Monday, March 24, 2008

foreshadowing... dun dun DUNNNNN

I finally have something interesting to write about, but I guess I gotta go in order...

Okay, so I've been staying with Greggie and his ex-wife at their house since leaving where I was, and what a relief it's been. He is almost done building the apartment attached to the house (used to be their laundry room, living room, and bathroom) and I helped by painting a bunch of wooden for-rent signs which we then put on stakes and put up around his neighborhood. [side note- I had just finished reading Salem's Lot by Stephen King and it entertained me walking around with all them wooden stakes, hah] They are good signs, really professional-looking, so people are either stealing them, stapling their signs right on top, or piggybacking. There was the same for-rent sign in front of 4 of Greg's signs which got him frustrated. The first one he left alone, the second one he moved a little bit, the third and fourth ones he just took because they are obviously inconsiderate assholes.

Later, my dad took me to the doctor because I haven't been sleeping good since quitting the h and wanted a prescription, and also I wanted a pregnancy test done by a doc. The test came up positive (just as I suspected) so he wouldn't write me any scrips for sleeping pills, telling me that the only safe thing to take is diphenhydramine (benadryl, unisom, sominex, etc) which is gay because it only works for 2 nights in a row. At least I'm not dopesick at night anymore- benadryl when I'm dopesick just makes me toss and turn. I asked him for a piece of paper stating the results of the preg test so I could show Greg, and gave me a page from his scrip book (signed and everything) that just said "Michelle is pregnant!" I'm trying to figure out a way to post that on here- but hell, I'm on a library computer and therefore have no scanner. Greg has a digital camera though, so new pics will be coming soon. I know I'm gonna need a pic to prove what happened next (not that I have to prove anything to the haters, it'll just be more fun that way, ya know?)

So the next day (Saturday), Greg and his ex had a yard sale and then all 3 of us went to Golden Corall for lunch with the money they made. Later that night I was kind of schizing out and my head was going a mile a minute, so I decided to go for a walk in the rain even though it was getting dark out and I was wearing jeans and a dark blue coat (foreshadowing... dun dun DUNNNNN). I walked north all the way to [the next major street] and back in the rain, which was a long walk and by the time I got back to the neighborhood I was dog-tired and my feet hurt so I wasn't really paying attention to where I was walking. So I'm tired, achy, half-crazy (drug cravings that I refuse to give into, mostly), walking in the road, wearing dark clothes, at night, in the rain. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what happened next.

WHAP! Got hit by a car and knocked into the grass. A car and a truck immediately pulled over and asked if I was ok, and did I want an ambulance. I was a block away from Greg's house and didn't think I was too badly hurt, so I said no and walked the rest of the way back. When I got there, Greg helped me take the coat off and I seen a huge hard lump sticking out of my elbow. I touched it, and for the first time realized that I might be hurt for real. My whole left side was throbbing, especially my elbow and shoulder, and my right knee was burning because that's what I landed on when I fell. Still, it took Greg half an hour to talk me into going to the emergency room.

A note about ERs- I fucking hate them with a passion. I know a lot of junkies hit ERs claiming severe pain just to get pills, but that's just not my style. If I want drugs, I don't have to fill out a bunch of paperwork, wait for hours, and tell a bunch of lies- I simply make a phone call and get what I want quickly. But whenever I have to go to an ER, the docs/nurses just look at my tracks and assume I'm trying to pull a scam. I hate that. But my arm was really starting to smart, so I let 'em take me. I sat in that stupid hospital from 830pm to almost 4am, what with taking x-rays and waiting for them to come back. Everyone there (as usual) thought I was bullshitting to get some narcotics, and they wouldn't let me go out and smoke, plus my arm really did hurt, and I was there forever, and the tv volume didn't work, and I was hungry and thirsty. Obviously I was getting increasingly pissed off as time went by. The x-rays were torture because they were yanking my hurt arm every which way and were reluctant to give me painkillers because a) I told them I was pregnant, and b) they still thought I was full of shit.

I was almost relieved when the doc came back and told me that I had a "left compound radial head fracture", which is medical-school lingo for my elbow was broken in two places. The hard lump I seen sticking out wasn't just swollen, it was the bone almost puncturing the skin. I started getting a little more respect after that because they seen that I wasn't just wasting their time trying to get drugs- I also got percocet without even having to ask. Then they put a big ugly cast on me, and a sling which took 3 people and 30 minutes to puzzle out. I hate hospitals, yes I do. In addition to the busted elbow, I have a sprained shoulder, bruised ribs, a bruised knee (the right knee, while everything else hurt is on the left side), sprained knuckles, a hyper-extended ligament, and mild whiplash. Tons of fun, right? You know how hard it is to type with my left hand all swole up like a balloon? I put all my rings on my right hand cause they don't fit my left fingers at the moment- super gay. Well, at least they found out I wasn't bullshitting. Also I don't have a long history of ER visits where I'm complaining of pain- really the only times I've gone to emergency rooms is when I've overdosed or had a real bad seizure that I can't come out of, or when I actually WANT to get committed to the mental hospital (it's happened). This cast is a big pain in the ass, but I'm sposed to make an appointment with an "orthopedic specialist" to get this fiberglass cast off (and I guess a different cast on?) which my dad said he would pay for. He also payed for my percocets, which I am NOT abusing. I got a scrip for 15 5mg pills on Sunday morning (the sun was almost up when I left that stoopid ER) and have only taken 2 of 'em. I'm really trying as hard as I can to stay clean- hell I'm not even smoking pot or drinking right now. Crazy but true.

That's really it for now- I officially have over a month off heroin, although I stopped counting the days cause I'm not an AA/NA faggot. I can't say a month "clean" because I did use coke and 'done and weed and other shit over the past month, but definitely a month off the boy. Hooray for Shelley! And I know what the responses will be- "you're not clean, you're full of crap, I know you're not using, blah blah blah." As Yoda would say, you matter not. What matters is that I'm no longer a slave to the spike, and even though my craving sometimes kick my ass across the room and back I don't make the phone call to get any shit. If Micheal and Shane could quit heroin, hell- so can I.

$$REPLIES$$

dumbass- I'm not, and I don't care what you think. Thanks for signing your name at the bottom, I wasn't sure who you were but now I know that you're a dumbass!

anon 1- Yeah, I have tons of fun.

chris- I know it- I just needed to get high on something and didn't want to use heroin.

anon 2- See above for the answer to your question. I didn't know you knew my stepmom- she hasn't posted on here and in fact doesn't like to read me because I talk about drugs too much. It's amazing how much you "know".

lori- Make fun of yourself before others can, that's my philosophy.

victoria- I will if I have enough interent time left after this update, k?

anon 3/greg- I can always tell which posts are yours- you don't have to put your name or nothing!

bill- Guys my own age are immature assholes- I like older men and that's not even a rare thing for girls in their 20s, especially here in sunny South Florida. Kimmy Dixon was a close friend, so please don't talk shit about her. Talk shit about me all you want, but the dead can't defend themselves and it's just plain fucking mean, ok? I don't have fake tits- mine are all natural although they grew from a B-cup to a large C-cup since getting pregnant. Who says prostitution is a job that doesn't help others? There are many worse things you can do to a person than give them an orgasm. Palm Beach County is pretty crappy, I'll agree with you on that- cesspool is the perfect term too. Props!

heatherrreloise- Thanks, that gives me warm fuzzies.

skillz- I wasn't trying to get wasted, just wanted my head to shut up for a second so I didn't "think big". When I was shooting I usually did 1 or 2 bags at once, 3 when I was feeling particularly self-destructive (although 3 bags of what I get tends to make me barf and then pass out, which is dumb cause I'd rather enjoy my high). I think it's hilarious that people that hate me read every single thing I write just to spew venom- if I find a blog I don't like, I avoid it. But, some people have even less of a life than I do!

anon 4- Not fake humor, but real life trashy!

anon 5- Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

lori- You're in AA or NA, aren't you? I'm just guessing that by the way you write... could be wrong though.

anon 6- ...

coke addiction kinda sucks- It's easier than I thought it would be, but that's about all I can say.

taxitalk- Enjoy!

All right, my arm is screaming bloody murder so I'm done typing. Glad I got to update though- ouchies!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

good idea? probably not

Wow, that's some venom-spewing if I ever heard any. Thanks for the support Greggie! Ahhhh I only have 11 minutes left online! This is gay! Bob just called now, as I was writing this. Clown shoes, hahahahaha. I drank 20mg of methadone today mixed with a couple valium. Good idea? Probably not. Fun? Hells yes! Haha!

I LOVE YOU ALL!!! EVEN THE HATERS!!!

let me say it before someone else does: "yeah, I love everyone for a hundred bucks an hour." There- it's been said. Now no one needs to say it again cause it's unoriginal and uncreative. I have to learrn carpentry today. Argh! Rob wants me back! I am floating!

Greg quit smoking pot for real. That doesn't mean I have to stop- it actually helps me. I've cut out booze altogether, so that's a good thing.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

a whack in the nose with a hair-care product

So I left where I was staying. The guy I was with started a long rant about how I never "show my feelings" and how I "don't care about anything including him". Hell, he's not wrong, it just got on my damn nerves. So I decided to leave, and I was attempting to pack up my shit when he gets about thisclose to my face screaming about "GO BACK AND DO YOUR DRUGS GO BACK TO GREGGIE HIT THE FUCKING STREET DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS" and I happened to be holding a bottle of leave-in hair conditioner in my hand and I was screaming STOP STOP SHUT THE FUCK UP STOP YELLING I'M LEAVING!!! and trying to back away from him. So I did what any woman would do in that situation. I whacked him in the nose with the conditioner, making it bleed. Then he thumped me in the head, which hurt but also amused the hell out of me because he likes to go on for hours and hours and hours about how he's a "real man" and "real men never hit women, even if the woman hits them first. Hah! All it takes is a whack to the nose with a hair-care product to turn him from a "real man" into an sniveling adolescent boy. Fucking clown shoes.

As a result of this, I really didn't have time to pack my shit (hell, I walked out of there barefoot cause he refused to give me my shoes) so I pretty much lost most of my possessions. I'm back with Greggie, who said he will help me only if I stay clean. I haven't been doing TOO bad a job of that, I'm not exactly "living sober" but I'm not addicted to heroin anymore and that's a hell of a start. I'm not doing any more coke, either- sure it was fun. But that shit gets old, especially when you run out and your veins are thumpin' for more. Yyyyeeeaaahhh that sucks. So, no more coke. I still smoke tons of weed and take valium or muscle relaxers when I'm feeling really shitty (not daily with these, cause I know benzos are addictive too) but yeah. Soon I'll cut everything out- but right now I'm not strong enough. If the cravings start kicking my ass and I don't have a v to pop or a blunt to smoke, I will search out a bag of dope. And that's exactly what I don't want. Shittin' me. I've gone through too much pain, too much sickness, and too much of Bobby's bullshit to go back to the spike. I would've suffered for a month FOR NOTHING if I went back. No turning back, nigga!

So I guess I'm gonna look for a job today, a real job. Can't be that fucking hard, I've done it before. I no longer have internet access in the crib and have to go to the library (not like this is a new thing for me). I am starting a new life, and probably a new blog over on LiveJournal, I'm not sure if I'm gonna do that project or not but it helps to stay busy when you're feeling too irritable to talk to other people.

I nearly got a month off heroin- no turning back, no turning back.

Oh by the way- as I was leaving Bob threatened to call the police on me for a used needle that was in his house. Get it? The needle is in his house. I, on the other hand, am way down the fucking street (plus I rinse my rigs so there's no blood in 'em). Possession is 9/10ths of the law, mothafukka!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

at least it's not heroin

I did coke last night. It wasn't a lot, hell I only got 2 good shots out of it even though it was quite powerful. Usually when I do coke I do a shot of heroin to come off it, but this time I didn't have any (and wasn't planning on buying any) so I came down the only way I could- by getting stoned out of my fucking gourd. At least it's not heroin. I guess I just opened the door for shit-talkers, but I don't much care. Blah blah blah with your bullshit and your hate. I know I don't lose any sleep over it. This blog was created and is maintained for 2 reasons: 1) because it's fun, and 2) because I support free speech. The haters are just having fun (?) and using their right of free speech, so why should it bother me? That's exactly what blogs are about- open forums of discussion.

You know what's been plaguing my mind lately? Thoughts of h. I know it takes a while to get rid of the cravings, but hell. I got almost a month off- 23 days, or perhaps 24, I haven't been keeping such good track lately. Here's my current obsession involving h. I haven't called my main dealer "Jose" in a while, and he lives very close to where I am staying. If I called him, he'd be here in like 3 seconds with a couple freebies just to get me back on the bus. He's used to hearing from me every day, and I know he left voice messages on my turned-off phone. Then I sneak the shots and have to start over. What a fun fantasy, huh? NOT!

Opiophile.org is down! I am a sad sad girl, and I think I need to fix my links now that half the sites I "promote" are down or pieces of shit by now.

Greggie if you're reading, I sent you an email.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

back to your stable

A quick message to whoever fucked with my google account so I couldn't get in- you SUCK! That inconvenienced me for like, 10 minutes you fucker!

Back to your stable, Greggie? Who you got workin' for ya? Anyone I know? Where you gettin' the crack for them hoes? Hahahahahahahahahaha! I really miss you and I'm glad you're letting me do what I hafta do. I'm glad I've known "the pimp dude" long enough to be able to tell his posts from the posers.

2 1/2 weeks off by now, fucking marijuana maintenance. Talk your shit. I don't care. I haven't done anything at all for weeks, my phone has been off, anyone who knows me in person can attest to that. I'm scared of getting stuck back on heroin and I'm not gonna let it happen. Even if I have to move back home.

I like the "classics" of shit-talking. Are you actually too dumb to come up with your own shit to spew at me? Come on- you couldn't ask for an easier target.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Greggie

I love you too Greg

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

"people liked her, and she had friends"

Not dead, not in jail. You people actually check the PBSO mug shots for me when I haven't posted in a long time? Wow. For those who don't know yet, my full name is Michelle Angelina Moreau. I guess it doesn't matter anymore. I'm not working the streets anymore. You want to know why?

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/localnews/
content/local_news/epaper/2008/02/28/
0228body.html?imw=Y

That girl in the article (Kimberly Dixon, we called her Kimmy) wasn't just some random ho to me. I lived with her. I did dates with her. Hell, I had a threesome with her and her ex-boyfriend just for fun a long time ago. This is a girl who would come to ME if a date beat her up, or the cops were after her and she needed a place to hide out, or if she was dopesick, or sad, or lonely, or had no place to stay and it was raining. I KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt, that I've written in this blog about "Shane and Kim" being friends of mine. That's the Kimmy that they found in a fucking plastic bag. Blunt force trauma to the head by a motor vehicle- that's not in the article but I was contacted by Lake Worth detectives, since we were pretty close friends for "street people". The article does say this though:

"People liked her, and she had friends, said [the cop], and a woman at another hotel, who asked not to be named said the same thing."

Yes, she was a crack-smoking heroin-addicted street hooker. Yes, she was on the shit list of every police department in south Florida. Yes, she had a hell of a criminal record (all victimless crimes though, if you look closely- hooking, drugs, failure to appear but no robbery, no violence, no theft, no fraud). But people liked her, and she had friends, and once you proved to her that you weren't her enemy- that you were on her side- she was one of the sweetest, most compassionate, loving people I've ever known. Her and Shane, (who has been in a drug program for 8 months and stayed clean that whole time- he isn't a suspect AT ALL if anyone is thinking that) were the best friends I've ever had on the street. Well, one more name comes to mind- but that doesn't matter.

Those of you who have been reading me since last summer already know about Joe. He was my roommate at one of the motels I used to live in, and we got very close. At one point, we let a couple stay in the motel room with us- Shane and Kimmy. The 4 of us were great friends. Then Joe overdosed on heroin and died, back in August (I wrote about it here). I'm the one who found him. Out of that group of people- me, Shane, Joe, and Kimmy- half of the group is dead. Jesus.

ME AND KIMMY LIVED EXACTLY THE SAME...

So, yeah. I'm off the streets. I still do some dates, because I gave out my phone number to my favorite clients and they call me and arrange stuff, but I don't hit The Horror Mile anymore. (BTW Ron from Delray- the horror mile!!! I haven't heard that in like 2 years! Laughed my ass off- thanks.)

I've been off heroin for 2 weeks so FUCK ALL Y'ALL HATERZZZZ!!!!

*lights joint*

I don't need that fucking boy anymore anyways. Also, I broke up with Greg. For real this time- haven't spoken to him in over a week (although I do need my stuff back).