at Holiday House (a motel in downtown L-Dub)- I asked one of my 'port-smoking neighbors to leave her empty packs in front of my door and she smoked a shitload so I'd come home every day to find between 2 and 5 empties of Newport Lights. Seriously- why bother with lights if you're lighting up 5 packs a fucking DAY?!? But me- I bought a carton on Sunday and just opened the fourth pack today. Seriously- tommorrow will be a straight week with 6 packs unopened. Not bad for a junkie, huh?

My ob-gyn appointment is on Wednesday- it will be my first with this new dr who I've been transferred to because I am "high risk" (I guess it's not hard to figure out why). I've gained almost 10 pounds since getting pregnant in late December/early January- crazy no? I went from a buck thirty to a buck forty. I'm not really showing yet (my stomach looks like I had a big lunch, not like I'm pregnant) but my tits are a whole cup size bigger and growing. Not that I'm complaining or anything. The pregnancy books all say I can't have sushi- that sucks! Sushi is one of my favorite gosh damn foods, especially the sashimi which is just the raw fish slabs without the rice underneath it (aka bait). I swear those stupid books are nothing but long lists of things you're not supposed to do. Well, it'll be over at some point- of course then I'll have a kid, and life will be much crazier, and there will be a different (but similar) list of taboo activities. Fun is fun, but what's done is done.

I love you all. More pics coming soon... hopefully.

okay fuckers, here's some pics

Okay fuckers, here's some pics... let's see if this works. The first one is me and Kitty, this cat I had for a while. The other one is me and my ex-roommate Joe, who my long-time readers will remember passed away late last year. I don't know how this format will look, but another thing I don't know is how to fix it. Well, as long as they show up, right? By the way- all pics, these and any after these, are all taken by GREGGIE!!! Thanks baby! Check your damn email, my mom's computer was down when I woke up from yesterday's nap, that's why I didn't email back OR update (ya notice that, either?). Whatever. I'm sure you'll get over it soon. Just kidding- love ya baby!!

More pics are coming, as well as more recent pics, so be patient. I just had to prove I wasn't as hideous as that dude I've never met claimed I was. I never claimed to be gorgeous either- all I said is that I'm prettier than any other girl on Dixie (well, maybe with one exception) but that doesn't matter no more cause I'm not on Dixie anymore!

2 months clean bitches! Whoooo! I am on methadone, at the local clinic (West Palm Beach Treatment Center). I'm on 50mg, which doesn't block dope- or so I've heard since I haven't tested the theory. Should I add "yet" there, or would that be jinxing myself? I been busy swimming, taking the gay Palm Tran bus over to the clinic and back (far), watching Oz on DVD (God, what a good fucking show- shameless plug, I know. The most unrealistic shit I've ever seen, but I suppose if it was realistic all we'd see is the prisoners eating lunch, farting, playing cards, and sleeping and it would be boring as hell. Sucks it went off the air.), going to Wal-Mart more than any person should, talking to Greggie, and visiting my ex (Micheal) at his workplace. No time to do hits, ya know? I suppose it's a good thing. Right????

Completely clean, too. I haven't even smoked weed for like, a week. I don't blame anyone for thinking I'm lying here- I don't believe me at this point...

nothing but a child who can't use my brain

Corrections from last time:

The house Micheal robbed was indeed his mom's house, and it wasn't for as much money as I said. I did know the house, and we BOTH showed poor judgement [read: were fuckin' idiots] in staying in Royal Palm the day of the "incident". I kinda made it out like I had no idea what was going on, which was wrong. Also, I didn't get left with the dope, he got caught with it- that part I got wrong on accident though. It was another time, by myself, that I was seconds away from a possession charge/losing my drugs and shoved up up my "cavernous" snatch, and I got the 2 incidents confused. Sorry Micheal if I pissed off you or your mom. Why is she still reading my blog? Nothing exciting going on at Publix lately? I replied to your email, so if you're reading- check it. Remember, that shit happened over 2 years ago and I've been doing drugs for those 2 years. Forgive a shitty memory added to my "creative liberties" [read: lies].

Okay, now forget the past- here's whats going on now... I know there's at least a couple people who care (fans and haters alike) because my blog counter is less than 2 weeks old and ALREADY PAST 500 HITS, NIGGA!!!!!! Thanks, fans! Thanks, haters! Thanks, people who check it over and over for updates when I don't log on for a week (I know you exist)! I'm lovin' my new blog counter.

Okay, so I was living with Greg and "she who cannot be named" (lets call her Jane to make it easier on my fingers) for a week and a half, and it was awesome at first. Seriously awesome. I get along great with Greggie, and Jane and I got along decent. Then, something went down with her which I can't publish because I promised Greg that I would only write about things that happened to me, and that particular incident is "none of my business" and posting it online would be "an invasion of privacy". Okay, fine. But something happened, and after that Jane kinda turned into a hateful ugly-hearted bitch.

She starts out taking little shots at me- I don't know anything about life, I'm just a child while she is the all-knowing adult (who apparently doesn't know how to deal with other people at her advanced age), I'm a dirty whore, I don't know how to load a dishwasher, I can't use my brain, etc etc etc. Out of respect for Greg and only Greg, I took it at first. I'd respond with "okay" and go outside or into the camper or just anywhere that she wasn't at that present moment. After all, I was living in her house. But I was also Greggie's guest, not hers, and respect is earned- not given freely. I don't believe in that whole "respect your elders" pile of shit. That's saying that someone can act like a total vile bitch and I have to respect them simply because they were born before me and managed to survive this long? C-R-A-P! You give respect, you (generally) get respect back. She started out respecting me, and I reciprocated. She started disrespecting me, and at first I took it. But I guess she took this as a sign that I was her little punching bag- hah! I'm good with my tongue in more ways than one.

After about 5 or 6 little jabs, I started responding. I know what buttons to push too. She actually got pissed because her and Greg's new tenant was hitting on me. Like it's my fault no one with eyes or ears would ever want to touch her. My favorite was when her cat got outside (he isn't supposed to go out). You see, what had happened was I was trying desperately to avoid Jane by hanging out in the camper until my omelet was almost ready, then scurrying in the house long enough to butter my toast and put the omelet on the same plate. I asked Greg if I could eat outside (on the back porch, where a table is) and he said ok. I just didn't want to be in the same house with her because I knew she'd start something. While juggling my plate and my drink and going out back, her cat ran out into the (fenced-in) back porch. So she comes outside and says "what did you do to my cat, bitch?"

Well, let's break it down: you can't hold onto your husband, you can't hold onto your job (oops!), so wouldn't it make sense that your cat is trying to get away from you too? Haha! Then there was tons of screaming and yelling (Jane and Greg AND me, I won't exempt myself from that cause I like to tell [mostly] true stories) and Greg told her that I was leaving the next day (that was yesterday (Sat), and I left this afternoon, which was planned) and was it impossible for her to not be a bitch for 2 days. Apparently it was, cause after more screaming and yelling (by this point I was screaming and yelling outside by myself) she left and didn't come back, supposedly she came back tonight but I don't know (and don't care) one way or the other- plus that's definitely not my business. That was fun, though. Just the facts, ma'am.

If you are reading this "Jane": I didn't use your real name, I didn't publish all the shots you took at me, and I even told you straight out: "Keep talking, this is all going on the internet." Your response, if I remember correctly, was "ooh, I'm so scared" so I took that to mean you don't care one way or another. So here's something else to fuel your hate- not that you need it. You have enough hate for 5 angry people already, and just a little fyi: that is NOT how "adult life" works, what with bitching and spewing hate until everyone is forced to leaves th room. Okay, I'll admit it, now I'm just getting vindictive and immature. Guess I've "sunk down to her level." But, if you remember, I'm nothing but a child who can't use my brain? What would you expect from someone like me? ; ) Oh yes- feel free to respond and spew hate right back. I won't delete a single word, I promise!

Onto happier stuff. I got my special pregnant-woman emergency Medicaid and seen an ob-gyn who let me listen to the baby's heartbeat with some kind of belly-rubbin' machine (I think it's called a Doppler?) and told me that I'm 14 weeks pregnant and everything is ok for now. I am (obviously) considered a high-risk pregnancy so I'm being sent to another doc who specializes in those. But I'm off the drugs and am even cutting down on the cigs. I don't drink anymore, either. I'll admit to smoking pot 3 or 4 times since leaving Rob's house, and I took the perc-5s that were prescribed to me after I broke my elbow (which is just recently out of the cast and I'm supposed to be trying to straighten it, which hasn't happened yet) but I had Greg giving them out so I couldn't abuse them. I actually didn't finish them- Greg is still holding on to the rest of them. I'm really trying to do good and my belly is starting to get big.

Greggie was SUPPOSED to put a bunch of pictures on a CD-ROM for me so I could put new ones of me up, but he hasn't. Currently, he says he will email me some good ones to post- but who knows. He's a busy man and I love him for it.

I moved back in with my parents, out in the western part of the county cause they are helping me out for now. I don't know for how long though, but this DOES mean easier internet access since they both have 'puters. Hooray!

Also: me and Greg washed the whole truck and camper, it was fun as hell. I even did up the windows, mirrors, and lights with Windex. It freakin' sparkled, and my arms ached like hell afterwards even my good one. Ok, this has gone on long enough!

$$REPLIES$$

jake : Actually, this one is public record. You already know my full name, and I wrote that it happened some time in October '05. Look it up before calling me a liar. I won't write Micheal's last name because it's not my place to.

anon 1 : There are mountainous people here, that's for damn sure. Couple months ago, I seen a black lady who, if you measured her from head to toe and then longways from ass to titties (which were at about the same level), the second measurement would be longer. Jeeeeez!

neely : Cops don't bother me no more. I stopped breaking the law- imagine that! Well, I stopped breaking the laws that matter. I guess I still don't like wearin' my seatbelt and shit...

taxitalk : Baby is fine. Changing the blog is fun, all I need is new fuckin' PICTURES!!!

anon 2 : Yeah, I think I started the story with the date, let me check... yes I did.

donna : What a kind heart, always thinking of others! Catch up with the story before making judgements, 'kay? That tale was over 2 years old and I stopped shooting up in BK bathrooms (and getting arrested) nearly 2 months ago. And fyi- MichEAL is how his name is spelled on his birth certificate and ID as well as the tattoo on my lower back (yes, I got me a tramp stamp- take your shots everybody). I think it's the European spelling and MichAEL is the American spelling, not sure. But I am sure on that spelling- hell, I dated the guy for years and years. Did you?

libby : I'm way over hating Micheal's mama. That was like, a long time ago. I don't even talk to them anymore- I was just re-tellin' an old story.

victoria's pimp : Yes, his own house. Good memory- I don't even remember writing about that here, but I guess I must have. My first trick is embarrassingly NOT hot. I didn't know what I was doing or how much to ask for, so I ended up with $20 and got dropped off in an area I didn't know (at the time) and couldn't find my friend, who I was supposed to combine my money with so we could have crack AND food. Yeah- I started tricking to pay for my crack- who didn't? I was only a crackhead for 3 months though... it got old quick.

cocaine princess : My haters make this blog the exciting place it is- that's why I don't delete the hate-spewers. I think if I can write whatever I want, so can they. Thanks for caring though.

big ray : If I need dope, I can certainly get it my damn self and yes I give great head, although not necessarily to you.

micheal : Read your email.