"what does it mean to hide the salami?"

This is not a new post, it's just replies. There are 31 comments for August 4th, 11 comments for August 15th, and 4 comments (so far?) for yesterday, which was August 17th. I won't respond to all of them since some comments are simply not worth responding to, but I try to keep a balance of fans and flames (also known as "cheers" and "jeers") because responding only to flames would be unnecessarily defensive (not to mention rude to my friends) while responding only to fans would mean that I can dish it out but I can't take it. Some comments, whether fan or flame, just do not need to be answered. So with that in mind, here ya go guys. See how dedicated I am to all my readers, even the ones who hate me? Keep those donations coming! I can't start working again until I get myself back in shape (I already have a job offer for a LEGAL job at a LEGAL club, hooray!!) so all my cash is coming from donations, the ads on this blog, filling out mindless surveys, and a few other online "scams" that I am running. Every little bit helps! And to those of you who have already sent me money, THANKS BUNCHES!!!!! None of the money placed in my "virtual tip jar" has been spent, I am saving it for the baby, and any more that comes my way will recieve the same treatment. Anyways, here y'all go, a long list of my...

... selected replies!

[with "them" in red!!]

"So glad you liked the gifts girlie, I was hoping you would seeing as how we have similar tastes and all."

You know I got no reason to kiss your ass (and I tend not to kiss ass even when it's in my best interests either), so believe me when I say that I love everything you sent for sure! The pink Chuck T's are my favorites, I like how everything is pink and skulls are surely not "inappropriate for baby clothes" or whatever it is that uptight women say. If my daughter is gonna be a crazy goth chick when she gets older, so be it- I can't change that by how I dress her as an infant. Do you think that's what the " _[insert item]___-is-inappropriate-for-baby-wear" folks are afraid of? That their kid will grow up and wear weird clothes? Hah, people and their crazy ideas. But anyways, a thousand thank-yous for the munchkin gear. My family and friends are throwing me a baby shower on August 30th, if you want you can send me a PayPal donation (I am shameless in my online panhandling, no?) but you've done so much for me already so don't let me pressure you. Thanks for being a friend to me, ya punk-rock "grrl"! That's what the female punks say, right? I wouldn't know, I think punk is just noise <---blasphemy right? :)

"You mean to tell me that as a prospective mother **** seven months pregnant **** that you did not prepare for this special event finacially, get your fat lazy ass out there and get a job like my wife did when she was expecting !"

Greggie you big liar! I knew this little gem was yours right away, and you know full well why I don't have a job. To those of you who don't know: I have been working full-time since I was a young teenager, not always legally but I always earned and never stole or panhandled. But things are different now. I had to stop working when I began to get a little too... well, rotund [convex, protruding, expanded, plus-sized, globe-shaped or just plain HUGE, anyone with a better/funnier term please let me know!] for the job. For the first time in my life, I am on govt assistance (just temporary pregnant-woman Medicaid, it's not like I get welfare checks) and running an "Active Begging Campaign" online as well as in meatspace. I will probably continue the A.B.C. [hehe] for a little while after the baby is born, but not long. Once the Medicaid runs out, I hope to start working somewhere- as I said earlier in this post, I have been offered a real live job when I start lookin' good again. Okay? Okay!

"Holy shit!! Is Lucas the father? That explains everything. Your parents... they're siblings right? Or cousins? And then they had a retarded kid... you... and now you and your brother are going to have a double retarded kid. Sweet Jesus. This explains EVERYTHING."

Double retarded? I love it! Where did you get that term, your medical records? To answer your question, I don't think I've ever been fucked up enough to make sweet love to my 20-year-old brother. Ewwwwwww. But since I answered your question, please answer one of mine: what is it about me that causes so much hatred to flow through you in my direction? I didn't take you up on your offer, is that it? Are you that shallow? Is it that I remind you of one of your inbred, crackhead relatives- your mother, perhaps? This isn't a rhetorical question, I seriously want an answer. It doesn't bother me much, but it does kind of blow my mind that you can dislike me sooooo much even though we have never met and (God willing) never will meet. I'm not a hateful person, I'm actually one of those who finds it damnear impossible to stay pissed off at somebody for more than an hour or so (2-3 hours for *major* offenses), and really hateful angry people confuse me. Your comments don't hurt me, Jake, but they make me feel sad for you and for humanity in general. Will you be a man and answer my question?

Side note: These responses of mine are too long- I will be here fuckin' forever! I will try to be more succinct [eschew surplusage] from here on out. Hell, I got to! The power keeps flickering and I am not starting over!!

"Jake, you are truly a piece of work. I have no idea how you can spew such hatred for someone you don't even know."

I've been wondering the same thing! Let's see if he has enough balls to respond.

"I knew the second I saw those chucks that they were for Jaz. I'm so glad you like 'em, that lil girl deserves to be decked out in style!"

I agree, and very much appreciate it.

"I think that Michelle is just giddy with happiness in her pregancy and about her baby's arrival. She truly looks happy to me. Her old pictures were kind of scowly."

I guess you could call 'em scowly, I thought of my old pics as half-unconcious. :) I feel a hell of a lot happier though- I thought I was happy on dope, and in a lot of ways I was, but I prefer it like this. Methadone + pregnancy has me stable, sober, and feeling good!

"It seems that annoying loser libby is everywhere these days. UGH!"

What did she ever do to you, ya big bully?

"I woulda called but I think ken hates me ever since the 'air conditianer incident' back home ... I gotta see the girl whos gonna birth my "neeice" all my brothers just have sons ... I saw what u wrote on forum, u do have a friend here even tho I still talk to micheal, hes off drugs and it doesnt matter hell Im happy ur clean for baby me n u took a BLOOD OATH we will always b friends or did u forget that day in da swamp??? I no u didnt forget..."

Thanks for not showing up, stupid tweaked-out redneck. You had to work, yeah I bet, by "work" you probably mean finding some hot guy and sucking each other's dicks off instead of going to see your preggo best friend, ya big beautiful meanie!! : ) My dad isn't your biggest fan, that's fo sho, but it doesn't have much to do with the a/c thing (yes, I do know exactly what you are referring to, and it still makes me laugh just thinking about it!!!). He doesn't like you because of, well, everything you stand for. Also he kinda blames you for some of my problems even though I've told him overandoverandover that I chose my own path... I guess he doesn't believe in personal responsibility either. At least he doesn't think our addiction is a "disease" which is a plus, he thinks its a choice but that you influenced me towards it- what can I say to that? We took our first hit together, no "peer pressure." To the other thing, of course you will be Jasmyne's uncle! Lucas will hafta come first, but I know you're not the jealous type ; ) And yes, I remember the blood oath- I still have the fuckin' scar to prove it, although it's lost in my other scars I know which one it is. When's the last time you visited "our sacred swamp" there? Agh, here I go again with the novel-length responses. Elliott, I will call you ok?

"your such an awesome beautiful woman. and you are doing so well by you and your baby. some ppl want to put you down for what you were but how many ppl can come back from the hell that you have been in and be doing so well. lots of love for you and baby jaz."

People can put me down until the world ends, I don't care. Online shit-talking is just like a sparrow's fart in a hurricane- it's barely noticable, it doesn't hurt, and no matter how bad it stinks it fades quick. Thanks for the props though!

"Another comment on opiophile showing Shelly's true colors:"im looking forward to after baby is bornso me and bf can go out one night and get plastered drunk"Honey, you won't have to worry about how much time you have to get drunk and high. You won't have that baby long. DCF doesn't look kindly on kids born addicted to methadone and weed whose mother is a prostitute."

If you had even half a nutsack, you'd respond to opiophile comments on opiophile with your opiophile screen name. But instead you drag my comments here to talk shit anonymously- that shows your true color- yellow. But anyways, I *am* looking forward to going out to TGI Fridays and getting drunk one night after the baby is born. So? Since when is it a crime for a woman of legal drinking age to celebrate the birth of her child by drinking at a restaurant bar with her boyfriend? I've been sober this whole time, why not get drunk ONE NIGHT? That's the main part right there. If you really wanted to make me look bad, you would've taken out the "one night" part. DCF has already been contacted by my doctor, who legally has to report all of his pregnant patients on methadone maintenance, and they are not going to show up unless my postpartum drug screen shows that I've been using illegal drugs. I take methadone legally and correctly at my doctor's advice, so I have nothing to be afraid of. As for the weed, I ran out a lil while ago and I'm not getting any more.

"Libby- At least I sign my fucking name"

Good for you baby!

"I truely believe that Jake is in love with you.. The time he took looking at your pix and shit is borderline stalker!"

I don't know about being in love with me, but it does worry me how much he focuses on me- it's pretty fucking scary, not to mention sad. I hope he finds something in his life more interesting than my fat white ass, although it is flattering to be that important to a total stranger.

"You're not a moron, but your actions suggest otherwise."

That is an awesome quote!! Can I use it against other people? Fuckin' brilliant... thanks for that!

"Hey Gorgeous,Remember these five words, Drugs are not an option. Alert mind, calm body, I am in control ! ! !"

That's a lot more than five words Greggie-bear! : ) I love you a lot, I know drugs aren't an option anymore. I still think about shooting up sometimes and have awful dope dreams where I wake up wiping imaginary blood off my arm, but that's as far as I get. Me and the heroin have parted ways- that means you're my #1 love instead of being #2 like you were when I was bangin' all day long! Well, Jaz might replace you...

"Your passive acceptance of your bf suggestion (the porn movie) shows that your mind is totally under his control. You don’t even worry about your child’s safe. Look at your body language, shows how abused you are."

You know what's funny about that? It wasn't his suggestion- the pregnant porn was all my idea. And he told me no! Imagine that. The child-safety thing is just as ignorant. If I was gonna do video shoots while preg (which I'm not, but if I was I wouldn't be ashamed) how would that be unsafe for the baby? My dr says I can fuck and be fucked for the whole 9 months, basically until the baby is in the way of the dick, so how would porn be different from the regular sex I have with my man? And calling me "abused" is just silly- you can't look at my body language because all you've seen of me are selected photographs. Next time before you type, use your brain- God gave it to you for a reason.

"Shelly for President!!!"

Oh god, I'd be even worse than Obama!

"You sound like you're a Stephen King fan like me, i loved Christine."

Stephen King is my favorite author of all time! The first "grown-up book" I ever read was The Shining which I read cover to cover when I was either 8 or 9 years old. I had to re-read it later, of course, because that is not exactly written for children and I didn't understand lots of it, especially when King has his characters talking back and forth like some adults do when there aren't any kids around. I remember not understanding something in The Shining and going to my dad and saying, "Daddy, what does it mean to hide the salami?" The funny part is, he told me! I guess this is the place for incest jokes, if any of y'all want to make them...

"Why would anyone watch scary movies when they know for a fact that they get night mares from them? That's got to be about the stupidest thing I've ever heard But of course, you can't expect too much from someone like you."

If a horror movie doesn't either give me nightmares (one word btw) or make me cover my eyes and/or turn away from the screen at least once, then it's not a very scary movie and I don't like it. Horror movies provide lots of opportunities for fake scares, like lying in bed thinking about zombies or mirror images that jump out and get you [Bloody Mary Bloody Mary Bloody Mary...!]. I like fake scares because they take my mind off my real fears, mostly centered around the baby and my competence and my relationship with my man. So... yeah. Y'all anons are really reaching for opportunities to call me stupid, huh?

"Hey. I just wanted to tell you something for your security. I followed the link to that pbso site that you said you used to check someone who was locked up ... I searched by first name/partial and did a search for a few years back. Well, you came up along with a few others. I knew it was you because of your photo. It displayed your last name and personal info. I wanted to tell you this, because I have seen you say "Michelle Angelina ******" before, so I assumed you wanted to have your name remain private. Maybe try to be a little more careful, if this bothers you that is, because I would hate for people to find out too much info and some harm to be done to you. I know that for me, anonyminity is one of the greatest advantages of internet journaling and is vital to my best interests. Just looking out for you."

Yeah, I really don't care who knows my info. On opi I don't use my last name, but over here it's been known: Michelle Angelina Moreau, age 23, born July 6 1985 to Ken and Vivian Moreau, a brother named Lucas who goes to UF, living in Palm Beach County Florida. In fact last time I was arrested (in April, for that stupid fuckin' old warrant) I posted a link to my arrest on pbso.org myself. Good lookin' out though.

"It's great how you and Lucas are so close. Everyone needs that one person they can hang with, someone they can rely on and talk to without being judged or looked down upon."

Yeah, I don't know what I'd do without my wonderful baby brother- I'd be lost. I am gonna cry my hormonal eyes out when we have to leave him in Gainesville and drive home... : (

"I got a prescription (or is it subscription? I forget the difference between those words) for Blockbuster Online,STUPID, STUPID, STUPID"

Yeah, I'm retarded, is that the first time I've used the wrong word? I believe it is! Since you're so brilliant, how come you didn't tell me which word was correct? I am pretty sure in that context I should use "subscription," but a you'd think a genius such as yourself would leave that information instead of just a generic insult.

"That sucks that you all got tossed from the Drive-in. I've never been to one in my life, they look fun."

Yes, it sucks majorly, but everybody makes mistakes. If there is a drive-in close to where you live you should try it out, it's tons of fun. The camper made it extra-fun for Greggie and I, but I guess going in a car wouldn't be that bad...

"Hi michelle, this is your friend from 'the north set'.I bet you dont even remember me ... I was tweeked and read the whole blog starting from nov 06 all the way to this journal entry about drivein! ... When did you swich to herion, I always thouht you liked wakeefulness more than the nod ... plaese email me angel michelle shelley whatever you like tobe called now!!!"

I remember you- once you were following me and Vicci to our connect in the northeast set and she stopped for a red light but you had just done a fat shot so you hit the gas instead of the brake and took off Victoria's rear bumper, and she was yelling at you but you were so high you didn't know what she was saying so you just kept saying "okay, that sounds cool, let's just be cool" when she was telling you that you'd be working for free for 2 months to pay off her Mustang! That is the first thing that comes to mind when I hear your name, weird huh? Anyways when I am able to log into my email, I will be in contact. Or I can just call our mutual friend and ask him for your number, but not if you don't want me to have it. He's not the type to give out friend's numbers unless he knows for a fact that it's ok, so tell him if you want him to give me your digits. We gots ourselves some catching up to do. I can't beleive you didn't paint your freakin' walls yet! Weirdo :) :)

Okay, one last thing before I sign off... there is a hurricane coming!! I don't know the name of it (I don't watch the news) but there is a category 1 hurricane and it's supposed to hit the Florida Keys tonight or tommorrow morning. A category 1 is nothing compared to West Palm Beach's famous "Hurricane Season 2004" but you know how tricky and unpredictable those fuckers can be. So if I'm not online in the next few days, it most likely means my power is out. It's been flickering all day so far- the fuckin' sun didn't come out until half an hour ago (it is 1124am) so at 10am when I woke up my brother, he thought it was disgustingly early and got pissy for waking him up "at 6 or whatever ungodly hour you roam the house at." We got off easy in the '06 and '07 seasons- I think we're due! Anyone who prays, say a little prayer for south Florida... especially me and Jaz!