also, the crazy ground score!

It's hard to type with a joint in one hand, and it's too small to hold it in my mouth (I don't like smoke in my eyes, especially pot smoke). I'm sittin' here, listenin' to Eminem, smokin' my pot, typin' with one hand, itchin' from my pain pills. Usually painkillers don't make me itch, and with the exception of large doses of methadone or name-brand OxyContin I only get opi-itchies when i shoot up heroin. And the scratch-scratch-scratch is my main tell. I could be walking straight, eating, driving, not nodding out, no one would ever guess I was on dope. But I can't stop the scratching when I do that damn shit. Gives me away every fucking time- even people who don't know me that good will watch me scratch like I have crabs all over my body for about 5 minutes before asking, "dude, Michelle, what the hell are you on?" Not that I'm complaining- dope itchies kick ass.

I bet Rob $20 that I could go out to West Palm today and not get fucked up., He defined "fucked up" as using any drug other than marijuana (and hash counts as pot for sure) or drinking more than 3 beers (or 1 shot of liquor). I guess he figured it'd be easy money because I been getting fucked up non-stop when I go out. Hell, that's the main reason I want to go out! Acid, dilaudid, heroin, coke... I be finding that shit. I came THISCLOSE to copping, I actually walked by "my main d-boy's" house 2 or 3 times. But I didn't call, I didn't knock on the door, nothing.

Also, the crazy ground score! Now, to those unfamiliar with the wild junkie - baser - bag lady - hustler - bum term "ground score", I shall explain it. A ground score is finding something that you need or that is worth money. There are ground score rules though. Like, if someone you don't know drops a $20 bill and doesn't notice he dropped it and walks away- that's a legitimate ground score. But if it's your friend that dropped it, it's not a score, it's just being a theif. Or if you see something you want but it's sitting RIGHT NEXT to someone and it obviously belongs to them, that is also stealing. Ditto for "ground scores" inside people's houses or cars- that's big-time stealing.

Anyways, I was walking around by the d-boy's crib (like I said before) trying to decide if I wanted heroin or not when a bum on a bicycle rolled up next to me and asked me for a cigarette. He was asking me if I smoked rock, if I partied, he knows where to get the best rock, etc etc etc. Just then, I spotted something on the ground. A little bag, enough to hold about a gram and a half of powder of any sort. I always be spotting things like money (I've found Ben Franklin twice in the same month) that's laying around because I walk looking at the ground. It has paid off many a time. So I picked it up and it was about half-full of white powder that looked very much like cocaine. I didn't taste it or test it so it coulda been fake. Now, my first instinct was to stuff that son of a bitch in my pocket and shoot -it up later, if it proved to be real coke. But instead I called the bike-bum over.

me: "dude, look what i just found on the ground."
bike-bum: "wow, lucky! Is that real? What is that?"
me: "could be anything, I told you I just seen it right there in the grass. Looks fucking real to me."
bike-bum: "that's pretty cool"
me: "do you want it?"
bike-bum: "I ain't got no money."
me: "I didn't ask for money, I asked if you wanted it. I don't want it but I can't walk away from a perfectly good ground score."

Of course he took it off my hands. Didn't think I'd hafta twist his arm. It would have been nice to do a big fat juicy bell-ringy coke shot. But fuck that shit- the seizures/overdoses on that shit are scary as hell. If you shoot too much heroin, they can hit you with narcane and it reverses the overdose. Bt there's no narcane for coke shots- if you cross the line, there's no coming back. Scary as hell.

So I didn't buy no drugs. God I wanted to more than anything and I was sick as shit at 4pm (thought I was gonna DIE!) but I didn't. I just took the medicine and smoked more pot and it made me so starving. I ate a pound steak and rice with asparagus and cheese bread and beer. Glory.