Sunday, April 26, 2009

real SoFla shit

Yesterday I went to the seafood festival in Pompano and today I went to the sweet corn fiesta in Royal Palm. I am so damn sunburned, but I always get burned and then it just builds up into a tan. Real SoFla shit. I couldn't eat anything anywhere, cept corn. I tried giving Jazzie applesauce but then she got really bad gas and was screaming all day and night yesterday. Tons of fun. I got 8 days off methadone and I still feel like crap and don't sleep much. Most of this week I've been helping Greg at a painting job. By "help" I mean distract him and wave the baby at him, which is fun. Tried them 5-Hour Energy drinks that Lucas hyped, but they suck. All in all, I'm doing pretty well.

Boring update, but what can ya do.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

the funniest joke I've ever read...

At the end of the tax year, the IRS sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue.

While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said: "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"

"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick".

Monday, April 20, 2009

phrases that piss me off majorly

politically correct- this expression comes from the former USSR, with politically incorrect speech (anything against the government) punishable by imprisonment or death. Does this concept have any place in the USA? Hells no.

African-American- most blacks in America are not African in amy way. Hell, most whites here can trace their roots back to Europe, but we don't call a random white American a 'European-American' because white people are not supposed to have a culture.

media attack machine- it doesn't matter if it's the "right wing attack machine" or the "liberal attack machine", its still stupid. If you don't like a certain media source, don't watch/read/listen. Just change the channel. Yes, Fox News leans right. Yes, CNN leans left. So what?

animal rights- as Rush would say, animals have no rights. Don't y'all animal rights folk believe in evolution? As in survival of the fittest? Well in that case, animals had better go ahead and adapt to US, the human beings, who are at the top of the food chain whether you like it or not. It is not our responsibility to impede human progress to protect any species, it is their responsibility to survive IN SPITE of our influence. Animal rights activists are usually more anti-human than pro-animal.

income tax- unconstitutional involuntary labor for the government.

minimum wage- a restriction on free trade and actually bad for American workers.

affirmative action- government sponsored racism.

reverse racism- this implies that "normal" racism is always whites hating blacks, and that it is somehow different and needs its own phrase if blacks are hating whites. Wrong- it's exactly the same thing, so "reverse" is unnecessary.

gun-free zone- I wonder how many shootings take place in gun-free zones? That's where I'd go rob a house, cause no one had guns.

zero tolerance- fascism by definition.

[any American president]= Hitler- disrespectful to all the people who died in the Holocaust, at least until the death camps open up.

war on drugs- prohibition revisited, with all of the exact same problems we had back then, especially the violence caused by organized crime running substances.

pain and suffering- get over it and take some responsibility for your probably retarded actions that caused you to get hurt. In some cases, some folks should have their medical bills paid but if these million dollar lawsuits over coffee burns and lost pants are just ridiculous.

endorphin deficiency syndrome OR post-acute withdrawal syndrome- can you be honest with yourself long enough to drop this "syndrome" bullshit and just say that you want to get high? No one wants to hear your excuses, just cop a bag or a pill and shut the fuck up.

I'm gonna get some shit for this next one...
harm reduction- because if there's a group of folks really concerned about their health and general well-being, it's drug addicts. The whole game is a risk which druggies voluntarily take, why should the government then fund protection from their own habits, which they chose to partake in? There's also the fact that as long as drugs are illegal, govt-funded harm reduction programs are complete and total hypocritical bullshit. "Drugs are illegal, says us, but since we know you can't or won't obey this law, let me throw some money around to protect you while you go against the legal code." Bullshit. The only real "harm reduction" is legalization, period.

racial pride/gay pride- save the pride for something you actually accomplished instead of something you were born with and have no control over. Might as well say "I'm proud to wear size 8 1/2 shoes."

progressive- ever notice that most self-described progressives are anti-capitalism, pro-welfare, and anti-progress? Weird...

Drug Enforcement Agency- just die already (not the employees, just the organization).

speech codes- ummmmm, first amendment?

National Endowment for the Arts- go ahead and put the cross in piss, or draw a Mohammed cartoon, or stick a bullwhip up your ass and photograph it for all I care- freedom of expression. But why should tax dollars pay for this crap? You feel really strongly about public art, then put your money where your mouth is and donate so these, ahem... "artists" can continue to create. Where in the Constitution does it say that funding art galleries is a function of government anyways? Hint: it doesn't.

loitering with intent to commit illegal activities- how in the hell can you legislate something like intent? If we are innocent until proven guilty, and you can't prove something that hasn't happened yet, how in the hell is this shit legal?

separation of church and state- this phrase is NOT in the Constitution, and the "establishment clause" where this phrase came from is constantly misinterpreted. Voluntary (that's the key word) prayer in public schools, teaching intelligent design alongside evolutionary theory in science class, town halls erecting a Christmas nativity, or reading the Bible on break at work are NOT "Congress making any law respecting an establishment of religion" and are completely 100% Constitutional. In fact, banning some of those things might be stepping on the "free exercise" clause...

compassionate conservative- stop trying to make your political position more palatable to the other side, grow a set of balls and just be conservative.

racial quotas- government sponsored racism.

gun control- forget about waiting periods, carry permits, non-violent felons, mental patients, and fully automatic weapon bans- throw all of it away. Just let us all have guns and who knows, maybe violent crime might even go down.

partial-birth abortion- I try to be pro-choice because I love freedom, but I can't get past the part where they're killing babies who could survive on their own. I don't see the difference between partial birth abortion and stabbing my 7-month-old in the brain with a steak knife.

seatbelt laws- "oh, if only I, an American adult, had someone to keep me safe while I drive my own car! The fact that the seatbelt is right there means nothing, because no one is actively forcing me to wear it or threatening fines for not wearing it. Wait, big government is here to protect me from myself? FINALLY!" If you want to travel headfirst through your windsheild at 65mph, that should be your business.

feminist- yes we get it, abortions are awesome and men suck. Now will you take that butchie shit somewhere else because real women are sick of hearing it.

gay marriage "slippery slope" argument- how will Jacob and Steve's legal marriage affect YOUR straight marriage. Here's a hint: it won't. And how 2 legal adults (who have legal standing and can sign a marriage certificate) getting hitched can lead to a man marrying his sheep (who of course has no legal standing) or a little kid (who also has no legal standing) is really reaching. Just get married to who you love, folks, and if you really hate gay marriage then don't get gay married.

homophobe/homophobic/homophobia- do they really think we're AFRAID of those little fairyboys? HAH! Why not just "homohateric" or something more appropriate that will echo the general population's feeling on gays?

President Obama- I hope he fails miserably.

institutional racism- translation: "I didn't do a single thing right and fucked myself and others at every possible opportunity, but I'm a member of a protected victim group so it's not my fault." Cough cough HORSESHIT.

reparations- if you can name ONE black person in 2009 who has been enslaved legally by ONE white person in America, then maybe that person (but no one else) deserves reparations from his ex- owner (and only him). But that one person doesn't exist so shut up black people! We have a black president, y'all won, not shut the fuck up.

the rich get richer while the poor get poorer- why can't they BOTH get richer or BOTH get poorer? Hint: that's how it works in real life.

man-made global warming/climate change- cyclic warming and cooling of the earth has been occuring since way before humans existed. Blaming 200 years of industry on the imminent destruction of the entire planet is ignorant, not to mention ridiculous.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals- could they have chosen a crazier spokesperson?

gender is unrelated to sex- do I really need to say anything about this gay shit?

political prisoner- why is it that everyone who is referred to as a political prisoner has killed a bunch of people? Just call them murderers. Yes, I know, there are REAL political prisoners (such as anyone jailed for nonviolent drug "crimes") but I'm not talking about them, I'm talking about the ACLU-sponsered politically-correctly-colored murderers.

blogosphere- a pretentious way to say "blogs." Just say blogs.

the Twelve Steps- here's a program with the same 3-5% success rate as every other drug program on the planet, and yet they claim to have a monopoly on truth and getting clean. There's a lie in there somewhere. These programs are all about brainwashing, whining, and pseudo-superiority.

Al-Anon- 12-steppers who never did drugs or drank or gambled but still felt the need to whine in a circle for an hour a day. No one cares what happened with your drunken daddy 50something years ago. Get over it and stop rehashing ancient bullshit.

Scientologists- how much money do I hafta pay to learn the "great truths" of space aliens and thetan levels? This is not a religion, it's a worldwide scam., Why doesn't Stephen King or Ray Bradbury start a religion so we can take THAT seriously too. And not only are the CoS the most lawsuit-happy "church" in existence, they are also the most secretive. Anyother religion will tell you what they believe, and happily. What are they hiding?

9-11/Katrina conspiracy theories- these people believe that Bush is a monkey and the dumbest fool in America, yet he orchestrated a devestating attack on his own country's soil "for oil money" and still had enough brains and evil cunning left to create a hurricane, blow up levies, and drown a bunch of black folks just for shits and giggles. Brilliant analysis.

protected victim groups- these people don't need protection against getting their wittle feewings hurt, just get over it already.

white guilt- race traitors and race baiters. I never kept the black man down myself. I refuse to take on guilt for something that other people, people who share nothing with me but approximate pigmentation, might or might not have done generations ago.

hate crimes- thought legislation and mind control. Re: 1984 by George Orwell,

wealth redistribution- eventually you run out of other peoples money.

tolerance- not everyone will like you- get over it. Also, this leads to policies that, and I quote, "tolerate everything except intolerance." Ummmm, say that again?

nationalized healthcare- an obvious overstep of the governments responsibility.

diversity- the same folks who strive for racial diversity will do most anything to avoid diversity of thought, such as people who don't believe that diverse always equals better.

pro-choice- if they really supported a woman's right to choose, then why do they get so pissed when someone chooses NOT to abort? "Freedom of choice" means that abortion, motherhood, and adoption are all equally acceptable options. Otherwise, you're just anti-baby.

Anyone have any that I missed?

Friday, April 17, 2009

the beginning of the end

Today is my first day not going to the methadone clinic. I feel like hell and never sleep, but at least it can finally fucking end. Wish me luck.

To entertain you now that I can post pics, here are some of Jasmyne eating her solid food for the first time which were taken a few weeks back. I started her on solids late because I wanted to, before anyone asks, and she now eats rice, peas, and carrots. Next: sweet potatoes.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

west palm beach tea party pictures

Jasmyne only dropped that flag once the whole time we were there

local news coverage...
that entire parking garage was filled with people too

the pirate ship, as in "stop the federal pirates"

that sign was my absolute favorite,
except for one that I didn't get a pic of that said,
"The South will rise again!"
"no credible opposition"

in case you can't read the lower sign, it says,
"blaming guns for crimes is like blaming keyboards for misspelled words"

and of course, the cutest "sign" of all- Jazzie

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

it's april 15, do you know where your taxes are going?

I would have been posting pics but there's something wrong with my picture folder. Every time I open it, everything shuts down. And I would just move the pics to another folder, but I can't open the fucking thing. Lame. Just wanted to say that later today I'll be at the local Tax Day Tea Party protest in downtown West Palm Beach today. I got a onesie for Jaz that says "I'm paying for your bailout." Her very first anti-government protest! So I will figure out how to post pics, and will do so tonight or tommorrow because I want those pics on my blog dammit!

Here is the main website for the tea parties:

Here is a retardedly conservative viewpoint on the tea parties:

Here is a retardedly liberal viewpoint on the tea parties:

Down with big government! Down with small government! Freedom!!!!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

a reason to celebrate...

Jasmyne isn't allergic to dairy! wOOt!!!!!!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


Completely stolen word for word from someone on a forum I frequent, and I will give him credit if he tells me I should. Until then, just know that this is nothing but copy-paste.

1. Executive order forcing tax payers to fund abortions overseas.

2. Executive order to close Gitmo within a year (he's still trying to figure out what to do with the prisoners there, apparently having given it little thought before making his campaign promises).

3. Executive order effectively ending serious interrogations of illegal enemy terrorists by limiting questioning to the techniques spelled out in the Army Field Manual, pending advice from an advisory task force created by the President.

4. Suspended the military commission process, and dropped charges against Abd al-Rahim al-Nashiri, the alleged mastermind of the USS Cole bombing and other terrorist attacks, to the outrage and consternation of the victims' families, though new charges could still theoretically be filed.5. Signed so called "Fair Pay Act" into law, violating his "transparency" promise to publicly post legislation for people to observe for five days before signing. The act is a boon to trial lawyers as it eliminates the statute of limitations for filing law suits alleging discrimination despite the current economic downturn, and it would force employers to pay completely different types of jobs equally, with government regulators determining which unrelated jobs (like janitorial and secretarial work) are "equivalent".Supporters of the bill completely ignore studies by economists like June O'Neill (who served in the Clinton administration) that virtually all but a tiny percentage of the pay disparity between men and women can be accounted for by legitimate factors like experience and qualifications.

6. Signed a dramatic expansion in SCHIP, violating his "transparency" promise to publicly post legislation for people to observe for five days before signing.The expansion will mainly fund government health insurance for children (and some adults) who already have private health insurance, raising a steep cigarette tax to ostensibly pay for it, while ignoring evidence that such programs serve to drive up general health care costs for everyone.

7. Alienated tens of millions of Americans by frivolously attacking Rush Limbaugh, the biggest conservative icon in the country.

8. Nominated a Treasury Secretary who failed to pay tens of thousands of dollars in taxes and employed an illegal alien.

9. Nominated a Commerce Secretary who was forced to withdraw in the midst of a corruption scandal.

10. Nominated a Health and Human Services Secretary who withdrew after it was discovered that he had failed to pay over a hundred thousand dollars in taxes.

11. Nominated a Chief Performance Officer who withdrew after it was discovered that she had failed to pay a significant amount of taxes.

12. Nominated an Attorney General who was involved in the Clinton pardon scandals and who worked to get over a dozen terrorists released from prison.

13. Selected a Chief of Staff (Rahm Emanuel) from Chicago with a reputation for ruthlessness who is widely disliked across the political spectrum.

14. Nominated a long time politician with no national security experience to head the CIA. Currently concerns are being raised over funding he received from various banks and other institutions.

15. Nominated for Deputy Attorney General a man who has argued that American courts should defer to the opinions of foreign bodies, even when the US isn't a party to a pertinent treaty that would make such rulings legally relevant.

16. Despite pledging that lobbyists "won't find a job in my White House," has given high power jobs to at least a dozen lobbyists so far.

17. Has transferred at least partial oversight of the census from the Commerce Department to "senior White House management" (see Rahm Emanuel), effectively politicizing the process that determines Congressional apportionment and influences government funding.

18. Under the guise of immediate "stimulus", has aggressively pushed for the passage of an almost trillion dollar spending package that largely consists of ad hoc pork elements, infrastructure projects that will play out only over a long period of time, and welfare style transfer payments erroneously labeled "tax cuts".

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

twenty things...

Stole this from another blog- Hope ya don't mind since I gave ya credit and all...

1) List 20 things that you want to say to people, but never will.
2) Don't say who they are.
3) Never discuss it again.
4) Don't answer people who question who these thoughts are to or about.
5) Take a guess if you want, ha.

  1. He's not yours anymore, so this silly high-school shit needs to end, how old are you anyways?
  2. Please keep your fun in check, you don't know how worried I get about you now and I can't say anything because I'll sound like your mama, but I love you.
  3. I'm sorry I considered killing you, I didn't know what else to do.
  4. I'm the one who called the cops on you, and I'd do it again in a second you murdering fuck.
  5. I know, you're better than me, everything I like sucks, everything you like is pure and perfect. Now wouldja shut up about it?
  6. Weed isn't the only thing in the world, sure it's awesome, but it's just an enhancer not a lifestyle in itself, OKAY?????
  7. Sometimes I don't like hanging out with you because I know we won't do anything besides chill.
  8. There aren't any microphones in the stroller and if you so much as touch her I will rip your nuts off and shove them down your throat.
  9. You're ugly, mean, and everyone hates you- but it's not my fault.
  10. What, do you have fag-PMS all day every day? Just because someone said something sarcastic doesn't mean they was talking to you, grow some thicker skin and quit bitching you fucking know-it-all queen.
  11. I wanted to do it because I knew you'd leave and I couldn't stand looking at your sad annoying fucking face for one more day.
  12. I took the time we spent together for granted, and now you're gone and I still miss you all the time, I love you my friend.
  13. I don't know if I can believe you because I know you're capable of anything and I want you to stay the fuck away from me until this whole mess is over.
  14. I didn't kill him! I wasn't even home! When oh WHEN are you gonna stop calling me and making threats!
  15. Yeah I hate niggers, and I hate you most of all, I hope you die of the plague and take all your buddies with you before you ruin everything.
  16. I don't care if you switched ROAs or how many little keytags you've accumulated, you're still a fucking junkie and I'm not.
  17. She's gonna leave you soon as the baby is born, I hope you're prepared to be a single father.
  18. You are, but I don't expect you to do anything about it.
  19. I gave you his needle on purpose knowing what he had, and I'm not sorry.
  20. In another life, me and you would have gotten married, bought a house, and had 2.5 children together, and you know this, but you *don't* know how close I came to falling in love with you dirt and all.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

the illusion that you're doing something fun

I've been a drug addict (by choice!) for years, but it wasn't just about drugs. It's more about excitement and doing something fun. I'd want to go out and have some crazy adventures, in fact that's why this blog began- to chronicle all the crazy shit that went down in my life on a near-daily basis. And in my using days, even when nothing interesting happened, I felt like something had. Because sitting in a motel room all night smoking crack and not going near the door gives you the illusion that you're doing something fun. Either that or it makes you not give a shit, possibly even a combination of the two. But since it would NOT be advantageous to me or the baby for me to start doing drugs again, (Greg- that's how you use that word properly) I need to find something to do along with a babysitter while I do it.

I love my kid, there's no question about that. She's funny, she's cute, she's usually happy, she's smart, she does a lot of silly things, she's the best kind of baby and I would probably never be truly happy again if I lost her. But she is a 6-month-old baby, and 6-month-old babies are boring. Here is my day: go to the methadone clinic, go to [the playground/Okeeheelee Park's nature trail/the mall/baby story hour/the grocery store], feed the baby, play with the baby, sit around the house with the baby, go to the playground/grocery store again, think up a soy-free dairy-free nut-free seafood-free egg-free dinner that will taste good, feed baby, put baby to bed, go online. Occasionally I go to Greggie's house and do the same things over there. I am very happy, but as an excitement junkie I am fucking bored as shit.

Last weekend I left Jazzie at Greg's house and went out with my parents to see Monsters Vs Aliens: The IMAX 3-D Experience. Great movie, not exciting. I need something to do, but nothing that could hurt the baby or get her taken away from me. My poor brother is bored too, I told him that if it was just me we would have already left on an exciting road trip. He said we should do it and bring Jaz, but then it would be boring.

Hell, I'm going to Disneyworld at the beginning of next month, to celebrate my freedom from the liquid handcuffs (methadone). I am at 5mg a day and feeling like total shit! But this bitch is strong, and I ain't gonna fuck it up. Y'all can hold me to that. If only I could find something fun to do...