Go to facebook instead of here.

Been gone for a while. Refreshing to see folks still talking shit. Anyone who wants more Michelle can follow me on Facebook. My name there is Michelle Angelina and the profile pic is of Jasmyne. All of you haters and your "proof" can kiss my fat white ass. My baby is better taken care of than any of you were by your mommies. :)

picking on someone at her intellectual level

Had a party this weekend. It's nice to have friends my age, and a boyfriend my age who is fucking awesome, and a sweet little girl to entertain me and make me smile all day. I think the best part of a new relationship is that there aren't any arguments at all. None of that "why the hell did I get with him?" thinking, nothing to fight about at all, just happy faces and sexy bodies. And Jazzie likes him a lot, asks "where's Oz?" when he's not around.

But her favorite person besides me (and I know he's gonna read this eventually) is Rick. Jazzie was running all day long with only a 20 minute nap and some blueberries and raisins for fuel, and she was laying on the floor with her thumb in her mouth looking up at me. Just tired as all hell. Then Rick showed up because he left something at my place, and I told her "Rick is outside." She jumped up from the floor onto her feet and dashed towards the door, screaming "RICK! RICK! RICK!" She made it all the way through the wood chips, the sidewalk, and the wet grass barefoot just to say "hi Rick!" and wave at him when he left. If you are reading this dude, feel special. That baby fucking LOVES you.

I really am enjoying my life right now and all the haters can't stop that. Well, there's really only one hater but she couldn't find this website if I gave her the link and bookmarked it for her because she's too stupid to live (and fat). Yes, I'm referring to M3L!SSA!! the crazy ex-neighbor. She moved away, but she's still doing silly things like texting me the entire time I was in class talking about how my boyfriend is going to a car and bike show with her in Miami this weekend because he hates me and loves her. He basically hasn't left my sight since Thursday night, and I've asked her a couple of times if she and Oz are enjoying the car and bike show that they went to together. She responded by insulting my 18 month old on Facebook. I guess she's picking on someone at her intellectual level so I can't be too hard on her. Plus, it must suck to lose at everything you do and look like she does. If she doesn't leave me alone, I'm gonna toss her a link to this blog so that she can leave hater comments and all my readers (both of them) can see how much she sucks and maybe even dislike her as well.

TEA PARTY

Tax Day Tea Party today! Anyone interested in joining this pro-freedom pro-America grassroots movement, google the location of the nearest protest and help us fight for lower taxes, less spending and government entitlements, and personal freedom! I'll be in downtown West Palm Beach today at 6pm.

*ell, you *in this round, ni**er

Been havin* fun, han*in* out *ith lots of different folks. Today is April fools day, and someone tried to s*itch the "double u" and the letter bet*een F and H as a joke. *hat they actually accomplished *as breakin* those t*o letters and made them totally unusable. Not sure if "unusable" is a *ord, but there it is either *ay.

wishful thinking

I wish I weighed 120 pounds. I actually weigh about 137 pounds, which is lame. I've been eating mostly vegetables like broccoli, brussels sprouts, spinach and lettuce, celery, cucumber, cabbage, radishes, spaghetti squash, carrots, and the like. I think all the green shit is messing up my stomach though. Sucks. I really love salads (every day it's what I eat for breakfast and lunch) but I only will eat protein-filled salads with crunchies. My typical salad has lettuce, spinach, celery, carrots, cucumber, brussels sprouts, broccoli, hard boiled eggs, chicken, bacon, cheese, and sliced toasted almonds. With all that stuff on there I don't need but a tiny drop or so of dressing, which I can make myself.

I have two weeks off from school! WTF am I supposed to do with myself and my kid during that time? I can't wait to get back and have something to do during the day. Right now I just smoke a lot, play outside or at the park, and go to Publix often to make some new healthful food. Bored to shit.

rich people food

So, this guy's ex girlfriend is completely insane. But more than just insane. I can also add the following descriptive adjectives: stupid, immature, mean, petty, jealous, fat, ugly, spiteful, malevolent (that one she probably wouldn't understand), rude, cowardly, a liar, full of shit, stupid, throws temper tantrums like a toddler, inattentive as a mother, fat, compulsive eater, dirty, smelly, never cleans, STUPID, IMMATURE, middle school mentality, cop-caller, and more than anything else a LIAR. I was gonna write a list of offenses, both large and small, that this little girl (21 years old) has committed in the time that I've known her. Keep in mind that not all of these things are that bad on their own, but they do put together a personality profile that is quite unflattering:

-She lies constantly- about small things that don't matter (such as her daughter walked at 8 months and that she went to the emergency room for a rash), about bizarre things in an attempt for sympathy (such as she got into a car accident and hurt a newborn baby out of her car seat, and that she has severe scoliosis), and damaging lies about other people (those will be listed seperately).
-She types her name like this M3L!SSA!!
-She has a new "love of her life with him forever" ever couple of weeks or so (they always dump her every couple of weeks is why).
-She dated a Jewish guy who was basically Jamie Kennedy's character from Malibu's Most Wanted (I called him B-Rad, he actually would snap his fingers in the air and yell "daaaaaaaaamn nigga dat's mah jam!" when the new T-Pain or whatever song came on top 40 radio).
-She called the police on her other ex (the one I am sorta kinda with now) for beating her, which he never did.
-She told a friend's boyfriend that the friend had been sucking a black dude's dick in the back seat of a car, causing boyfriend to break up with her since boyfriend had never met M3L!SSA! and had no way of knowing how incredibly full of shit she is.
-She constantly text messages and talks to guys on myspace instead of watching her 2-year-old daughter, and then makes empty threats to slap her and put her to bed when she demands attention.
-She is fat (5'1 over 200 pounds), eats nothing but junk food, and is ugly.
-She never cleans her house (her live Christmas tree finally went out in March) and it smells awful in there, also doesn't take much of a shower.
-She is loud and annoying.
-She is stupid and has absolutely no depth to her.
-She accused my brother of buying stolen pills (the pills were never stolen)
-she txt b0mbz me all dae wit txt msgz tht l00k lyk thys
-She throws temper tantrums like a 4-year-old.
-She calls the police on anyone who says anything to her.
-She called my daughter fat, stupid, and ugly on text messages but is too cowardly to say anything to my face.
-She is delusional to the point where seeing her ex in the mall (he didn't see her) means that the two of them must be getting back together.
-She is desperate for a man, and desperation is ugly.
-She makes the lip-pursed dick sucking fish face in all of her myspace photos, which are mostly taken in the bathroom.
-She threatened to call the police and DCF on me for stealing pills (the ones I supposedly sold to my brother) and shooting heroin, stating that "the cops will believe me when they see your tracks."
-She comes into my house, eats all my food, leaves the dirty dishes laying out, leaves my kid's food laying out because her kid won't eat anything but McDonalds and when her kid says no she won't bother to put the food away and it goes bad, and then gets on my laptop and makes me watch both kids.
-She makes little comments about how fat my daughter is (the pot calling the kettle black, at least my kid is fat from blueberries and multi-grain bagels instead of Oreos and Happy Meals).
-She sends her mom (who is just as crazy as she is) to my house at 1030pm screaming about stolen pills.
-She drives unsafely and doesn't buckle her toddler into a car seat ever.
-She takes one sip of one beer and uses it as an excuse to act like a piece of shit all night because "I'M SOOOO DRUNK!!!!!"
-She pretends to do drugs to look cool in front of people.
-She threatened to get my daughter taken away over lies.
-She sends text messages revealing her hand: "if you keep messing with oz i will call dcf and tell them you're shooting heroin" and "see jon again and i'll call the cops". Incriminating evidence, anyone?
-She showed up at my house at 1130pm asking "is oz there?" banging on my door.

There is tons more, but that's enough for now. Threatening my daughter was her biggest mistake, because I don't fuck around when it comes to baby Jasmyne. I did something that I've never done before- I went to the police. With all the threats (on text message, easily provable) about false reports to DCF, I wanted to have it written down in an official report so that anything she says to DCF will immediately be colored as the lie that it is. I went to the police station and filed a report for verbal harassment and threats of false allegations to authorities. Did you know that filing a fictional abuse report is a felony? Long story short, we now have a no-contact order and cannot see each other, call or text. I won't shed a tear over that tragedy. Sucks that our kids can't hang out, but that crazy ass little girl (I mean the mother, not the baby, I would never talk shit about a baby because I'm not like her) is just too fucking much to deal with.

So yesterday, after the police station, I went to my school to work at this:
http://www.americanfinewinecompetition.com/
It was an enormously overly fancy wine and food gala to benefit Haiti relief. I know, I know, what a hypocrite. I don't give a flying rat's ass about Haiti, but what fun it was! Being the students, we were just waiters and wine pourers and table busers and plate prep. But the money was good, the people were good, I had such a great time and it was a good learning/networking opportunity. I do have a stomachache from all the rich people food, and it was also funny to see how sloshed the rich folks got off the overpriced bottles of prize-winning wine.

so excited!

The guy is getting out of jail tomorrow and coming to see me! I'm so excited! He sent me the sappiest card (late valentines day thing, ugh) and said he's coming over around noon.

Jasmyne put on one of my chef hats and ran around the house. I got pics, but my pic uploader is being silly so when I get em uploaded I'll post. Also some new pics of me, looking sexy and slim at 130 pounds :) I can even fit into my pre-baby size 6 jeans which is awesome.

mine are, well, MINE

So, I finished my report about cilantro and coriander. I just finished it half an hour ago in fact, which is pretty funny because it's due tomorrow and I've had 4 weeks to do it. I find I work better under pressure. Part of the report is an original recipe using our chosen herb or spice, and we get bonus points for bringing in a sample of said recipe. Since this is a culinary school for cooking enthusiasts who want to go pro, it's not really bonus points for bringing in the food. It's actually just points taken off if you decide to be an idiot. I made some bomb-ass chicken and black bean enchiladas, and shall post the recipe at the end of this post. I realize that chicken and black bean enchiladas have been done before, but mine are, well, MINE. I can't wait for school tomorrow, to try all the different foods that are being brought in.

I think I'm finally kicking this cold! Or bronchitis, or whatever it is. I have an asthma inhaler (prescribed) that really, really, REALLY helps especially now that I'm out of the cough syrup. I'm probably going to go over to my neighbor's house (not the one who lies all the time, but another neighbor who is awesome) to see her first tattoo that she just got. I love tats. My next one will be Jasmyne's name, right above a rose I have on my right ankle.

To address a comment I received: why should I "settle" for a guy with a criminal record? First off, why should a guy without a criminal record "settle" for a girl with 3 felony convictions and countless misdemeanors? Also, a relationship is better if the people involved in it have something in common. This dude and I have tons in common, and he's someone I can just sit with and talk to for hours without either one of us getting bored. The sex is also good. What do I want a square dude for anyways? Not my style at all. And btw, I am going to school. Maybe not general ed college, but a school that will actually teach me something I can use to get a job. A good job, that pays money. I'd rather be a chef and making money all the time (no matter how bad the economy gets, folks still hafta eat) than a writer and starving to death my whole life.

Chicken and black bean enchiladas
Yield: 5 enchiladas
½ pound dry black beans
2 tsp onion powder
1 bay leaf
1 tbsp olive oil
½ large onion, diced
1 pound boneless skinless chicken breast, cut into strips
taco seasoning*
1 tomato, diced and seeded
1 jalapeno pepper, diced
2 large slices red bell pepper, diced
2 scallions, diced
4-5 cilantro leaves, coarsely chopped and divided
3 tbsp fresh lime juice, divided
1-3 drops Tabasco sauce
5 flat, round, whole-grain tortillas
3c freshly grated colby jack cheese
salt and black pepper to taste

*for taco seasoning, ½ packet of commercial seasoning can be used, or the following can be combined in a small bowl:

1 tbsp all-purpose flour
1 tsp kosher salt
1 tsp white sugar
½ tsp paprika
½ tsp onion powder
½ tsp cumin
½ tsp chili powder
½ tsp garlic powder
½ tsp oregano
¼ tsp parsley
crushed red pepper flakes (to taste)

1)Sort and soak the dry beans according to package directions (quick soak or overnight). Drain beans and refill pot with water, salt, onion powder, and bay leaf. Bring to a boil, then lower heat to medium and simmer until tender, about 1-2 hours. Drain beans and set aside, reserving about 3/4c of the cooking liquid.
2)Line a cookie sheet with foil and preheat oven to 350F.
3)Heat a sautoir with olive oil and saute the diced onion until translucent. Add chicken strips and saute until fully cooked, then set aside and allow to cool.
4)While chicken is cooling, combine tomato, jalapeno, red bell pepper, scallions, 2 cilantro leaves, 1 tsbp lime juice, Tabasco, and kosher salt (to taste) to make fresh salsa.
5)Shred chicken with fingers and return to sautoir, setting the heat to low.
6)Add taco seasoning and ¼c water to the chicken, stirring until liquid is mostly absorbed. Add cooked beans, fresh salsa, 2 tbsp lime juice, and enough of the reserved bean-cooking liquid to moisten mixture. Heat through, then remove from heat.
7)Lay a tortilla down on the prepared cookie sheet and spoon chicken-bean-salsa mixture into the center in a straight line. Roll up the tortilla into a tube and place on one side of cookie sheet. Repeat this process with the other 4 tortillas.
8)Using a pastry brush, lightly coat each enchilada with olive oil.
9)Top with shredded cheese and 2-3 cilantro leaves. Bake at 350F until cheese is melted and golden, serve immediately.

anyone can lie and cops are pricks

So, they switched our groups at school and I am now working with someone who doesn't know his asshole from his elbow. He couldn't even wash the dishes, just stacked em under the table and stood there while we attempted to make food. Lame. He's gonna drag down my average, and I'm almost at an A (89% at the moment). Tomorrow's quiz and my cilantro report/recipe should bring my score up to an A no question.

And yeah, I was catching a buzz off the hydromet. So? I'm out of it, and I'm still taking care of my business instead of going out to the hood to cop one more fix. All of that "addicts are addicts forever and can never use anything because one is too many and the drug causes all the compulsion to come back" crap is just crap. I can get high without acting like an asshole about it, I'm not some sort of diseased cripple. And btw I don't care what anyone was arrested for, anyone can lie and cops are pricks. I only care what people actually did. For example, if someone shot someone and then got arrested for pot, I'd avoid them way more than the person who got arrested for domestic violence without actually doing the crime. Living next door to an oxy addict? She's not an oxy addict, she's a liar who doesn't even do pills. It's just another layer of the facade.

Naomi- congrats to your sister for the new baby. They are so loud and obnoxious when they are born, no?

I miss my kid so much during the week, I only get to see her in the mornings and then I get home at 6pm and she goes to bed an hour and a half later. Fri-Sat-Sun is the only real quality time I get to spend with her, can't wait until the weekend.

finally, right? wtf?

Been busy, not really too busy to update. Just too lazy. Whatever, not like I'm getting paid for this or anything. Plus I have shit to do all weekend.

So, I started culinary school. I go 4 days a week in the afternoons, and Jazzie goes to daycare. She picks up every cold and every flu and every virus and gives it to me. I then can't even attend class without hydromet cough syrup so I end up with a bottle of that a month (and I might need another for Monday) because I will get thrown out of class for coughing. Lame. It works really well though. School is awesome. I love to play around with recipes in that enormous well-stocked kitchen, with their Meyer lemons and Hungarian paprika and 5000-year-old pink Himalayan mountain salt. Everyone at my entire school smokes pot, which I think is hilarious. I think my chef does, and he's a Chinese man in his 60s. My chef (my teacher) is awesome, we make tons of delicious food and I love everything about school except the bus.

I don't always have to take the bus, but since I don't get my stupid govt-issued driving permission slip until March (and even then, just the hardship license since it's been over a year since my non-driving felony conviction and I am almost eligible) I have to take it home from school often. It took me a while to figure out the best route from the school to my house. At first I was waiting 25 minutes for a connection, which was lame. Also that bus was just filled with smelly Haitians. Before anyone says "racism!" you gotta understand that I live in South Florida, filled with Haitians, and that no amount of sensitivity training in the world is gonna change the fact that these people constantly reek of fish, vinegar, and fetid garbage. I was waiting for my bus at [whatever] sitting on a divided bench, and an older Haitian man comes and sits right next to me. Not on the other side of the divider, not on one of the 3 empty nearby benches, but rubbing up against me so that his vinegar stank was touching my school clothes. Barf. He asked me what my name was, I said Leslie or Lola or something with an L. Then he asked if I was single. DOUBLE BARF! I told him I was married with three kids, which I figured was four problems too many to overcome. Then I got up and got the hell away from him. The smell was really bad. But other than Haitians, I don't mind the bus much. I don't really have to focus on anything like I do during the rest of my life, I can smoke at the bus stops, and now that I've figured out the proper route I don't have to smell any stinky people on my whole ride.

My daughter is awesome. She's almost 17 months now and not as chunky as she used to be. She walks by herself (kind of a penguin waddle, but fast), she goes to the potty every morning, she says sentences (example: "I drink it all"), she loves Dora the Explorer and Go Diego Go but hates Ni-Hao Kai-Lan (which is a pretty annoying show), she eats so many different delicious healthful foods, she puts her toys away when she's done, she loves to empty cabinets and drawers, she has tantrums all over the floor, she giggles when you touch her, she's afraid of guys and doctors, she loves to play with blocks, her favorite food is a cracker, she's still allergic to soy, and she's finally growing a little bit of hair!

Words that Jazzie can say include, but are not limited to: mama, grandpa, abuela, ball, block, cracker, hi, hello, bye, no, mine, yeah, yum, dora, map, backpack, orange, color, walk, park, shoes, dog, woof, meow, bird, up, oh no, uh oh, cheese, bread, drink, juice, panda, want, shit, poop, boob, now, more, and tickle.

Being clean is awesome. I got 2 years this month, by my rules of course. :) I don't do any of those bullshit meetings, but instead when I want to get high I man the fuck up and don't do it. That disease crap is all crap anyway.

I met a dude. He's actually in jail at the moment, but he's awesome. I met him when he was dating my neighbor, and she called the cops on him and said that he was beating her. I don't believe for a second that he was beating her. My neighbor also said that a friend of ours stole $300 from her and held her daughters head underwater, and that someone broke in and took a safe containing $700, and that someone else got arrested for having dirty needles all over the apartment, and that she got in a car accident and told the cop she was on roxys and the paramedics did a scoliosis test to determine whether or not she needed to be prescribed roxys, and a host of other fantastic stories which throw her trustworthiness into question. So yeah, he didn't beat her. But he is really sexy and a lot like me (scary huh).

Yesterday I went to the zoo with baby brother (who is here for the weekend) and our friend Rick and Jazzie of course. Jazzie loves to walk around the zoo and mimic all the animal noises. We had lunch at the overpriced zoo cafeteria, where I discovered that my kid won't eat french fries or chicken nuggets. Won't even TRY french fries or chicken nuggets, or for that matter hot dogs either. She wanted her yogurt, raisins, blueberries and pieces of cheddar cheese. I guess I've done a good job feeding her healthy, but she wouldn't even taste a french fry. What kind of a weird toddler?

I wanted to do this sort of general update so that I could update my boring daily stuff more often.

Merry Christmas

I'll be on my NEW laptop pretty soon and then I'll actually update, but here's this quick tidbit: Merry Christmas, me and Jazzie had a great one, she is spoiled rotten with piles and piles of toys and books and stuff in general. I made a cake for Christmas Eve and it actually didn't stick or burn or fall apart or anything, my butter frosting was awesome too. I start school pretty soon (already did orientation) and my daughter goes to daycare for the first time next week (probably the 28th). Fun for everyone.

they don't see the irony in this AT ALL

Hey friends, stalkers, and assholes- I am now on myspace. I don't really know if I like it or not, but I figured I was the only American non-Amish under the age of 25 who didn't have a myspace, so I signed up. The url is www.myspace.com/floridashelley if anyone gives a crap.

I've decided what I want to do for a career, and that's cooking. Because of Jazzie's soy allergy I've had to be really creative in making food, since I can't go out to eat. It used to annoy me that I couldn't eat anything at any restaurant, but now I really enjoy going over menus and figuring out how to make the menu items tastier, healthier, and soy free. I'm making up my own recipes too, and trying them out. Jazzie loves to eat new foods (well, until a couple days ago because she's been pretty sick, barfing and shitting all over the place, she's finally getting better) so she enjoys it, and I love the complicated stressful running around multitasking chaos that is making a really complicated meal from scratch.

So in January, I'm going to the Florida Culinary Institute. When I was having my admissions interview, they asked for a copy of my high school diploma which I have. Imagine my surprise when I learned that the shitty boarding school I was forced in (and kept there with force) was not accredited by anything other than the guy running it. I did 3 1/2 years in high school, graduated and got a diploma, and technically I'm a high school dropout because my diploma isn't worth the paper it's printed on. I took a test to show that I know how to say "where are you?" instead of "where you at?" and that I can add fractions and do long division, so I got in anyways. I want to take the GED though, not for school but just for me. But I got accepted and financial aid is taking care of me with a Pell grant and a couple of student loans, so I start college (well, vocational school) on January 4th.

I'd go to school Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday in the afternoons. My mom will watch Jazzie Monday and Wednesday and then Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm gonna find a good day care for her. I need to find a day care that fits 3 qualifications:
1) close by (if my kid has an emergency, I don't want her to be in buttfuck egypt)
2) food allergy sensitive (don't give my kid crackers or apple juice)
3) cloth diapers ok (disposables cost too much damn $$$)
4) lets parents come in to see the babies whenever they want without an appt (nothing to hide)
5) lets me pay by the day and not by the week (I don't want to pay for 5 days and bring her in for only 2)
I think I might have found a place that fits all those qualifications but it's expensive. I'm going on Monday to check out their toddler class, where Jazzie would be.


Jazzie is such a big girl though, she loves to play with other babies and toys and crawl around screaming. She doesn't walk yet, but she says a lot of words and imitates everything. And she's growing so much hair! I bought her conditioner, although to be completely honest it's more wishful thinking than anything else.

Wal-Mart stopped selling shorts for "the winter." Apparently their corporate warehouses or whatever ship the same clothes to ALL Wal-Marts for the different seasons. The problem is, that leaves folks in northern Montana wearing the same clothes in November that the folks in Miami wear in November. and I bet the temperatures are slightly different. Like today, it's over 80 degrees and it's not even 9am. What the fuck "winter" are they referring to? All I see in Wal-Mart is coats, jackets, sweatpants, long sleeves, etc. If I wore those clothes I would pass out in the street. Baby only owns 1 coat, and she's only worn it twice (and both times for less than 1 hour). It doesn't get cold out this way until January at least, and even that "cold" is 50 degrees at the chilliest and lasts for less than 3 weeks. Fucking "winter."



I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate Al-Anon. Bunch of whiny empty nest bitches who were magically told by Jesus that if they go to enough retarded meetings and pray hard enough, little Johnny will stop smoking weed and their husband will stop drinking and beating their ass every day. "Al-Anon, help! My family hates me! They have an expensive, time-consuming habit that alienates them from the rest of the family because they think they need it and put their habit first and foremost, and that's just totally wrong! Please Al-Anon, I'll pay your fees, I'll donate, I'll put money down for the expensive hotel room for the 3-5 conferences every year, I'll buy stuff to hawk at the stupid conventions, I'll go to a meeting every day, I'll acknowledge that I *NEED* these meetings, I'll ignore my family and put the program first and foremost, anything to stop my kid/husband from having an expensive, time-consuming habit that comes first and foremost and alienates them from the rest of the family because they think they need it!" And they don't see the irony in this AT ALL. It's also slightly ironic to spend 60% of your life devoted to a program that teaches you to live and let live, and how you can't change other people, and you need to work on yourself, etc, and the other 40% of your life 9 ft up someone's ass, pissing and moaning and telling them the way they need to be doing things. Fucking silly. I'd rather she was smoking herb, I bet it's cheaper and takes less time.


Halloween was fun, Jazzie dressed up like a boy (and she fooled everyone, ha ha ha). We went to the stupid mall and went trick or treating, but since Jazzie is allergic to all that candy (chocolate = soy and fruit candy = apple juice) I just made her safe brownies to eat when she got jealous of the chocolate eating other kids. She loves brownies, she just shoved em in her mouth saying "MMMMMMMMMMM" while attempting to swallow them whole.

Jazzie has a new friend, this 2 year old girl named Celina, she's really cute and silly. Her folks are awesome too, and they live right down the street. :)


I'm really excited about Thanksgiving. Since I'm the one who can't eat anything, I'm the one who is making the entire dinner from scratch. It's going to be so exciting, I can't wait.

Anything else I forgot? If I did, I'll make an attempt to update more often because sometimes I'm just lazy and only want to play SHAPE SHIFTER and fuck around on the forums when I get online.

TNB: "I know you was wit my husband"

It's 63 degrees this morning. Sixty-fucking-three! In South Florida, and in the middle of October. It's unheard of, especially since yesterday it was in the high 80s. Time to pull out my one and only hoodie, I suppose.

The other night, I was walking through the neighborhood to the store to buy a box of disposable diapers for Jazzie (we use one disposable per day, all the rest cloth, so a box of 64 will last me until damnear Christmas) and there was a car parked blocking the sidewalk. I didn't want to stomp all over somebody's grass, so instead I walked down the driveway onto the street so I could get by. As I started walking my same path, a car pulled up behind me and stopped. I glanced back to make sure it wasn't a cop, saw a regular silver car with a woman sitting in it, and turned back around to walk but the silver car pulls up in front of me, blocking my way. The window goes down to reveal a large, ugly African-American woman, who looked very angry.

"What were you doing in mah house?" she demands to know.

Oh great, I thought. Now I gotta deal with some TNB.

"What house?" I asked, knowing full well that I hadn't been in anybody's place but my own.

"I seen you leavin' mah house, you walked right out the do', is mah husband home? Did he tell you dat he married?"

Yep, I thought, TNB for fucking sure.

"I wasn't in anybody's house, I'm just going to the store to buy diapers." I responded.

"Bitch, I seen you leave mah house, I know you was wit my husband, walk over dere and see if mah husband is home."

"Why the fuck should I? I didn't do shit," I responded, getting angrier at these baseless accusations. "I'm outta here."

"Get back over here white girl!" she yells, and then lunges at me. She grabbed my hair and pulled hard. I was hot, but at the same time slightly amused at the fact that instead of fighting, we were clearly going to be bitch-fighting. I pushed her away, and she slapped me in the jaw and ear. I was really pissed at this point, so I started running my mouth.

"I don't know your husband, but if I were him I'd be fucking anybody who wasn't your ugly ass," I yelled. Or something along those lines. Then she punched me in the mouth. I punched her in the throat and she steps back for a second, growls "whore" and comes at me again. This time I got her first, punching in the ribs. I was aiming for the solar plexus but missed, and my hand struck pretty harmlessly in her chest, and she went for the bitch-slap to the side of the face again.

"Stupid nigger!" I yelled, throwing another punch to the solar plexus but actually hitting the mark this time. She had a hold of my hair but I pulled away as she tried to regain her wind. We were both rushing towards each other again when about 7-8 kids came running out of the house (you know, the house that I was having the alleged clandestine meeting with her husband) to break us up.

"What's goin' on?" yelled one of the kids.

"That crazy bitch was in mah house, she was wit mah man!" the ugly woman screamed.

"You were in our house? How?" asked another kid, a boy maybe 11 or 12 years old. My guess is that the cherished husband was hanging out in the main room with all these kids during our supposed tryst.

"I wasn't in anybody's fucking house, this dumb whore attacked me, apparently her husband likes little white girls, that's not my fucking fault," I responded angrily.

"Just go," said the oldest kid, who looked about 16. So, I went.

Looking back, I don't know which is more disgusting: the fact that that ugly groid was married or the idea of *shudder* banging the man that would marry that. Gross. So yeah, I can't walk down my own street without getting falsely accused and assaulted by some crazy black women who (for SOME reason) can't hold onto her man so she projects her ugly hatefulness onto any chick who looks better than her (and I'm not being egotistical either, a monkey's red ass looks better than her).

And people wonder why I'm racist?

Jazzie loves Dora the Explorer

Jazzie's party pics

Happy first birthday Jasmyne Rose!!!!!!

My baby girl turns one today, she's got a stack of presents and I've been cooking all of yesterday (and shall be cooking again during her nap) for her big family party at my folk's house today. I will post lots of pictures.

9/12 March on Washington DC

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If you've been watching the news lately, you probably haven't heard about the 9/12 March. Well you might have... you know, the giant KKK rally? Where "thousands" of "conservatives" marched on the Capitol in Washington DC to like, oppress black people and kill puppies and whatnot. What actually happened, was over a million Americans marched on the Capitol in Washington DC to protest socialism, health-care reform, Obama, his 32 czars, Nancy Pelosi, the media, and foreign aid. Well, I was there and I got pictures to prove it.

Nothing could have been more fun than going to DC last week. I was at my parents house on Wednesday night, and we left on Thursday morning for a 7am flight, which Jazzie didn't much appreciate. We arrived at the airport at around 630am and realized that Jaz had peed through her entire outfit and onto my mom's shirt. I didn't even have an extra outfit in the carry-on bags, since she hasn't done that for months, so she went on the plane in just a shirt and her diaper cover. She didn't cry or whine or annoy anyone on the plane, she mostly slept and nursed and played quietly. We arrived at Reagan Airport in what is apparently Virginia at around 930am and jumped on the Metro to our hotel in downtown DC.

We got to the hotel and were told that our rooms wouldn't be ready until around 3pm. Jaz ate some oatmeal and some raisins and Cheerios at the airport, but she was a little grumpy because she usually eats a whole bunch of fruit for her meals (watermelon, blueberries, bananas, grapes, mangoes, avocado, papaya, etc). So we dropped off our luggage with the hotel folks and walked the 20 blocks over to Whole Foods. She slept the whole way over in her stroller, and when she woke up we already had her food ready and baby felt a lot better after eating her normal stuff for lunch. On the way back to the hotel, we took a cab because we didn't want to walk 20 blocks back with big grocery bags which was exciting for Jazzie.

We got tired of hanging out in the lobby, so I walked the stroller into Chinatown for no apparent reason. I learned that Newports were about ten bucks a pack in downtown DC, which is fucking sick, but I found a homeboy on the street selling Newport packs for $5. You can bet your ass I bought those. I got back to the hotel at 4pm (an hour after our room was supposed to be ready) and they told me it would be another 45 minutes. Hells to the no. I spit game until I got us different connecting rooms that were available immediately, and we went up to the 7th floor. Lucas showed up around 7pm and we went to eat at a nearby steakhouse but they had an "indefinite wait time" which was shit so we had to go to a sandwich shop instead. Jazzie had her food, but I can't eat at restaurants except for steak cooked in nothing and salad with no dressing (because of soy) so I didn't eat anything, figuring I'd figure out a way to have breakfast.

That night after Jazzie went to sleep, Lucas and I went out in DC. We had a great time, and we did finally get something to eat. :) DC is a real city, and we wanted to enjoy our time in it. The next morning (September 11) I ate breakfast meats cooked in butter at the hotel restaurant. Bacon, ham, eggs, and cheese on Whole Foods bread, basically plaque on a whole-wheat bun. It was delicious and filled with protein. We went to the Smithsonian Institute and looked at the animals, which Jazzie really enjoyed and pointed at a lot.

That night there were huge pre-Tea Party parties at the Hyatt, at our hotel, and in the streets. Lucas and I drank Long Island iced teas and talked to different people. We were compiling a list of all the different states that protesters were from, and the biggest group was from Florida (that we met) and then Ohio and Texas. Three of the necessary electoral states. :) :) The South in general was very well represented, but there were West Coasters and New Englanders as well. When I asked a Southerner what state they were from, they would scream it: "TEXAS!!" "ALABAMA!!" "TENNESSEE!!" "FLORIDA!!" but when you asked some of the others, they'd look down and whisper: "um, Massachusetts" "*cough* California *cough*" which I found pretty amusing. Another good night in the big city.

The next morning we were there for the march at 9am. Folks were gathering up at Freedom Plaza earlier, but Jazzie had to eat her breakfast first. There were so many people there, and they were all smiling and happy and talking to each other and us. The signs that folks were holding up were often funny and creative, and in that whole crowd I didn't see one single sign that used the words "black" "Negro" or "nigger." I also didn't see any black folks there protesting, except for the ACORN counter-protesters. I'm glad that the ACORN folks were there, because they were exercising their first amendment rights same as the rest of us. I think the black folks who were there, protesting against Obama, that shows some real courage on their part- awesome for them.

There was a helicopter overhead, so we started yelling at it "read the bill! read the bill!" but we were passing by a building with the first amendment written on the wall (ironically enough, the Museum of Journalism) so Lucas started chanting "read the wall! read the wall!" Of course, it's really easy to start a chant in a crowd like that so everyone quickly caught on. A woman with a loudspeaker was trying to read the text of the first amendment but signs were in the way, so I ran over to her and showed her my smaller sign which had it written. I think we accomplished a lot at that march.

Here are some signs that I saw there that I didn't get any pictures of for one reason or another:
"I got tired of yelling at my TV so I came here"
"We are exercising our first amendment rights, but if that fails, there's always the second amendment."
"Bury Obamacare with Kennedy"
"Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than all of my guns"
"THIS time we came unarmed!"
"Okay, I'm here, now where's my check?"
"Where will Canadians go for their healthcare?"
(held by a man in an Obama mask) "It's not my fault, it was the previous administration"



Oh, and we actually cleaned up after ourselves too. :)

what I've been up to

=I've been traveling a lot with baby and others and having a great time. Today is this concert called the Rockstar Mayhem Tour.

http://www.mayhemfest.com

It's gonna be so much damn fun.

a day in the life

I tried to put these pictures in order, but I'm not the most computer-savvy bitch alive (obviously) so here they are randomly. This is just one really fun day with baby, if you think it's boring or redundant I don't really care. Bask in the glory of Jasmyne's beautiful face.

at the grocery store

making sleepy faces on the changing table

right after eating a snack (banana)

the same grocery store trip as before, reaching for orange juice

look at her teeth! 8 of 'em now!

car seat chillin'

more grocery shoppin'- Jazzie loves mushrooms

at this indoor playground in Gardens

crawlin' around the house

more car seat chillin'

same indoor playground

bouncing her on the trampoline

eating... breakfast? lunch? dinner?

big smiles

she's like a puppy who got into her kibble, no?