so that my girl can steal lunches safely

Lucas dressed as some Watchmen character for a nerd convention

(no offense little brother)

big smiles with grandma

two seconds after the previous pic

see the cloth diapers?

doesn't like the flash

we gave her a Mad magazine...

...and just look at how much fun she had!

we get tons of catalogs that she can rip up too

lucas and dad got her this shirt in NYC- plus matching socks

Well, my girl got sick. Poor baby Jasmyne. I took her to her pediatrician a couple times, and he sent me to a pediatric gastroenterologist. He wanted a sample of her shit, which was of course tons of fun to get into the little tubes: I put saran wrap on her butt before pinning the diaper shut (yes, I old-school flat cloth diapers with diaper pins) and when she shat, I pulled off the saran wrap and squeezed the shit out into the tubes. Fun, right? Hell, I've done worse. Apparently she's shitting blood and mucus, and after some shit-testing figured out why: Jasmyne has food allergies. It makes sense, since allergies run in the family. I got strange allergies- I can't have ibuprofen, mushrooms, maple syrup, or oysters (although other shellfish treat me right).

What I didn't know about food allergies is that you can't test for them in a baby under 11 months. So the specialist gave me a list of foods that she should avoid until they can do an allergy panel and said that if she's still got the same symptoms in 2 weeks then he will try something else, but he seems pretty confident that it's allergies. Here's the fun part: Jasmyne doesn't eat solids or drink formula, she is *exclusively* breastfed. Therefore, she is reacting to something that I am eating, and this list of no-no food applies to me. Shitburgers. It's called the "breastfeeding elimination diet". Here is the list of food I cannot eat to protect the bubby:

• soy (check food labels, EVERYTHING has soy in it)
• dairy (my favorite foods on this earth are cheese/butter/milk-based)
• eggs (no baked goods or sweets)
• nuts (this wouldn't be so bad, 'cept I really love peanut butter)
• seafood (no more sushi or crab legs)
• whey (that's in some "non dairy" or "dairy-replacement" products)
• lecithin (an additive; always follows the word "soy" so it's redundant
• casein (part of cheese, also redundant)

So not only did I give up my drugs, my job, my money, my independence, my adventures, and (I'll admit it) my good writing ability for this kid, but it's not enough. Now I can't eat any good food either. It is very, very, VERY obnoxious and I have been walking around the house pissing and moaning about how I can't have anything delicious. Also, Jaz can't start solids until about 8 months because of the food allergies. Even the organic brown-rice first-food infant cereal has fucking soy fucking lecithin! What kind of shit is that, organic infant food containing a common allergen? Lame! I'm gonna be one of those bitch moms who wants the entire school to ban peanut products so that my girl can steal lunches safely. Wait... I forgot, I like freedom! I believe that taking care of problems like this is the parent's responsibility, not the schools' and surely NOT other parent's problem. My e-friend's first grade niece got yelled at, humiliated in front of her classmates, and suspended for 3 days for the cardinal offense of... eating peanut butter crackers at lunchtime. That's fucking retar... I mean, mentally disabled. : )

So anyways, I stopped eating anything that tastes good and Jazzy is already getting better (the doc told me 2 weeks for a full improvement) and then some other shit happened to her. I was at [non-specific playplace in which I feel very safe with her and will not jeopardize that by giving out the location to you shitwhores] and she was laying on her belly in the infants section, pushing herself up and down and grinning like a maniac. She is such a happy baby. Then I see this little boy, couldn't be more than 2 years old, running full speed ahead to our left. At the last second, he turned and jumped right where Jasmyne was playing.

I was standing right next to her to keep her from rolling onto the floor, but this kid was so damn FAST that I didn't see what was about to happen until it happened. He kicked her right in the side and she tumbled off the [non-specific shape of playplace climbing item] right on her face. She screamed like... well, like someone had kicked her onto the floor from about two-and-a-half feet up. I scooped her up and the little boy's mama ran over and pulled him aside to yell at him or whatever. I calmed my girly down in about 2 minutes- she was angry and more than a little scared, but she wasn't actually hurt (yes, I got her checked out just to be safe). The other mom made the little boy apologize to both me and Jasmyne, and then she apologized too and asked if my girly was ok. I know that little kids exist that will hurt a baby on purpose, but one look at his face (especially his sad brown eyes) told me that he wasn't one of them. He was torn up over the fact that he hurt the baby, plus he was only two years old. What a little sweetheart.

The next day, I found out once and for all that poor Jazzy just canNOT catch a fucking break. She has a fungal infection all over her diaper area, which apparently is from all the watery bloody mucous-y shitting she's been doing before the doc gave me the no-no list, and needs a prescription diaper cream to get rid of it. My poor little baby girl. She is so happy though, even through all this nonsense, she barely ever cries and has such a gorgeous full-face smile.

There is my update- y'all fuckers happy now? I am down to 15mg of methadone per day, which is awesome since I went up to 100mg/day at my highest point. See y'all bitches later.