Wednesday, December 5, 2007

if you don't count the baseheadiness

For the past few days, I've been staying at a motel in Gainesville, which has been fun. My first night I found a group of bums (self-proclaimed "tramps") and got drunk and high on crack. Lucky lucky me. I only really smoke that shit when I don't have anything else, which certainly applied in this scenario. Whatever. They were pretty cool people, if you don't count the baseheadiness. Hah, new word.

Tuesday would have been a boring day. I was sitting in the room, watching TV and writing in my notebook. [[Important plot point- when I was packing to come up here, I couldn't find my current notebook so I just grabbed a random one that was less than half full. It was a comp book that I had been writing in between April and May when I was a full-fucking-blown super junkie]] I was laying on my back (on the bed) with my knees up to support the notebook, wishing I was high, when something fell on my shoulder. I thought it was a bug, but when I went to look I seen a dime bag of fucking dope.

"Well hot dog..."

I bet you fuckers think I snorted that bitch up right away. Nope! I called Greg and told him that God had sent me a bag of h and that justified my doing it. I didn't even THINK that it had come from the notebook until I recognized it. Hell, it had been a while since [name deleted] had them gold bags so it took me a second. I wasn't thinking, "where did this come from?" What I was thinking was, "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!" I hope that's understandable, in my current situation. Greg told me that having shit makes it easier to stay off it, because the hunt is off. There's no need to go find it, cause it's right there. It just takes real discipline.

Well, I have no discipline... at least not when it involves heroin. Everybody knows that. Jesus!

So I decided to go on a mission to find someone that would sell me needles. I was kinda hoping it'd be harder than it was. I was thinking I'd hafta go all over town, but in reality I walked directly across the street from the motel to a Target, walked up to the pharmacy counter, and dude there sold me rigs no questions asked. The 10-pack was even a buck cheaper than it is in West Palm/Lake Worth. Next, I needed a cooker cause its too ghetto to cold-shoot out of the bottom cap on the needle. If I was gonna do the shit, I was gonna do it right. Usually I cook up in Altoids tins but I wasn't about to use my limited funds in that manner and I couldn't afford a restaurant that had metal spoons I could steal. I hadn't even made it across to the motel side of the street when I seen an empty beer can with the bottom not crushed at all.

People, God really wanted me to shoot this damn bag of dope. I procrastinated it as long as I could, what with eating lunch at Wendys and hanging out for a couple hours at Barnes and Noble. Then I went to hang with the bums on the hill (same bums as yesterday) and didn't even smoke crack this time. I drank beers. Lots and lots of beers, because every professional knows not to mix alcohol and heroin. Then I went back to the motel and went to sleep. I slept better than usual, just knowing I had a wake-up.

Wednesday morning, I couldn't believe I still had that bag. Boosh. I didn't have it 5 minutes after waking up. Brown wall. Then I did the rinse later. That was the fucking relief I'd been craving for the past few weeks. I'm not gonna say it was the first bag I've done since leaving jail, but it was the best. Then I hung out at Barnes and Noble, killing time. Time dies easy when you're high on heroin. Now I'm at the college hanging with Lucas. This is the most time I've spent with Lucas since fucking '01. It's ridiculous but true, so I've surely been enjoying myself. Surely surely.

Well, I'm going home tomorrow!!!!! [Lucas says that's how you spell tomorrow, but I'm not so damn sure.] I'm excited to see Greg and even Rob, the one I called The Jailer Dude. Me and him are on good terms now, I know I know but we are. I'm gonna enjoy this last night with my brother since we prolly won't see one another till Xmas. Why I wrote Xmas instead of Christmas I'll never know.


1 comment:

ian said...

hey ive been checking your blog out for quite sometime now. you are one strong and amazing girl shelley, i am also a dope fiend so i knwo some of the struggles u go through but not all. but things are looking up and things will get better. its hard to know some one over the internet but i feel like your a good friend i kept checkin up on and i send you the best karma
love ya babe. let those veins grow back...get on that wagon....