Tuesday, February 12, 2008

fronts will be the death of me

5 days off heroin.

Listening to Lil Wayne, I think I like everything he's ever done, he's got an awesome voice.

I'm only drinking and smoking too much pot because I'm trying to get through the kick. I'm barely getting through. To all the geniuses who are telling me how bad booze is for pregnant bitches, look up how bad cold-turkey heroin kicks are. Kay? Lay the fuck up off a bitch. Quitting dope when I know I can get some whenever the fuck I want is hard. The big problem? I got dealers that will front. Fronts will be the death of me, especially with cocaine, but with dope it's hard too. Shit, when I call and say I have no money, it sure is nice to hear, "I got you" but it's bad in the fucking long run. Whatever. I'm sick as fuck y'all, so I'm out.

...hours later...

Okay, so I did some heroin. I got a phone call for a little scratch, and the wheels in my head started to spin. I did the date and asked him to drop me off at Winn Dixie so I could buy some needles, then I was gonna call the d-boy and get him to give me a ride home by offering an extra five bucks. No such fucking luck! My date was in a hurry, so he dropped me back where I'm staying and I immediately called dope boy #1, "Jose" [not a real name] since he lives right around where I'm currently staying. He was at work, and it was too early to call anyone else (10am) but I called anyways. Dope boy #2, "Lexus" was not answering, most likely cause it was early as fuck and I think he smokes crack. I called dope boy #3 ("Producer") not expecting him to answer, but he did and agreed to deliver. I went out, gave him my money, and proceeded to lose the shit on the walk back. Glory. Now I'm even sicker than before because I had the shit in my hand and now I have none, and I'm running up and down the street looking at the ground like a crackhead. Did I find it? Of course I found it. I'm a junkie. If I hadn't found it, I'd still be out there, re-tracing my steps. No fucking lie.

So, no needles, but I'm sick as fuck and couldn't care less. Up the nose it went, a bag in each nostril. It tasted like shit, I remember why I hate snorting, its so fucking disgusting, I'd rather jam metal through skin and tissue any day. But I was very happy to be snorting heroin rather than not having heroin at all, yes yes. I haven't sniffed any dope in years, and I forgot how slow it kicks in, and you don't get a rush off it, but snort 2 bags and wait 5 minutes and you get HIGH. Maybe cause I was like 5 days off, I got a feeling if I had a needle I would've overdosed. Lucky me.

One of my dealers keeps calling over and over to tell me that he doesn't have anything right now, he's waiting on his guy. He knows I have no ride, he knows I already hooked up, he knows I have no money, he knows it's raining and I can't get out. Yet, he keeps calling, "I'm still waiting on my guy, I guess I'll call you later." Ummm... yeah. Someone's hitting the fucking pipe mighty hard.

[[an edit to the above paragraph- he just called me back and apparently plans on driving over here and fronting me dope and a needle, although I asked for no such thing. You see what I mean about fronts will be the death of me? I wish my dealers didn't like me... wait... that's a big fat lie.]]

$$ Replies $$

$ derrick $- Nope, can't go to Miami. Trying fruitlessly to quit getting high, hell I'm closer than I was before. Enjoy yourself though. Take your sister, I know for a fact she wants to go.

$ anony 1 $- Yes, I know, I know.

$ anony 2 $- You know the best part? I can do whatever the hell I want and there's nothing you can do about it, ANONYMOUS.

$ wolf! wolff! $- see above

$ dee goldie $- see above

$ mike $- Yeah, I know, I know. See above.

$ anony 3 $- Hey, it's someone who understands that I can do whatever the hell I want and there's nothing anyone on here can do about it! Hooray for you, anonymous #3! Thanks for the props anyways. I don't understand what makes people that don't like my subject material read me EVERY TIME I UPDATE and leave mean comments. You'd think if my life sickened them that much, they'd stay the fuck up out of it. But, everyone's a bully on the internet. Not me. I'm a bitch, but I can't be a bully. You gotta really care to be a bully, and I don't really care.

$ jin $- If I can stay clean, I'm having the kid. If I can't stay clean, I'm getting an abortion. Yeah, whatever.

$ dee goldie $- Damn straight I deserve public answers! Stand up and use that First Amendment right! Freedom of speech, motherfuckers!

$ taxitalk $-Depends upon my limitations.

$ jerome $- Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

Shit, so you are preggo huh.. well at least you are trying to do the right thing, but, an I know what I am talking about on this one.. you can't quit for anyone but you. I know plenty o'bitches who kicked while preg, just to go back after the baby comes. Anyways... hang in there girl.. I am actually gonna be down in your end of the coast next week, 4 days in Disney and 4 in good ol Lauderhill with the blue hairs.. hahaha!
Boston Joe

Jake said...

"To all the geniuses who are telling me how bad booze is for pregnant bitches, look up how bad cold-turkey heroin kicks are."

Awesome. Already you're putting your personal well being above that of your (maybe fake)child.

Forget getting an abortion. For the love of god, just kill yourself. It doesn't matter how, just make sure it's soon and it's permanant.

Anonymous said...

Abortion is against what I believe in, but in this case I think God would understand. Please consider an abortion.

artie blackmon said...

hey r u really clean? is that y u stoped callin me? i miss u shel. com see me whenever pleaze

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Anonymous said...

What about Greg?

Is he helping you?

jin said...

"$ jin $- If I can stay clean, I'm having the kid. If I can't stay clean, I'm getting an abortion. Yeah, whatever."

makes perfect sense so you don't have to whatever me ;) seriously: i wish you all the best and hope you find the strength you need to get through this.

jin said...

and fyi; i have been clean for more than 2 years but i'd be using or probably dead if people fronted me like they do you.

BE CAREFUL. it doesn't mean they care about you (not that you think it does) - it means they don't give a fuck.

Anonymous said...

Forget getting an abortion. For the love of god, just kill yourself. It doesn't matter how, just make sure it's soon and it's permanant.

I totally agree. Shelly, you are a disgusting person. Drugs are no excuse for what you are.

Anonymous said...

"anony 1 $- Yes, I know, I know" I know you might know --but-- you really should get some medical advice. Maybe you can research drugs & pregnancy either at the library or online? I think the medical evidence might suggest some surprising things about what is safer when looked at in descending order during pregnancy. It's up to you to find out. And totally up to you whether or not to have an abortion. No one can make that decision for you. If abortion is something you're considering then you really need to find out how far along your are in your pregnancy & up to when FL or AL or wherever you would go allows for termination. You definitely don't want to live like you are going to terminate & then find out you can't b/c it's too late. If you are trying to have the baby...first things first...try to stay as drug free as possible for the baby...you can worry about an eternity of being clean later. Just trying to be realistic here. I am sure you know those fronting dealers are just trying to keep you hooked? If you are serious about keeping the baby, then you might need to move on.

Anonymous said...

You are trash. This is probably just another lie.

jin said...

sorry to commentstalk you and cross-platform you too.

not being able to quit smoking weed is totally understandable.

i have quit:
- eating meat
- smoking cigarettes
- an eightball a day coke habit

but CAN NOT stop smoking weed.

sometimes a drug just GETS YOU - like how you wish a guy would.

and imho if it's something as benign as weed then you are golden.

do you manage your vices? i allow myself 2 at a time (besides the 3 years i was mia because of coke).

right now it's weed and bubbly. but i'm vaporizing the weed - TRY IT! it's guilt-free >8)

Anonymous said...

Do you really think anyone believes your front that your life is wonderful and fun because you can get dope whenever you want even if you don't have money? The life of a full-time junkie is miserable. Living for a shot is not living. The best thing that ever happned to me was my dealer who always had the best stuff, delivered 24/7, and threw in some "free" stuff every now and then got busted. In the 9 months he got locked up I got on mmt, finished my degree, got a job, started to detox, and got a life.

Anonymous said...

i'd like to thank you for making me feel great about myself...i use to feel like a failure sometimes because i had a $100+/day oxy habit (no pins though)that i thought i couldn't kick and at 24 i'm still a year away from my BA in Biology/pre-med and i worked a shitty job making $10/hr while in school.

i thought i was a weak piece of shit because i needed suboxone to kick 240mg/day oxy and could never CT from more than 60mg of hydro.

i never fucked anyone over for drugs, i never commited theft for drugs, i never did anything i regret to obtain drugs. yet i felt like a weak willed failure of a person.

i guess sometime things are not as bad as they seem

Anonymous said...

actually, i'd consider myself blessed now

no criminal record/ no mental ilness/ no addictions/ no health problems/ no kids/

Anonymous said...

something inside me wants to believe that this is a clever work of fiction, i don't want to believe people act like this, do these things and live like this

Anonymous said...

You are a sad waste of a life.

Anonymous said...

Fuckin-A, these comments are GREAT.


Libby

<--- has the balls to sign my name

Anonymous said...

FUCK OFF LIBBY, you are so annoying. Glad you get great joy reading these shitty comments and this shitty blog. Thinking these are great...my goodness get a fucking clue.

And whoever anony is that this blog makes them feel better about themselves. Maybe you can do some more shitty things, just as long as it's not as bad as what Shelley does.

heatherrreloise said...

i just started reading your
blog, i found a link for it
on Taxi Talk's blog.

I say you should get an abortion if you cannot stay clean.
I have never done drugs before or dealt with the decision of keeping a baby or not keeping a baby, but I figure that if you do not want to really quit using then you won't quit and a baby should not grow up in that kind of situation.

I am not really for abortions but it sounds like the smartest idea.

Will continue to read.
Best Wishes,

Heather

Anonymous said...

I've never once said anything bad about michelle... but it's so obvious that this new "pregnancy" story is a fake. Just like the last one.

As soon as all the comments slowed down on here the first time, she makes this post on Opiophile about the person who "follows her everywhere", even though she's openly claimed multiple times that she's loving all the attention.

That's why she made the post about "the guy who follows her everywhere". The attention was starting to wane... and she wanted it back.

She's also encouraged the "back and forth" comments on here. Since they have stopped for the most part, she's got to come up with something new to get people up in arms about... and you're all giving her just what she wants.

You've fallen for the most ridiculous story in history for the SECOND TIME, by a person who has clearly stated in numerous entries, that she rarely even gets a period as it is.

-jessica

Anonymous said...

At least come up with a new lie.

Anonymous said...

Let's not forget about the first time around when she posted she was pregnant on Opiophile, yet had blogged on this journal less than two weeks before, about getting her menstral cycle. Nope, that doesn't sound made up at all..

Oh, and let's also not forget about her fake "child". You know... her kid that took the "swan dive" while Shelley was filling up her crack pipe? The one that her OWN BROTHER admitted right here on this journal, was completely made up.

Who can blame her though? If people will continue to believe her fabrications and still show sympathy for her invisible children, why should she stop?

p.s. - Some of you are complete tards.

Anonymous said...

Michelle and her “drama”, sounds more like a boring soap opera.
I am surprised that she didn’t come up with a MYSTERY MURDER yet.

Wait a minute....

Maybe she will be kidnapped again, and the pimp will save her

I guess, the pimp got tired of her crap too. Like everyone else.
But don’t forget her very intelligent statement:….

“You know the best part? I can do whatever the hell I want and there's nothing you can do about it”

And I will sign my name!!!

Mary

or New York Tom

or Lully maybe...

Ok. The real one

Kerry

Anonymous said...

You are a fucking grammar idiot:

And whoever anony is that this blog makes them feel better about themselves. Maybe you can do some more shitty things, just as long as it's not as bad as what Shelley does.


Kiss my ass bitch, or mother fucker, whichever you are.


LIBBY- and fuck you if you don't like it

Anonymous said...

That didn't seem like I signed it because I was so pissed off.

Libby

Anonymous said...

HA!! Actually, there was a "murder" or some such thing hinted to a few months back...

Ofcourse, this is in between the invisible children who take "swan dives", or who exist one day and don't the next, dissapearing and reappearing to suit Michelle's blog needs.

Michelle = "Hey everyone... I'm pregnant. Again. This week."

Everyone else = "Huh?"

Michelle = "Yeah, I know I'm getting high. And that's MY business. Discuss away. Pleeeeese discuss me. Please?"

Everyone else = "So, how's that pregnancy going?"

Michelle = "Pregnancy? I didn't say I was pregnant."

"I said I was BREGNANT. It's a totally different thing, see? It comes and goes...."

"Also, here's my son. I know he's invisible and all... it's because I let him take a 'swan dive', which made him dissapear. No one can actually see him, but me...."

Everyone else = "Huh?"

Anonymous said...

One thing I was wondering if you had a kid before that almost died before how come you never meantion him now what happend to him? Also if your are careless enough to let you son fall of a counter no matter what you were doing your probaly not going to do any better with this kid.

k1tten said...

Yo, I need you. I need to come stay, like I said before but this summer, May I'm coming to visit you. Like it or not!

k1tten said...

Preggo? SHIT! There goes all our fun!