Merry Christmas

I'll be on my NEW laptop pretty soon and then I'll actually update, but here's this quick tidbit: Merry Christmas, me and Jazzie had a great one, she is spoiled rotten with piles and piles of toys and books and stuff in general. I made a cake for Christmas Eve and it actually didn't stick or burn or fall apart or anything, my butter frosting was awesome too. I start school pretty soon (already did orientation) and my daughter goes to daycare for the first time next week (probably the 28th). Fun for everyone.

they don't see the irony in this AT ALL

Hey friends, stalkers, and assholes- I am now on myspace. I don't really know if I like it or not, but I figured I was the only American non-Amish under the age of 25 who didn't have a myspace, so I signed up. The url is www.myspace.com/floridashelley if anyone gives a crap.

I've decided what I want to do for a career, and that's cooking. Because of Jazzie's soy allergy I've had to be really creative in making food, since I can't go out to eat. It used to annoy me that I couldn't eat anything at any restaurant, but now I really enjoy going over menus and figuring out how to make the menu items tastier, healthier, and soy free. I'm making up my own recipes too, and trying them out. Jazzie loves to eat new foods (well, until a couple days ago because she's been pretty sick, barfing and shitting all over the place, she's finally getting better) so she enjoys it, and I love the complicated stressful running around multitasking chaos that is making a really complicated meal from scratch.

So in January, I'm going to the Florida Culinary Institute. When I was having my admissions interview, they asked for a copy of my high school diploma which I have. Imagine my surprise when I learned that the shitty boarding school I was forced in (and kept there with force) was not accredited by anything other than the guy running it. I did 3 1/2 years in high school, graduated and got a diploma, and technically I'm a high school dropout because my diploma isn't worth the paper it's printed on. I took a test to show that I know how to say "where are you?" instead of "where you at?" and that I can add fractions and do long division, so I got in anyways. I want to take the GED though, not for school but just for me. But I got accepted and financial aid is taking care of me with a Pell grant and a couple of student loans, so I start college (well, vocational school) on January 4th.

I'd go to school Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday in the afternoons. My mom will watch Jazzie Monday and Wednesday and then Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm gonna find a good day care for her. I need to find a day care that fits 3 qualifications:
1) close by (if my kid has an emergency, I don't want her to be in buttfuck egypt)
2) food allergy sensitive (don't give my kid crackers or apple juice)
3) cloth diapers ok (disposables cost too much damn $$$)
4) lets parents come in to see the babies whenever they want without an appt (nothing to hide)
5) lets me pay by the day and not by the week (I don't want to pay for 5 days and bring her in for only 2)
I think I might have found a place that fits all those qualifications but it's expensive. I'm going on Monday to check out their toddler class, where Jazzie would be.


Jazzie is such a big girl though, she loves to play with other babies and toys and crawl around screaming. She doesn't walk yet, but she says a lot of words and imitates everything. And she's growing so much hair! I bought her conditioner, although to be completely honest it's more wishful thinking than anything else.

Wal-Mart stopped selling shorts for "the winter." Apparently their corporate warehouses or whatever ship the same clothes to ALL Wal-Marts for the different seasons. The problem is, that leaves folks in northern Montana wearing the same clothes in November that the folks in Miami wear in November. and I bet the temperatures are slightly different. Like today, it's over 80 degrees and it's not even 9am. What the fuck "winter" are they referring to? All I see in Wal-Mart is coats, jackets, sweatpants, long sleeves, etc. If I wore those clothes I would pass out in the street. Baby only owns 1 coat, and she's only worn it twice (and both times for less than 1 hour). It doesn't get cold out this way until January at least, and even that "cold" is 50 degrees at the chilliest and lasts for less than 3 weeks. Fucking "winter."



I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate Al-Anon. Bunch of whiny empty nest bitches who were magically told by Jesus that if they go to enough retarded meetings and pray hard enough, little Johnny will stop smoking weed and their husband will stop drinking and beating their ass every day. "Al-Anon, help! My family hates me! They have an expensive, time-consuming habit that alienates them from the rest of the family because they think they need it and put their habit first and foremost, and that's just totally wrong! Please Al-Anon, I'll pay your fees, I'll donate, I'll put money down for the expensive hotel room for the 3-5 conferences every year, I'll buy stuff to hawk at the stupid conventions, I'll go to a meeting every day, I'll acknowledge that I *NEED* these meetings, I'll ignore my family and put the program first and foremost, anything to stop my kid/husband from having an expensive, time-consuming habit that comes first and foremost and alienates them from the rest of the family because they think they need it!" And they don't see the irony in this AT ALL. It's also slightly ironic to spend 60% of your life devoted to a program that teaches you to live and let live, and how you can't change other people, and you need to work on yourself, etc, and the other 40% of your life 9 ft up someone's ass, pissing and moaning and telling them the way they need to be doing things. Fucking silly. I'd rather she was smoking herb, I bet it's cheaper and takes less time.


Halloween was fun, Jazzie dressed up like a boy (and she fooled everyone, ha ha ha). We went to the stupid mall and went trick or treating, but since Jazzie is allergic to all that candy (chocolate = soy and fruit candy = apple juice) I just made her safe brownies to eat when she got jealous of the chocolate eating other kids. She loves brownies, she just shoved em in her mouth saying "MMMMMMMMMMM" while attempting to swallow them whole.

Jazzie has a new friend, this 2 year old girl named Celina, she's really cute and silly. Her folks are awesome too, and they live right down the street. :)


I'm really excited about Thanksgiving. Since I'm the one who can't eat anything, I'm the one who is making the entire dinner from scratch. It's going to be so exciting, I can't wait.

Anything else I forgot? If I did, I'll make an attempt to update more often because sometimes I'm just lazy and only want to play SHAPE SHIFTER and fuck around on the forums when I get online.

TNB: "I know you was wit my husband"

It's 63 degrees this morning. Sixty-fucking-three! In South Florida, and in the middle of October. It's unheard of, especially since yesterday it was in the high 80s. Time to pull out my one and only hoodie, I suppose.

The other night, I was walking through the neighborhood to the store to buy a box of disposable diapers for Jazzie (we use one disposable per day, all the rest cloth, so a box of 64 will last me until damnear Christmas) and there was a car parked blocking the sidewalk. I didn't want to stomp all over somebody's grass, so instead I walked down the driveway onto the street so I could get by. As I started walking my same path, a car pulled up behind me and stopped. I glanced back to make sure it wasn't a cop, saw a regular silver car with a woman sitting in it, and turned back around to walk but the silver car pulls up in front of me, blocking my way. The window goes down to reveal a large, ugly African-American woman, who looked very angry.

"What were you doing in mah house?" she demands to know.

Oh great, I thought. Now I gotta deal with some TNB.

"What house?" I asked, knowing full well that I hadn't been in anybody's place but my own.

"I seen you leavin' mah house, you walked right out the do', is mah husband home? Did he tell you dat he married?"

Yep, I thought, TNB for fucking sure.

"I wasn't in anybody's house, I'm just going to the store to buy diapers." I responded.

"Bitch, I seen you leave mah house, I know you was wit my husband, walk over dere and see if mah husband is home."

"Why the fuck should I? I didn't do shit," I responded, getting angrier at these baseless accusations. "I'm outta here."

"Get back over here white girl!" she yells, and then lunges at me. She grabbed my hair and pulled hard. I was hot, but at the same time slightly amused at the fact that instead of fighting, we were clearly going to be bitch-fighting. I pushed her away, and she slapped me in the jaw and ear. I was really pissed at this point, so I started running my mouth.

"I don't know your husband, but if I were him I'd be fucking anybody who wasn't your ugly ass," I yelled. Or something along those lines. Then she punched me in the mouth. I punched her in the throat and she steps back for a second, growls "whore" and comes at me again. This time I got her first, punching in the ribs. I was aiming for the solar plexus but missed, and my hand struck pretty harmlessly in her chest, and she went for the bitch-slap to the side of the face again.

"Stupid nigger!" I yelled, throwing another punch to the solar plexus but actually hitting the mark this time. She had a hold of my hair but I pulled away as she tried to regain her wind. We were both rushing towards each other again when about 7-8 kids came running out of the house (you know, the house that I was having the alleged clandestine meeting with her husband) to break us up.

"What's goin' on?" yelled one of the kids.

"That crazy bitch was in mah house, she was wit mah man!" the ugly woman screamed.

"You were in our house? How?" asked another kid, a boy maybe 11 or 12 years old. My guess is that the cherished husband was hanging out in the main room with all these kids during our supposed tryst.

"I wasn't in anybody's fucking house, this dumb whore attacked me, apparently her husband likes little white girls, that's not my fucking fault," I responded angrily.

"Just go," said the oldest kid, who looked about 16. So, I went.

Looking back, I don't know which is more disgusting: the fact that that ugly groid was married or the idea of *shudder* banging the man that would marry that. Gross. So yeah, I can't walk down my own street without getting falsely accused and assaulted by some crazy black women who (for SOME reason) can't hold onto her man so she projects her ugly hatefulness onto any chick who looks better than her (and I'm not being egotistical either, a monkey's red ass looks better than her).

And people wonder why I'm racist?

Jazzie loves Dora the Explorer

Jazzie's party pics

Happy first birthday Jasmyne Rose!!!!!!

My baby girl turns one today, she's got a stack of presents and I've been cooking all of yesterday (and shall be cooking again during her nap) for her big family party at my folk's house today. I will post lots of pictures.

9/12 March on Washington DC

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If you've been watching the news lately, you probably haven't heard about the 9/12 March. Well you might have... you know, the giant KKK rally? Where "thousands" of "conservatives" marched on the Capitol in Washington DC to like, oppress black people and kill puppies and whatnot. What actually happened, was over a million Americans marched on the Capitol in Washington DC to protest socialism, health-care reform, Obama, his 32 czars, Nancy Pelosi, the media, and foreign aid. Well, I was there and I got pictures to prove it.

Nothing could have been more fun than going to DC last week. I was at my parents house on Wednesday night, and we left on Thursday morning for a 7am flight, which Jazzie didn't much appreciate. We arrived at the airport at around 630am and realized that Jaz had peed through her entire outfit and onto my mom's shirt. I didn't even have an extra outfit in the carry-on bags, since she hasn't done that for months, so she went on the plane in just a shirt and her diaper cover. She didn't cry or whine or annoy anyone on the plane, she mostly slept and nursed and played quietly. We arrived at Reagan Airport in what is apparently Virginia at around 930am and jumped on the Metro to our hotel in downtown DC.

We got to the hotel and were told that our rooms wouldn't be ready until around 3pm. Jaz ate some oatmeal and some raisins and Cheerios at the airport, but she was a little grumpy because she usually eats a whole bunch of fruit for her meals (watermelon, blueberries, bananas, grapes, mangoes, avocado, papaya, etc). So we dropped off our luggage with the hotel folks and walked the 20 blocks over to Whole Foods. She slept the whole way over in her stroller, and when she woke up we already had her food ready and baby felt a lot better after eating her normal stuff for lunch. On the way back to the hotel, we took a cab because we didn't want to walk 20 blocks back with big grocery bags which was exciting for Jazzie.

We got tired of hanging out in the lobby, so I walked the stroller into Chinatown for no apparent reason. I learned that Newports were about ten bucks a pack in downtown DC, which is fucking sick, but I found a homeboy on the street selling Newport packs for $5. You can bet your ass I bought those. I got back to the hotel at 4pm (an hour after our room was supposed to be ready) and they told me it would be another 45 minutes. Hells to the no. I spit game until I got us different connecting rooms that were available immediately, and we went up to the 7th floor. Lucas showed up around 7pm and we went to eat at a nearby steakhouse but they had an "indefinite wait time" which was shit so we had to go to a sandwich shop instead. Jazzie had her food, but I can't eat at restaurants except for steak cooked in nothing and salad with no dressing (because of soy) so I didn't eat anything, figuring I'd figure out a way to have breakfast.

That night after Jazzie went to sleep, Lucas and I went out in DC. We had a great time, and we did finally get something to eat. :) DC is a real city, and we wanted to enjoy our time in it. The next morning (September 11) I ate breakfast meats cooked in butter at the hotel restaurant. Bacon, ham, eggs, and cheese on Whole Foods bread, basically plaque on a whole-wheat bun. It was delicious and filled with protein. We went to the Smithsonian Institute and looked at the animals, which Jazzie really enjoyed and pointed at a lot.

That night there were huge pre-Tea Party parties at the Hyatt, at our hotel, and in the streets. Lucas and I drank Long Island iced teas and talked to different people. We were compiling a list of all the different states that protesters were from, and the biggest group was from Florida (that we met) and then Ohio and Texas. Three of the necessary electoral states. :) :) The South in general was very well represented, but there were West Coasters and New Englanders as well. When I asked a Southerner what state they were from, they would scream it: "TEXAS!!" "ALABAMA!!" "TENNESSEE!!" "FLORIDA!!" but when you asked some of the others, they'd look down and whisper: "um, Massachusetts" "*cough* California *cough*" which I found pretty amusing. Another good night in the big city.

The next morning we were there for the march at 9am. Folks were gathering up at Freedom Plaza earlier, but Jazzie had to eat her breakfast first. There were so many people there, and they were all smiling and happy and talking to each other and us. The signs that folks were holding up were often funny and creative, and in that whole crowd I didn't see one single sign that used the words "black" "Negro" or "nigger." I also didn't see any black folks there protesting, except for the ACORN counter-protesters. I'm glad that the ACORN folks were there, because they were exercising their first amendment rights same as the rest of us. I think the black folks who were there, protesting against Obama, that shows some real courage on their part- awesome for them.

There was a helicopter overhead, so we started yelling at it "read the bill! read the bill!" but we were passing by a building with the first amendment written on the wall (ironically enough, the Museum of Journalism) so Lucas started chanting "read the wall! read the wall!" Of course, it's really easy to start a chant in a crowd like that so everyone quickly caught on. A woman with a loudspeaker was trying to read the text of the first amendment but signs were in the way, so I ran over to her and showed her my smaller sign which had it written. I think we accomplished a lot at that march.

Here are some signs that I saw there that I didn't get any pictures of for one reason or another:
"I got tired of yelling at my TV so I came here"
"We are exercising our first amendment rights, but if that fails, there's always the second amendment."
"Bury Obamacare with Kennedy"
"Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than all of my guns"
"THIS time we came unarmed!"
"Okay, I'm here, now where's my check?"
"Where will Canadians go for their healthcare?"
(held by a man in an Obama mask) "It's not my fault, it was the previous administration"



Oh, and we actually cleaned up after ourselves too. :)

what I've been up to

=I've been traveling a lot with baby and others and having a great time. Today is this concert called the Rockstar Mayhem Tour.

http://www.mayhemfest.com

It's gonna be so much damn fun.

a day in the life

I tried to put these pictures in order, but I'm not the most computer-savvy bitch alive (obviously) so here they are randomly. This is just one really fun day with baby, if you think it's boring or redundant I don't really care. Bask in the glory of Jasmyne's beautiful face.

at the grocery store

making sleepy faces on the changing table

right after eating a snack (banana)

the same grocery store trip as before, reaching for orange juice

look at her teeth! 8 of 'em now!

car seat chillin'

more grocery shoppin'- Jazzie loves mushrooms

at this indoor playground in Gardens

crawlin' around the house

more car seat chillin'

same indoor playground

bouncing her on the trampoline

eating... breakfast? lunch? dinner?

big smiles

she's like a puppy who got into her kibble, no?