I'd take another month of his screaming asshole friends

I was gonna post about lots of things, but one by one I forgot what they were. Go figure, right? But now it's 4:38am and I don't feel like making this long, since I have a long car ride ahead of me and I want as much new music on my ipod as possible so I don't get bored. So while Shareaza is my first priority, this must be updated because I am leaving for Gainesville today and when I get back I want to talk about me trip. Lucas is going back to school (UF) and my mama is driving him, and she asked if I wanted to go with for the trip. Basically we are just dropping him off at his apartment (he's living off campus this semester, his first apartment which means no one will be "looking out" or coming in once a week to clean his bathroom and empty the trash) and then me and moms are going to a motel for the night and maybe we will do something else, I will write about it upon my return. I am gonna miss my little bro soooo fucking much! I'd take another month of his screaming asshole friends if it meant he got to stay here another month... : (

Anyways I stopped smoking pot which I guess is good. Greggie is helping keep me in check with that cause there's no hiding shit from him. He always knows what I'm trying to hide, which can get on my nerves but it can actually be a good thing. I figure after the munchkin is born, I can decide what I want to do then although maybe being "weedless" is better. Guess I'll find out.

The "hurricane" turned out to be nothing, although a tornado touched down in the suburb where I live (not that far from me actually). It took down a bunch of horse barns (there are tons of equestrians and polo players in my parents suburb), when I saw the damage I was sad because I thought that the horses might have gotten killed or hurt. Turns out that no horses were harmed, hooray! What I saw during the storm was buckets of rain for half a day. Driving to the methadone clinic sure was crazy though- I thought the wind was gonna flop the car right over. Everyone was driving 30mph, with their blinkers/brights on, and in the left lane. Any car who attempted the right or even center lane ended up driving through retardedly large puddles- also getting "stuck" behind the 3 or 4 cars that I saw stalled out in the middle of a road-lake over there. They must've flooded their undercarriages, hah! But I have shown my superior driving skills if I can make it through that- fuck not having a "permission slip," I am one of the safest drivers I know!

On the forum I hang out at, someone spewed a bunch of hate at me... started a whole thread about it. Have these people not figured out that that type of shit doesn't bother me? In fact I like the attention- yeah I'm a total attention whore, so is anyone with a "tell-all" blog, who cares. The funniest thing about that forum is that if any given member dislikes any other member, they will actually give a psychiatric diagnosis- because after all, reading lies that people post is the best way to figure out their medical problems. My "diagnosis" was borderline personality disorder, which I thought was great. If you want to see what was written (it is pretty funny) go here:
http://forum.opiophile.org/showthread.php?t=18288
I don't know if it will work because it's on a "private" part of the forum actually. If non-members could let me know if that link works, cause it obviously works for me but I am a member. One thing about this guy- at least he posted his flame with a username instead of anonymously over here. I guess that shows he has at least one testicle right?

Send more money!

"what does it mean to hide the salami?"

This is not a new post, it's just replies. There are 31 comments for August 4th, 11 comments for August 15th, and 4 comments (so far?) for yesterday, which was August 17th. I won't respond to all of them since some comments are simply not worth responding to, but I try to keep a balance of fans and flames (also known as "cheers" and "jeers") because responding only to flames would be unnecessarily defensive (not to mention rude to my friends) while responding only to fans would mean that I can dish it out but I can't take it. Some comments, whether fan or flame, just do not need to be answered. So with that in mind, here ya go guys. See how dedicated I am to all my readers, even the ones who hate me? Keep those donations coming! I can't start working again until I get myself back in shape (I already have a job offer for a LEGAL job at a LEGAL club, hooray!!) so all my cash is coming from donations, the ads on this blog, filling out mindless surveys, and a few other online "scams" that I am running. Every little bit helps! And to those of you who have already sent me money, THANKS BUNCHES!!!!! None of the money placed in my "virtual tip jar" has been spent, I am saving it for the baby, and any more that comes my way will recieve the same treatment. Anyways, here y'all go, a long list of my...

... selected replies!

[with "them" in red!!]

"So glad you liked the gifts girlie, I was hoping you would seeing as how we have similar tastes and all."

You know I got no reason to kiss your ass (and I tend not to kiss ass even when it's in my best interests either), so believe me when I say that I love everything you sent for sure! The pink Chuck T's are my favorites, I like how everything is pink and skulls are surely not "inappropriate for baby clothes" or whatever it is that uptight women say. If my daughter is gonna be a crazy goth chick when she gets older, so be it- I can't change that by how I dress her as an infant. Do you think that's what the " _[insert item]___-is-inappropriate-for-baby-wear" folks are afraid of? That their kid will grow up and wear weird clothes? Hah, people and their crazy ideas. But anyways, a thousand thank-yous for the munchkin gear. My family and friends are throwing me a baby shower on August 30th, if you want you can send me a PayPal donation (I am shameless in my online panhandling, no?) but you've done so much for me already so don't let me pressure you. Thanks for being a friend to me, ya punk-rock "grrl"! That's what the female punks say, right? I wouldn't know, I think punk is just noise <---blasphemy right? :)

"You mean to tell me that as a prospective mother **** seven months pregnant **** that you did not prepare for this special event finacially, get your fat lazy ass out there and get a job like my wife did when she was expecting !"

Greggie you big liar! I knew this little gem was yours right away, and you know full well why I don't have a job. To those of you who don't know: I have been working full-time since I was a young teenager, not always legally but I always earned and never stole or panhandled. But things are different now. I had to stop working when I began to get a little too... well, rotund [convex, protruding, expanded, plus-sized, globe-shaped or just plain HUGE, anyone with a better/funnier term please let me know!] for the job. For the first time in my life, I am on govt assistance (just temporary pregnant-woman Medicaid, it's not like I get welfare checks) and running an "Active Begging Campaign" online as well as in meatspace. I will probably continue the A.B.C. [hehe] for a little while after the baby is born, but not long. Once the Medicaid runs out, I hope to start working somewhere- as I said earlier in this post, I have been offered a real live job when I start lookin' good again. Okay? Okay!

"Holy shit!! Is Lucas the father? That explains everything. Your parents... they're siblings right? Or cousins? And then they had a retarded kid... you... and now you and your brother are going to have a double retarded kid. Sweet Jesus. This explains EVERYTHING."

Double retarded? I love it! Where did you get that term, your medical records? To answer your question, I don't think I've ever been fucked up enough to make sweet love to my 20-year-old brother. Ewwwwwww. But since I answered your question, please answer one of mine: what is it about me that causes so much hatred to flow through you in my direction? I didn't take you up on your offer, is that it? Are you that shallow? Is it that I remind you of one of your inbred, crackhead relatives- your mother, perhaps? This isn't a rhetorical question, I seriously want an answer. It doesn't bother me much, but it does kind of blow my mind that you can dislike me sooooo much even though we have never met and (God willing) never will meet. I'm not a hateful person, I'm actually one of those who finds it damnear impossible to stay pissed off at somebody for more than an hour or so (2-3 hours for *major* offenses), and really hateful angry people confuse me. Your comments don't hurt me, Jake, but they make me feel sad for you and for humanity in general. Will you be a man and answer my question?

Side note: These responses of mine are too long- I will be here fuckin' forever! I will try to be more succinct [eschew surplusage] from here on out. Hell, I got to! The power keeps flickering and I am not starting over!!

"Jake, you are truly a piece of work. I have no idea how you can spew such hatred for someone you don't even know."

I've been wondering the same thing! Let's see if he has enough balls to respond.

"I knew the second I saw those chucks that they were for Jaz. I'm so glad you like 'em, that lil girl deserves to be decked out in style!"

I agree, and very much appreciate it.

"I think that Michelle is just giddy with happiness in her pregancy and about her baby's arrival. She truly looks happy to me. Her old pictures were kind of scowly."

I guess you could call 'em scowly, I thought of my old pics as half-unconcious. :) I feel a hell of a lot happier though- I thought I was happy on dope, and in a lot of ways I was, but I prefer it like this. Methadone + pregnancy has me stable, sober, and feeling good!

"It seems that annoying loser libby is everywhere these days. UGH!"

What did she ever do to you, ya big bully?

"I woulda called but I think ken hates me ever since the 'air conditianer incident' back home ... I gotta see the girl whos gonna birth my "neeice" all my brothers just have sons ... I saw what u wrote on forum, u do have a friend here even tho I still talk to micheal, hes off drugs and it doesnt matter hell Im happy ur clean for baby me n u took a BLOOD OATH we will always b friends or did u forget that day in da swamp??? I no u didnt forget..."

Thanks for not showing up, stupid tweaked-out redneck. You had to work, yeah I bet, by "work" you probably mean finding some hot guy and sucking each other's dicks off instead of going to see your preggo best friend, ya big beautiful meanie!! : ) My dad isn't your biggest fan, that's fo sho, but it doesn't have much to do with the a/c thing (yes, I do know exactly what you are referring to, and it still makes me laugh just thinking about it!!!). He doesn't like you because of, well, everything you stand for. Also he kinda blames you for some of my problems even though I've told him overandoverandover that I chose my own path... I guess he doesn't believe in personal responsibility either. At least he doesn't think our addiction is a "disease" which is a plus, he thinks its a choice but that you influenced me towards it- what can I say to that? We took our first hit together, no "peer pressure." To the other thing, of course you will be Jasmyne's uncle! Lucas will hafta come first, but I know you're not the jealous type ; ) And yes, I remember the blood oath- I still have the fuckin' scar to prove it, although it's lost in my other scars I know which one it is. When's the last time you visited "our sacred swamp" there? Agh, here I go again with the novel-length responses. Elliott, I will call you ok?

"your such an awesome beautiful woman. and you are doing so well by you and your baby. some ppl want to put you down for what you were but how many ppl can come back from the hell that you have been in and be doing so well. lots of love for you and baby jaz."

People can put me down until the world ends, I don't care. Online shit-talking is just like a sparrow's fart in a hurricane- it's barely noticable, it doesn't hurt, and no matter how bad it stinks it fades quick. Thanks for the props though!

"Another comment on opiophile showing Shelly's true colors:"im looking forward to after baby is bornso me and bf can go out one night and get plastered drunk"Honey, you won't have to worry about how much time you have to get drunk and high. You won't have that baby long. DCF doesn't look kindly on kids born addicted to methadone and weed whose mother is a prostitute."

If you had even half a nutsack, you'd respond to opiophile comments on opiophile with your opiophile screen name. But instead you drag my comments here to talk shit anonymously- that shows your true color- yellow. But anyways, I *am* looking forward to going out to TGI Fridays and getting drunk one night after the baby is born. So? Since when is it a crime for a woman of legal drinking age to celebrate the birth of her child by drinking at a restaurant bar with her boyfriend? I've been sober this whole time, why not get drunk ONE NIGHT? That's the main part right there. If you really wanted to make me look bad, you would've taken out the "one night" part. DCF has already been contacted by my doctor, who legally has to report all of his pregnant patients on methadone maintenance, and they are not going to show up unless my postpartum drug screen shows that I've been using illegal drugs. I take methadone legally and correctly at my doctor's advice, so I have nothing to be afraid of. As for the weed, I ran out a lil while ago and I'm not getting any more.

"Libby- At least I sign my fucking name"

Good for you baby!

"I truely believe that Jake is in love with you.. The time he took looking at your pix and shit is borderline stalker!"

I don't know about being in love with me, but it does worry me how much he focuses on me- it's pretty fucking scary, not to mention sad. I hope he finds something in his life more interesting than my fat white ass, although it is flattering to be that important to a total stranger.

"You're not a moron, but your actions suggest otherwise."

That is an awesome quote!! Can I use it against other people? Fuckin' brilliant... thanks for that!

"Hey Gorgeous,Remember these five words, Drugs are not an option. Alert mind, calm body, I am in control ! ! !"

That's a lot more than five words Greggie-bear! : ) I love you a lot, I know drugs aren't an option anymore. I still think about shooting up sometimes and have awful dope dreams where I wake up wiping imaginary blood off my arm, but that's as far as I get. Me and the heroin have parted ways- that means you're my #1 love instead of being #2 like you were when I was bangin' all day long! Well, Jaz might replace you...

"Your passive acceptance of your bf suggestion (the porn movie) shows that your mind is totally under his control. You don’t even worry about your child’s safe. Look at your body language, shows how abused you are."

You know what's funny about that? It wasn't his suggestion- the pregnant porn was all my idea. And he told me no! Imagine that. The child-safety thing is just as ignorant. If I was gonna do video shoots while preg (which I'm not, but if I was I wouldn't be ashamed) how would that be unsafe for the baby? My dr says I can fuck and be fucked for the whole 9 months, basically until the baby is in the way of the dick, so how would porn be different from the regular sex I have with my man? And calling me "abused" is just silly- you can't look at my body language because all you've seen of me are selected photographs. Next time before you type, use your brain- God gave it to you for a reason.

"Shelly for President!!!"

Oh god, I'd be even worse than Obama!

"You sound like you're a Stephen King fan like me, i loved Christine."

Stephen King is my favorite author of all time! The first "grown-up book" I ever read was The Shining which I read cover to cover when I was either 8 or 9 years old. I had to re-read it later, of course, because that is not exactly written for children and I didn't understand lots of it, especially when King has his characters talking back and forth like some adults do when there aren't any kids around. I remember not understanding something in The Shining and going to my dad and saying, "Daddy, what does it mean to hide the salami?" The funny part is, he told me! I guess this is the place for incest jokes, if any of y'all want to make them...

"Why would anyone watch scary movies when they know for a fact that they get night mares from them? That's got to be about the stupidest thing I've ever heard But of course, you can't expect too much from someone like you."

If a horror movie doesn't either give me nightmares (one word btw) or make me cover my eyes and/or turn away from the screen at least once, then it's not a very scary movie and I don't like it. Horror movies provide lots of opportunities for fake scares, like lying in bed thinking about zombies or mirror images that jump out and get you [Bloody Mary Bloody Mary Bloody Mary...!]. I like fake scares because they take my mind off my real fears, mostly centered around the baby and my competence and my relationship with my man. So... yeah. Y'all anons are really reaching for opportunities to call me stupid, huh?

"Hey. I just wanted to tell you something for your security. I followed the link to that pbso site that you said you used to check someone who was locked up ... I searched by first name/partial and did a search for a few years back. Well, you came up along with a few others. I knew it was you because of your photo. It displayed your last name and personal info. I wanted to tell you this, because I have seen you say "Michelle Angelina ******" before, so I assumed you wanted to have your name remain private. Maybe try to be a little more careful, if this bothers you that is, because I would hate for people to find out too much info and some harm to be done to you. I know that for me, anonyminity is one of the greatest advantages of internet journaling and is vital to my best interests. Just looking out for you."

Yeah, I really don't care who knows my info. On opi I don't use my last name, but over here it's been known: Michelle Angelina Moreau, age 23, born July 6 1985 to Ken and Vivian Moreau, a brother named Lucas who goes to UF, living in Palm Beach County Florida. In fact last time I was arrested (in April, for that stupid fuckin' old warrant) I posted a link to my arrest on pbso.org myself. Good lookin' out though.

"It's great how you and Lucas are so close. Everyone needs that one person they can hang with, someone they can rely on and talk to without being judged or looked down upon."

Yeah, I don't know what I'd do without my wonderful baby brother- I'd be lost. I am gonna cry my hormonal eyes out when we have to leave him in Gainesville and drive home... : (

"I got a prescription (or is it subscription? I forget the difference between those words) for Blockbuster Online,STUPID, STUPID, STUPID"

Yeah, I'm retarded, is that the first time I've used the wrong word? I believe it is! Since you're so brilliant, how come you didn't tell me which word was correct? I am pretty sure in that context I should use "subscription," but a you'd think a genius such as yourself would leave that information instead of just a generic insult.

"That sucks that you all got tossed from the Drive-in. I've never been to one in my life, they look fun."

Yes, it sucks majorly, but everybody makes mistakes. If there is a drive-in close to where you live you should try it out, it's tons of fun. The camper made it extra-fun for Greggie and I, but I guess going in a car wouldn't be that bad...

"Hi michelle, this is your friend from 'the north set'.I bet you dont even remember me ... I was tweeked and read the whole blog starting from nov 06 all the way to this journal entry about drivein! ... When did you swich to herion, I always thouht you liked wakeefulness more than the nod ... plaese email me angel michelle shelley whatever you like tobe called now!!!"

I remember you- once you were following me and Vicci to our connect in the northeast set and she stopped for a red light but you had just done a fat shot so you hit the gas instead of the brake and took off Victoria's rear bumper, and she was yelling at you but you were so high you didn't know what she was saying so you just kept saying "okay, that sounds cool, let's just be cool" when she was telling you that you'd be working for free for 2 months to pay off her Mustang! That is the first thing that comes to mind when I hear your name, weird huh? Anyways when I am able to log into my email, I will be in contact. Or I can just call our mutual friend and ask him for your number, but not if you don't want me to have it. He's not the type to give out friend's numbers unless he knows for a fact that it's ok, so tell him if you want him to give me your digits. We gots ourselves some catching up to do. I can't beleive you didn't paint your freakin' walls yet! Weirdo :) :)

Okay, one last thing before I sign off... there is a hurricane coming!! I don't know the name of it (I don't watch the news) but there is a category 1 hurricane and it's supposed to hit the Florida Keys tonight or tommorrow morning. A category 1 is nothing compared to West Palm Beach's famous "Hurricane Season 2004" but you know how tricky and unpredictable those fuckers can be. So if I'm not online in the next few days, it most likely means my power is out. It's been flickering all day so far- the fuckin' sun didn't come out until half an hour ago (it is 1124am) so at 10am when I woke up my brother, he thought it was disgustingly early and got pissy for waking him up "at 6 or whatever ungodly hour you roam the house at." We got off easy in the '06 and '07 seasons- I think we're due! Anyone who prays, say a little prayer for south Florida... especially me and Jaz!

I'm sure Greg will correct me on the comments

So, Greggie got us kicked out of the drive-in. Nice, huh? To be fair, I got us kicked out of someplace about a year and a half ago- Walmarts. But there are bunches of Walmarts in the area, and only one fuckin' drive-in movie theater! If you ask him, he did exactly what any reasonable person would have done under the circumstances. I will tell the story, you be the judge, and if I left anything out then I'm sure Greg will correct me on the comments.

Okay, so we get to the drive-in about 5 minutes before the movie starts (Tropic of Thunder) and we were both kinda sad because Mirrors wasn't playing. I don't know why he was upset, I practically had to beg him to agree to see it with me! But whatever. The drive-in is first come first serve and we arrived right as the previews were starting, so we got a shitty parking spot. We usually park in front of the dumpster because of the 9-foot-tall camper, but we ended up SLIGHTLY behind the dumpster behind 2 trucks that we could easily see over. Greg parked, and yeah we were kinda far back but we could see good so we were ok- or so I thought. I was wrong, apparently we weren't okay, apparently we had a huge problem that we had to scream about. How could I be so dumb? <---sarcasm

The huge problem was that one of the trucks parked in front of us had his engine on and the exhaust pipe was going. Greg went up to him and asked if he planned on having his truck on the whole time, the guy said hells yeah I need to run my a/c, that's why I parked way the hell back here, I was here first. That is not against the rules for the drive-in, in fact there really aren't any rules at the drive-in that I know of. You can drink, get high, walk around, yell, let your kids run around and yell and throw shit, rev your engine, have sex, bring a 3-course meal, whatever the fuck you want to do. Greg started going on about how that was wrong, how I couldn't be breathing exhaust fumes while 8 months pregnant, how he's gonna go get somebody to yell at that guy and make him turn off his engine.

So Greggie runs over to the first theater employee he sees (these poor fucks probably make minumum wage) and immediately starts yelling. I don't hear what he is saying, but I do hear the other guy saying, "calm down, dude, calm down!" At that point I knew we were kicked out for good, so I started crying. The damn drive-in is my favorite place to hang out with Greg because the camper is PERFECT for watching and it's cheaper and free-er than other theaters and it keeps me updated on the new good movies and I really didn't want to get kicked out over stupid exhaust fumes! (Also, I am a total crybaby since getting knocked up.) Greg starts really screaming at the guy, so the owner (Tony) comes over. We were really cool with Tony, he even lent us his radio one time to see Dark Knight cause we forgot ours. Mostly because we were there every weekend without ever causing a lick of trouble. But now he's pissed because Greg is screaming and cursing. He was leaving (thanks for asking if I wanted to stay, Greggie) but not without a refund.

There was a big ol' sign out in front where you pay, it says No Refunds in big letters, and I reminded of Greg that right before Tony came over. Didn't make a difference- he started hollering at Tony also about a refund. Tony was being obnoxious and disrespectful too, shining his fucking flashlight in Greg's eyes as well as mine, and finally Greg says, "I'm fucking leaving, I wouldn't come back here if you payed me, keep your fucking 12 dollars you greedy shit, I won't be back."

And that's how Greg got us kicked out of the drive-in. Goddamn was I pissed off! I was ready to go home, let him run his mouth at somebody else for the night. But Greggie had been working hard so I hadn't seen him in sooo long, plus I had just bought him $35 worth of groceries (right before he got us kicked out, nice way to say thanks isn't it?) that I wanted to eat some of, plus I don't tend to stay pissed at people very long- I am easily distracted by food, pot, sodas, funny jokes, money, and good-looking guys. He had grown a beard in the week or so that we hadn't seen each other, and those sad blue eyes floating over that rugged beard with him asking me to please come in the house... well shit, I came in the house. The longer I know him, the more I love him. The more I love him, the hotter he looks to me. The hotter he looks to me, the more obnoxiously asinine shit he gets away with! My wonderful, crazy asshole man... ;)

So, we went to Blockbuster instead and rented some piece of crap action movie called Doomsday plus the movie One Missed Call which is the picture at the top of this post. Aren't those mouth-eyes creepy??? I ended up watching that yesterday with my mama and Lucas' friend Travis and then last night every time I woke up I seen the mouth-eye lady from the movie standing in front of the fridge or the doorway to my room or somewhere. I think if a horror movie doesn't make me cover my eyes at least once or give me any nightmares, it's a gay movie and it didn't do what it was supposed to do.

Okay, before I sign out, there's this thing I seen on other blogs where you type your name into Google followed by the word 'needs' (in my case "michelle needs" or "shelley needs") and then post the first 10 things that come up. So I did that, why the hell not right? I did Michelle and Shelley because both came up with interesting things, and skipped the boring ones like "Michelle needs your help" or "Michelle needs money." Those are no fun... and the rest of them are in order as I found 'em!

1) Michelle needs 2 pee <-- constantly

2) Michelle needs to exercise her right to shut the fuck up

3) Michelle needs to go poop <-- does anyone else see a pattern here?

4) Michelle needs to take an extended break from golf

5) Michelle needs to check out to rescue her sanity <-- true, true

6) Michelle needs a family that will be patient

7) Michelle needs someone to talk to <-- my blog takes care of that

8) Michelle needs work on the inside

9) Michelle needs to learn to be more careful with her voodoo <-- fuckin' awesome!!

10) Michelle needs to work harder <-- harder, and faster, and longer :)

1) Shelley needs her own blog <-- damn skippy!

2) Shelley needs your vote <-- who was it that said Shelley for president?

3) Shelley needs to listen to the gathering roar

4) Shelley needs donations and rescue <--empty your pockets, friends

5) Shelley needs to start planning for 2008

6) Shelley needs to STOP referring to herself in the third person <-- surely

7) Shelley needs to be included

8) Shelley needs a new roommate <--- just a couple more weeks and I will!

9) Shelley needs little introduction

10) Shelley needs no last name <-- sweet, just like Madonna and Cher!

dead guys on the brain

It is 4am, and I've been awake for an hour. I had a scary dream and it woke me up, and of course I had to go to the bathroom (I think my bladder is the size of a quarter by now) and then I started thinking of tons of other scary things, mostly from movies and books. Like people getting cut in half at the beginning of Ghost Ship, or the dead guy driving the car in Christine ("that wasn't Arnie driving that car! It was a dead man!"), or the bathtub lady from The Shining, or the kid's reflection staying where it is while the kid ran away on the commercial for Mirrors. That last one is pretty pathetic- I haven't even seen that fucking movie yet and already it's giving me nightmares. I was planning on forcing Greggie to watch it with me tonight at the drive-in, maybe I shouldn't, if the stupid ad scares me. Then again, everything is scary at 3am. There are much scarier things than these ghosts and zombies from fiction stories. For example, my court date on August 27th.

Movies movies movies, that's been my life lately. Greg has been working ALLLLL week- yes, I am very happy that he's working, but I do get bored and lonely. So I watch movies, which are excellent time killers. I got a prescription (or is it subscription? I forget the difference between those words) for Blockbuster Online, and so far have recieved Dreamcatcher and 10,000 BC (the hero is sooooo good-looking, great fuckin flick) and exchanged them both in-store for Matilda (a kiddie movie, I know) and The Ruins. That one, really sucked, I didn't even finish watching it. Something about a haunted vine that gets into people's bodies, or something like that. The vine looks like a hybrid of marijuana and poison ivy and it moves around and people are dying. I went back into my room after dinner last night to watch the rest of it and then thought to myself, "do I really care what happens to this stupid vine, or these stupid people?" The answer, of course, was hells no. Mirrors, that's the next one I want to see. It looks so goddamn terrifying! Actually forget Mirrors- you know what I really want to watch? Tropic of Thunder, with Robert Downey Jr playing a black guy. Hah at first instead of typing "black guy" I typed "dead guy", guess I have dead guys on the brain. Maybe it would help if I could turn on some lights, but my brother's little friends are sleeping all over the house and I'm sick of being an asshole to these kids. Yeah they annoy the fuckingniggashit outta me, but oh well. Lucas will be going back to college in just a couple weeks, and then I won't have to deal with the little faggots anymore.

You think I'd be happy about that, but I'm so not. I won't miss the melvins, that's fer damn sure. But I've kinda come to rely on Lucas being here, I love having my favorite person in the world so close by, and he's going alllll the way to Gainesville and I won't get to see him again until probably Thanksgiving... I'm gonna cry when he leaves, seriously I am. I already cry about everything else these past few months, what's one more sobfest? One good thing- I get to ride up with him and our mama to Gainesville, to say goodbye. After he goes to class that Monday, me and mama are going tubing down some central Florida river. I'm excited about that trip, hell it'll do me good to get out of the house.

If you think I'm responding to 30 comments, y'all are crazy. I wrote a story about a sea monster, I'm trying to see if I can get paid off it and if not, I shall post it here.

tips for maintaining such an awesome blog

^^this is the fattest I've ever been, ever^^

This will be short- although every time I say that, it ends up being kinda long. It's because I start to rant and rave about some stupidity and it never ends. All I can do is try.


First off, I need to give *mad props* to my girl Melody for sending me baby clothes in the mail. She is one generous chick and I got love for her. My favorite so far is the little pink booties with skull and crossbones on it... fucking excellent. When the kiddo is born I shall post pictures of her in the cute stuff she sent. Melody girl, thanks for being my friend. Warm fuzzies in your direction, and I will help you out any way I can, whether now or in the future, because you have helped me lots. Shout out!! :)

There have been others asking if they could send me stuff, only a few on here but many more through email and IM and the different forums I hang out at. I would love to be able to accept such gifts, but alas I have no PO box and can't just be giving my address out randomly to folks on the internet. I'm not scared to get a letter bomb or anything (I can pick them out by the smell, hah) but as y'all know I am having a baby soon and can't be letting the universe know where I live. I might get a PO box or "virtual address" at some point, but at the moment it is a luxury I can't afford.

That is not to say I don't want people to help me out. Far from it! I set up a "verified" PayPal account and am more than willing to accept donations. You can see it as virtual panhandling, or helping a bitch out in her time of need, or maybe as tips for maintaining such an awesome blog for nearly 2 years now. Of course there are those of you who won't be able to resist leaving comments that read kinda like "I would never send you money even if I was a millionaire, you'll just stick it in your arm, blah blah blah you suck". But that is a risk I am willing to take :) Anyone who is willing and able, please click on the "donate" button on the right side of the screen. It lets you tip me through PayPal or with a credit card. Thanks in advance to anyone who hooks me up in this very helpful way! I am having one hell of a time coming up with cash lately...

I LOVE MY FRIENDS AND MY HATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***** selected replies *****

"You never fail at making my laugh at how completely stupid and self centered you are ... I'm seriously thinking about starting a pool as to when your child gets taken away from you."
I'm glad I can make you laugh, but you make me yawn and roll my eyes. I'm stupid, I'm scum, I don't deserve to be a mom, DCF is gonna grab my kid the minute his feet leave my snatch, blah blah blah. Don't you have anything new to talk about? And I used to think you were one of the more creative flamers... I have been wrong before though.

"I ASSUME COME SEPT. THE SOUTH PARK KIDS WILL BE GOING OFF TO SCHOOL ? LIFE WILL BE A LITTLE LESS NOISEY ?"
See, that's the worst part! Yes they will be leaving in September, but then baby Jaz will be born! So I'll never get any fucking peace and quiet! The timing is all screwed up.

"Hey, I would like to send you and baby Jaz something."
Click the "donate" button please! It would be very much appreciated, and if I get a PO box I will let you know right away.

"I am also in "Sofla" as you call it, acshuley (spelling!?) in lake Worth near 8thSouth and Fedreal Hway do u no where Bel Air apartments r!? That is where I stay, and I am very fassinated by the "dixie girlz" and why or how they do there jobs every day nite!! The only 1 I no is Peyer-angela however u spell that, do u no her!? She lives in the same area southeast side LakeWorth and works on DIxie!? "
Yeah I know where BelAir apts are- I lived in Scandia, and Lake Worth Motel (aka Dragon Motel), and Carolina apts, and Lisa II apts. South side L-Dub was my part of town for a very long time, so if you lived in BelAir apts and were "fascinated" by the Dixie trick-sies, you have definitely seen me. My pics are posted- *have* you seen me? I rode around in the camper truck (which I of course won't describe online, but if you lived there you must've seen the camper truck at least once or twice). Of course I look different [read: fatter] than I did back when I stayed out there. As for Pierangela (that's how you spell her name, btw) hells yes I know her! I hooked her up tons of times, and last time I was locked up in county we were bunkies. I met one of my dope connects through her and everything. :)

"If she wants to perform for money, just like the rest of the population does to earn a living, and nobody is getting hurt, and all involved are in agreement ( all people leave with a smile on there face ). This is not a crime in my eyes."
Aaaaaaaaaa-men -------!! [name not printed to protect anonymity] ;)

"I just wanted to let you know that I have been EXACTlY were you are right now (preg on done) and you are doing the RIGHT thing no body will take ur baby not that it's even a concern! ... Also I'd like to get something for you and munchkin, u have a wish list somewhere??"
I appreciate the support. I'm not scared of anyone taking the baby. I quit smoking pot and everything... well it's been bout 3 days now, but you gotta start somewhere. My dr specifically told me to stay on the methadone, so as you said it's not even a concern. As for the wish list thing, I gots the donation box for now. If you want to help, that's the best way to do it!

"I just see this posted in a comment, did you really said that?Yes she did. On opiophile."
Between ^this^ and Jake's same old commentary, I am experiencing some severe deja-vu. I thought I had been over this. If I say something HERE you don't like, then by all means yell at me HERE. If I say something on OPIOPHILE that you don't like, yell at me on OPIOPHILE. Don't be dragging shit back and forth, it's cowardly. If you had balls, you'd speak your mind on the forum in front of the other members instead of anonymously on the blog.

"your alot nicer than me, i would have thrown their shit in the street by now."
If I threw it in the street, they could easily go get it. I threw it in a dumpster a couple cities away, which got emptied that same morning. I did warn them!

I'll go out there and be the best rasist I can be

I don't know what to do about my brother's friends. I was outside this morning crying on the phone to Greggie because I am so frustrated and no one listens to a word I fucking say on this issue. My parents are no help, as he is the favorite kid (although there is no question that he earned his status as the favorite and I sho nuff earned my status as the fuck-up) and they are loath to correct him on anything. But I will get reamed out for the same things that his friends do with no consequences- and they don't even live here.

Every day and night, they are here- my brother Lucas's friends. The wankers, the melvins, those loud little pricks, the invaders. And as much as I love Lucas (and I do!!), I seriously hate his friends. I don't hate them as individuals, I just hate everything they do. They devour my food and sodas and then leave the wrappers/empties laying around on the counter or the floor. Occasionally they leave full containers out of the fridge overnight, such as milk and cheese that I payed for. One idiot (who I call "the screamy one" because he has no concept of talking at a normal volume) left the fridge wide open. I called him out, and he apologized and returned to the fridge to get out a gallon of milk, the Hershey's syrup, and a cup. He shut the fridge that second time, I'll at least give him that. But the milk and the syrup stayed on the counter alongside his empty milk cup. Lazy little shit...

It's not just food and empties that they leave all over the house. Magic the Gathering/World of Warcraft cards, video games, dice, assorted Dungeons + Dragons paraphernalia, books, cellphones, and *cords* litter the floors, couches, chairs, tables, and pathways. I've tried everything to get them to pick up after themselves- asked nicely, asked my parents to tell them, piling all the crap (including spoiled food, dishes, and dirty drawers) on my little bro's pillow, kicking their stuff into corners, threatening violence, hiding anything I trip over, and lately threatening to throw their stuff away if my foot hits it. There has been absolutely NO improvement, and my parents don't seem to care one way or another. "It's between you and Lucas," they say. So I took matters into my own hands.

Last night, there were Playstation and Wii cords allllll over the floor, pretty much spread out taut in places where folks walk. I told Lucas and his boys that if I tripped over a cord because some little asswipe was too occupied with his warlock casting spells or whatever to wrap it up and put it away, it was going in the garbage. I guess they figured it was an empty threat, because I woke up early this morning to go pee and guess what? I tripped over a fucking controller cord- actually 2 Playstation (or maybe X-box?) controller cords wrapped together- and banged into the wall, hurting my knee. Those little fuckers (who at that point were sprawled all over the floor and couches after turning the blasted thermostat way up because they were too lazy to find a damn blanket). So I unplugged both controllers from the game system, wrapped 'em up, and put those SOBs in my purse. I threw them away in a dumpster in Lake Clarke Shores. Hell- I warned the little shits, didn't I? Cords all over the ground are a safety issue, and I'm 32 weeks pregnant so if I trip over their crap and fall, it could jeopardize the health of my kid. Me and my little Jaz are more important than his stupid video game controllers. According to Greg, the dumpster I tossed 'em in has already been emptied. Good.

The worst part of all this is that I am forced to take the "disciplinarian" role, which I fucking despise. I've NEVER played the party pooper, and the last thing I want is for my little brother to think and/or say, "Oh great, Michelle's home- fun's over, guys!" I love Lucas to death and I don't want him resenting me. But it's gotten out of hand!! My parents have a pretty strong double standard going for us. I play music quietly at the computer, our folks shut me down. Lucas & Co play music loudly over by the TV (5 feet away from the 'puter, if that matters), no one says a word. More than once I've been woken up at 3am after falling asleep on the sofa and told to go to my bed because "you have your own room and you can't sleep here." Lucas has spent consecutive nights on the couch (along with his boys, who according to my folks need to be gone by midnight- not that they enforce any rules they make for the star of the family).

Why isn't he in his room? Because his bed isn't made- seriously. Why isn't his bed made? Because he asked me to wash his sheets for him, and I did, and I put them in the dryer and when they finished drying I piled his sheets and pillowcases on his bed and then told him that his sheets were clean and dry and waiting for him on the bed. That was 3 days ago, and his sheets are still in the same pile in the same corner. Lazy little turd. I don't mind helping him out, but it's not that hard to make his bed- it's 2 sheets, 2 pillows, and blanket- and yet he seems to be incapable. Jesus wept.

In addition to kids all over the couch, one asshole (the screamy one again, I think his name is Matt) was sprawled on the floor. Directly in the only path to the bedrooms and the bathroom. I've really had enough of these little fucks, but I don't know what to do about it! My parents don't enforce any rules they make, they don't listen to me, they have no respect and no attention span, they leave messes, they make too much noise, they hog the computer and TV at the same time, and refuse to leave even when Lucas isn't home. Let's see if having to replace their oh-so-precious video game controllers gets their attention...

SeLeCtEd rEpLiEzZ:

"Hey, had some stuff shipped to you today, hope you like it. XOXO Melody"

Thanks so much baby! Me and the soon-to-be munchkin sho nuff appreciate your generosity :)

"I think that if you told your N.A. meeting that you were on methadone they would be much more understanding that you're trying to portray. Do you think you're the first heroin addict thats walked through the door? Please. I've attended NA off and on for a long time while on suboxone maintenance, and they were fine with it. There were plenty of others at the meetings that were on methadone or suboxone and again, there was no judgement. So it's not your thing... no reason to be so negative towards a method of getting clean that has helped countless people."

I did say that I was on MMT (methadone maintenance treatment, for those who are unfamiliar) at the meeting, and I heard from many that "being on methadone doesn't count as clean time." Of course I'm not the only heroin addict there- I'm probably not the only person being told off there either. NA is like many other organizations in the fact that they are not judgemental- as long as you agree with everything they believe. They state opinions as facts, and I'm not down with that. Addiction as a disease? That hasn't been proven, so although there is a lot of evidence for BOTH sides, it is still nothing but an OPINION or perhaps an educated guess. You say there's "no reason to be negative towards a method of getting clean that has helped countless people"? I can be negative about anything I want- that's one of the great things about having my own blog. And you, of course, are free to disagree with me. The NAzis are quite negative against MMT, which has also given many people their lives back. I say that it doesn't matter WHAT your crutch is (and NA is just as much of a crutch as MMT), what matters is that the day ends and you haven't put needles in your skin or a crackpipe between your lips. Right?? Damn straight! But I do have to give you mad props! You straight-up disagree with what I say, and yet you didn't attack my character and call me a retarded whore (or whatever). Instead you wrote your opinion. That is awesome!! Controversy makes the world go 'round.

"it's always been my understanding that the owner of this blog supports free speech if not encourages it, even when people don't agree with her."

You're goddamn right on that note!

"OF CORSE WHITE TRASH LIKE U WOULD HAVE STUPID SHIT LIKE THIS ON YR SITE WHAT DO U KNOW ABOUT BEING A SLAVE STUPID RASIST BITCH??????"

I've never been called a "rasist" before- I'll just take it as a compliment. So thanks, I'll go out there and be the best rasist I can be! And I know just as much about being a slave as you do- sounds about right? I know a lot about what is funny though, and that slavery thing was funny!

"I am a racist , I know another rasist when i see one , she isnt a racist . She isnt even a wannabe racist , nor poser skinhead . She even strikes me a someone who has shared her money/food/drugs with mixed blood people !"

Yeah, I've hooked "mixed blood people" up all the time. When I worked the streets, I even dated Mexicans and other hispanics! Whooooo!

"I think that ihatethosewhodance needs to remember that there is not one race that has not been subject to slavery at one time or another. "

You know what's funny about that? The picture I put up isn't even about black slavery, it's a picture of the pyramids of Egypt so technically if it's racist (or is it rasist??) then it's against JEWS, not blacks. Yep, all races have been slaves- damn straight. But no American in 2008 can talk about slavery as if they know something. Cause none of us know shit!