they don't see the irony in this AT ALL

Hey friends, stalkers, and assholes- I am now on myspace. I don't really know if I like it or not, but I figured I was the only American non-Amish under the age of 25 who didn't have a myspace, so I signed up. The url is www.myspace.com/floridashelley if anyone gives a crap.

I've decided what I want to do for a career, and that's cooking. Because of Jazzie's soy allergy I've had to be really creative in making food, since I can't go out to eat. It used to annoy me that I couldn't eat anything at any restaurant, but now I really enjoy going over menus and figuring out how to make the menu items tastier, healthier, and soy free. I'm making up my own recipes too, and trying them out. Jazzie loves to eat new foods (well, until a couple days ago because she's been pretty sick, barfing and shitting all over the place, she's finally getting better) so she enjoys it, and I love the complicated stressful running around multitasking chaos that is making a really complicated meal from scratch.

So in January, I'm going to the Florida Culinary Institute. When I was having my admissions interview, they asked for a copy of my high school diploma which I have. Imagine my surprise when I learned that the shitty boarding school I was forced in (and kept there with force) was not accredited by anything other than the guy running it. I did 3 1/2 years in high school, graduated and got a diploma, and technically I'm a high school dropout because my diploma isn't worth the paper it's printed on. I took a test to show that I know how to say "where are you?" instead of "where you at?" and that I can add fractions and do long division, so I got in anyways. I want to take the GED though, not for school but just for me. But I got accepted and financial aid is taking care of me with a Pell grant and a couple of student loans, so I start college (well, vocational school) on January 4th.

I'd go to school Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday in the afternoons. My mom will watch Jazzie Monday and Wednesday and then Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm gonna find a good day care for her. I need to find a day care that fits 3 qualifications:
1) close by (if my kid has an emergency, I don't want her to be in buttfuck egypt)
2) food allergy sensitive (don't give my kid crackers or apple juice)
3) cloth diapers ok (disposables cost too much damn $$$)
4) lets parents come in to see the babies whenever they want without an appt (nothing to hide)
5) lets me pay by the day and not by the week (I don't want to pay for 5 days and bring her in for only 2)
I think I might have found a place that fits all those qualifications but it's expensive. I'm going on Monday to check out their toddler class, where Jazzie would be.


Jazzie is such a big girl though, she loves to play with other babies and toys and crawl around screaming. She doesn't walk yet, but she says a lot of words and imitates everything. And she's growing so much hair! I bought her conditioner, although to be completely honest it's more wishful thinking than anything else.

Wal-Mart stopped selling shorts for "the winter." Apparently their corporate warehouses or whatever ship the same clothes to ALL Wal-Marts for the different seasons. The problem is, that leaves folks in northern Montana wearing the same clothes in November that the folks in Miami wear in November. and I bet the temperatures are slightly different. Like today, it's over 80 degrees and it's not even 9am. What the fuck "winter" are they referring to? All I see in Wal-Mart is coats, jackets, sweatpants, long sleeves, etc. If I wore those clothes I would pass out in the street. Baby only owns 1 coat, and she's only worn it twice (and both times for less than 1 hour). It doesn't get cold out this way until January at least, and even that "cold" is 50 degrees at the chilliest and lasts for less than 3 weeks. Fucking "winter."



I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate Al-Anon. Bunch of whiny empty nest bitches who were magically told by Jesus that if they go to enough retarded meetings and pray hard enough, little Johnny will stop smoking weed and their husband will stop drinking and beating their ass every day. "Al-Anon, help! My family hates me! They have an expensive, time-consuming habit that alienates them from the rest of the family because they think they need it and put their habit first and foremost, and that's just totally wrong! Please Al-Anon, I'll pay your fees, I'll donate, I'll put money down for the expensive hotel room for the 3-5 conferences every year, I'll buy stuff to hawk at the stupid conventions, I'll go to a meeting every day, I'll acknowledge that I *NEED* these meetings, I'll ignore my family and put the program first and foremost, anything to stop my kid/husband from having an expensive, time-consuming habit that comes first and foremost and alienates them from the rest of the family because they think they need it!" And they don't see the irony in this AT ALL. It's also slightly ironic to spend 60% of your life devoted to a program that teaches you to live and let live, and how you can't change other people, and you need to work on yourself, etc, and the other 40% of your life 9 ft up someone's ass, pissing and moaning and telling them the way they need to be doing things. Fucking silly. I'd rather she was smoking herb, I bet it's cheaper and takes less time.


Halloween was fun, Jazzie dressed up like a boy (and she fooled everyone, ha ha ha). We went to the stupid mall and went trick or treating, but since Jazzie is allergic to all that candy (chocolate = soy and fruit candy = apple juice) I just made her safe brownies to eat when she got jealous of the chocolate eating other kids. She loves brownies, she just shoved em in her mouth saying "MMMMMMMMMMM" while attempting to swallow them whole.

Jazzie has a new friend, this 2 year old girl named Celina, she's really cute and silly. Her folks are awesome too, and they live right down the street. :)


I'm really excited about Thanksgiving. Since I'm the one who can't eat anything, I'm the one who is making the entire dinner from scratch. It's going to be so exciting, I can't wait.

Anything else I forgot? If I did, I'll make an attempt to update more often because sometimes I'm just lazy and only want to play SHAPE SHIFTER and fuck around on the forums when I get online.