the robot voice

My entries sure have been few and far between. Shane (my bestest buddy) wrote a poem for me! Here's how it goes:

She sleeps with the sun and walks with the moon
She stares at her reflection in a spoon
You can't judge her for that
She knows where her head is at!

Shane is such a sweetheart. I threw my roomie out in the street. She promised a thousand times over that she'd have her half of the rent payed on time and come rent day, she's nowhere to be found. In fact, I still haven't seen her. Hope she didn't get roped off! Actually, I couldn't care less. I gathered her crap and put it out on Dixie Highway. Now when I say I "put it out on Dixie Highway" I don't mean I placed it on the sidewalk or at a bus stop. I mean I scattered her shit all over US-1. She picked the wrong manic-depressive crack-smoking heroin addict to fuck with, you know? Joe (my old roomie) served his 10 days in the county lockup and is back to living with me at the motel. He used to snort a lot of heroin, and he asked me specifically not to offer him any and if he did ask me for some, to tell him no because he doesn't want to get back involved in that. Props! I wish it was that easy for me. Sometimes I wish that all my connects would just disappear into the stratosphere so that I would be forced to quit. Ah, wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which one fills up first...

Me and Greg are back together after the son-of-a-bitch dumped me on my birthday. I hated him for a couple days over that, but I can look back and see what he was pissed off about- me and Shane! But Shane's old lady is out of jail too (she gained about 15 pounds- girl looks good!) so now it's back to Me+Greg and Shane+Kim which is the way it should be. I'm not gonna say I don't like Shane, because that would be a lie. Sometimes I think about giving Greg the ol' Fuck You note and taking Shane as my own. But I'm really in love with Greg, although no one understands it. I've heard people say that he's a creepy old man (he's 49) who is taking advantage of a young girl (I'm 22) but it totally doesn't seem like it. That could be part of the whole "taking advantage" part though. Whatever, I'm not your average 22-year-old. I know where my head is at! I'm more like 22 going on 50.

My heroin habit is spiraling out of control. I shot 15 1/2 bags yesterday and finally had to go to sleep at 8pm to prevent me from doing any more. I also shot coke yesterday for the first time in almost 2 months. Just 2 shots! It was nice to hear the robot voice again (that's Micheal's term for how odd everything sounds right after a big coke shot) but I was glad that I barely had any. The last thing I need is to go through a whole pile of the shit to where I'm shaking too bad to hit a vein and end up with 2 totally numb arms from missing. Ugh. I did them 2 shots back to back, followed them with a shot of dope, 2 joints, and another shot of dope. I was shitfaced! Felt great. Argh, that's the problem- that it feels great! I wish getting high felt shitty, then maybe I would quit. Actually I don't think I would stop getting high just cause I didn't enjoy it. I would be a lot more depressed though. Fuck! I thought I had it that time.

I met a new friend out on Dixie. She works at one of the "jack shacks" and says she gets at least $200 per custie. Why do I care? She says she can get me a job there! Yey! Problem is, my tracks are so noticable that I wouldn't hire me if I wasn't me. I found an awesome vein on my inner arm between my wrist and my elbow and I managed to put holes down the entire length of it. Once you mix my lack of common sense, my desperation and my need to get high, anything can be done. But it's all bruised and swollen, and... well, I'll take a camera-phone pic and see if I can't get some new pictures onto this mo-fucker. I guess that's all I really have to say- I don't know what I came on here to really talk about.

I'm hooked on these smoothies called Naked Juice, especially the one called Green Machine. Props!
http://www.nakedjuice.com/main.php