Sunday, October 12, 2008

my birth story, or, oh sweet Jesus it hurt




This won't be long- I only got until the munchkin starts to cry and then I gotta go scoop her up. I call her 'baby bear' or 'bear cub' or sometimes just 'bear' although I'm not sure why. It's just that the first time I looked at her, I thought, "she's a little bear!" I also call her cuddlemonkey, wiggleworm or squirm-worm, barracuda (when she's being rough on my titty while eating), munchkin or little munch, little J, teddy, Jazzy-bear, and little nugget... probably other names too. My dad says she will never learn her own name, hah.

Anyways my birth story- 'twas quite painful. Got induced Thursday night with oxytocin but it wasn't doing shit so they took me off the drip and stuck something called cervadil into my twat. Started having BAD contractions around 2am and was given epidural, since I am a pussy when it comes to physical pain. Once that was working, I passed out and was awakened at about 9am with superbad contractions and an urge to push. My doc was called, then I was told to push which H-U-R-T!!!!!!!!!!! Oh sweet Jesus it hurt. I kept saying "no, I can't do it, I can't fucking do it, just stop and cut me open, cut my stomach open and pull that kid out, I can't fucking push any goddamn more!" Yep, I was whining like a little bitch- screaming too. Dr told me that if I pushed her head a little bit out he could pull her the rest of the way but I couldn't do it. Greg yelled at me to push and I punched him in the stomach. I pushed as hard as I could (screaming at the top of my lungs at the same time) and felt something warm and slippery come out... then something heavy and wet was thrown on my stomach. I look down and see a small, bloody, naked human being wiggling around on my belly and say my first words to my daughter...

..."no fucking way!"

I know, not exactly the right way to welcome a baby into the world, but I was so shocked. Yeah, of course I knew that labor would lead to an infant, no shit, but I wasn't ready for it. I can't really explain what I mean here without sounding stupid like "der, I didn't realize that 9 months of pregnancy would result in a baby, derrr" but whatever. Then I was in so much goddamn pain that I didn't even want to look at her, much less hold her. Greg (who was there the whole time and was AWESOME to me!!!!!!!) was holding her after the nurses had cleaned her up and put a diaper, the way he was looking at her made me very happy- still does, actually. : ) I didn't have any episiotomy or tears or stitches, but it still hurt like a mofo and I was bleeding a LOT and my stomach/abdomen was killing me and my legs both had charley-horses and I was shaking all over... basically I was not a happy camper.

The nurses then gave me my 90mg of methadone, plus some kind of narcotic painkiller (I didn't ask what it was). The combination got me pretty high, I think it's because I had been sharing my dose with the little munch the whole time and now all 90mg were going to me and to me alone, plus the other dope whatever it was. I started to feel better, at least until I got up to go pee which burned like gonorrhea (well I've never had gonorrhea but I do have an imagination). It was about 30 minutes after I was given the dose that I was able to finally hold the baby. I was fucking amazed at her, but I wasn't overwhelmed by love- she was a total stranger, just a really tiny helpless-looking one. I had expected her to be ugly since I was told that all newborns are ugly, but she was actually pretty. I figured that she was just pretty to me since she was my kid, but others have said the same thing so I guess she was a good-looking newborn. Later I saw other kids that were 1 day old or less and they were mostly weird-looking so I felt special.

Okay the kid is crying so I will continue this later... to be continued!

12 comments:

Melody said...

That is such a good pic of you and Jaz, you both look adoreable.

Cocaine Princess said...

Michelle,
You punching Greg, the first words to your daughter. What a story to pass down to your grandchildren to their grandchildren!

Your little munchkin is beautiful. Give her a kiss from me.

Stay healthy and happy.

XOXO,
CP

Elisa said...

Hi Michelle,
You and Jasmyne are looking great (youlook so relax and confident with her in your arms).
She is so pretty.
Good for you, you made it!

P.S.: That's a beautifull counter top in the back!!!!!!

Tuesday said...

WOW! That is amazing. (I have no kids, but I did used to work the pediatric unit @ St. Anthony's) I am so happy for you, and also, proud. You have come along way Michelle. Take Care! And congrats.
Love T

Anonymous said...

She is so pretty!!!!! Congrats!!!!!
Paula

lilygirl said...

Yeah I love that pic of you and Jaz, you guys look so cute, and I love the second one, her feet look huge..:)I think that she is just a cute newborn..I would tell you if I thought she looked funny..Glad to hear you didn't have too bad of a labor...Mine sucked sooo bad...Anything that could of happend did...I was in labor for 20hours and I pushed for 4 hours straight, they gave me an episiotomy, used the suction thing, and tried pulling her out, then they realized her head was face down, so it was like she was stuck..So then after 4 hours of pushing, and episiotomy, suction, and some ladys hands up my vag they say oh well were just going to give you a c-section! I was like couldn't we have done that in THE FIRST PLACE!!! It sucked for me healing wise to cause I had to heal from regular birth(even though she didn't actually come out I did everyhting else)the episiotomy, and the c-section...Thast so wierd that they gave you your full dose after you had her up here they cut your dose waaay down after the baby..Anyways sorry for the book, enjoy your little one..Give her a kiss for me..<3

Anonymous said...

MICHELLE LIVES IN WELLINGTON MICHELLE LIVES IN WELLINGTON MICHELLE LIVES IN WELLINGTON MICHELLE LIVES IN WELLINGTON her kid was born at wellington regional she lives near primrose park HOW DO I NO THIS HOW DO I NO????

Anonymous said...

"MICHELLE LIVES IN WELLINGTON MICHELLE LIVES IN WELLINGTON MICHELLE LIVES IN WELLINGTON MICHELLE LIVES IN WELLINGTON her kid was born at wellington regional she lives near primrose park HOW DO I NO THIS HOW DO I NO????"

Ummm, I think you meant 'know', stalker. I'm just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

Hey Gorgeous

Yes Michelle punched me right in the stamach with her right hand and used profound profanity(words I never heard her say befor). But, you all would have been so proud of her, she is on my list as the highest achiever.

This was the most beautiful event I have ever experienced in my life, she could have punched me as many times as she wanted to, and I would of still been smilling. Thanks baby, love you and miss you.

As to the person whom seems to know where Michelle lives, you are wecome to come and punch me also, if you feel man enough!!!

Anonymous said...

I like your perspective of what it was like to see your baby for the first time. She's lucky to have you. Your lucky to have her. She is really beautiful, just like her momma. Good luck. Stay clean. Enjoy the little bear.

Dying4Something2Live4 said...

She does look like a lil' bear in that sling thingy (wateva its called lol) but you two look adorable and I'm very, very happy for all three of you! Good luck mama!

Anonymous said...

"MICHELLE LIVES IN WELLINGTON MICHELLE LIVES IN WELLINGTON MICHELLE LIVES IN WELLINGTON MICHELLE LIVES IN WELLINGTON her kid was born at wellington regional she lives near primrose park HOW DO I NO THIS HOW DO I NO????"
whoooa...do you think you just revealed some sort of unknown information? You stupid idiot.
Michelle posts her full name and picture all over her blog.
Has Mike or Connie visited this blog latley?