I don't have too much to say today.
Joe's funeral was better than I expected. His family wasn't sour or indifferent towards me, in fact just the opposite. Seconds after I walked in the "memorial room" his mom approached me and hugged me tight, telling me how glad she was that I showed up. While she was hugging me, she whispered in my ear, "you know he loved you." That was all it took. I started crying like a baby. I told her I didn't think I was gonna cry, she said it was okay, that she had shed her fair share of tears the past few days. I went up to the coffin and said my piece to Joe, nothing I feel like sharing here, real personal stuff just between me and him. I've made my peace with what happened. The autopsy found that it wasn't an overdose, it wasn't the heroin, it wasn't the pills- it was a heart attack. Of course it was probably aggravated by the heroin and the pills, but the cause of death was listed as congenital heart failure. I never expected his relatives to be so cool with me, not in a million years. They were just overjoyed that I cared enough about Joe to figure out a ride ALL the way to fuckin' Boca Raton just to be there for him and for them at the funeral. God, I miss him, he was one-of-a-kind. I'll never find another roommate like that, not another Joe.
Life has been pretty monotonous lately. Wake up, shoot, eat, watch TV, shoot, go to town, shoot, work, jones, cop, shoot, work, shoot, go home, shoot, sleep, repeat. There's nothing really exciting or new to blog about. Just the same ol' shit. I'm out of veins again, that's one thing. I had to skin-pop in the Wal-Mart bathroom today just cause I couldn't find a vein and I was out of time so I just said fuck it and popped. It was 2 bags of that fire shit from [name deleted] so it still got me high. No rush like IVing gives me, but by the time I got my shit cleaned up and I left the bathroom I was floating around with a goofy grin plastered on my face.
My best friend Diamond made us a version of those BFF necklaces, the ones where each one has half a heart on it and one says "best" and the other says "friends". These came out of a dog- and cat-tag machine, they are pink hearts on cheap silver chains and they both have 2 lines on them. She's an alcoholic and I'm a heroin addict, so they both represent our personalities.
I fucking love that necklace. We both promised to never take them off, and I don't see why I ever would. Who cares if it gets rusty? I'm proud of my junkie-ness.
3 weeks ago