Saturday, December 20, 2008

*not* for widespread people-pleasing

The first comment on the last post is hilarious! "i thought i was a blog about dancing. turns out its a blog about being a fucking idiot." Hahahahahaha, that made me laugh pretty hard. I appreciate Greg and the second anonymous standing up for me, but being called an idiot online doesn't make me sad all righty? In fact, it cracked me up hardcore- and I needed a laugh! : )

Anyways, the diss/joke/confusion about my blog title tells me that I need to explain where the title of my blog came from, although I'm sure I have posted this same shit at least once in 2 years of bullshitting. If I did, oh well, here it is again. The full title of my blog is the title AND the heading together: "Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music." It is a quote from my comedy hero- the late, great, rude, crude, always angry and incredibly hilarious George Carlin! The quote was too long for a title, so I split it up into the actual "title" part as well as the thingy that goes under it (I can't remember if it's called the heading or description or something totally different) using this "..." 3-dot crap. That is why my blog is known as, "Those who dance..." For those of you who already knew that, you didn't hafta read this paragraph. Ha ha.

Greg wanted me to clarify something from the last post: there is a story behind the illustration that I posted. A little kid drew that picture for school and handed it in to her teacher, who thought that the girl was drawing her mother as a stripper or pole-dancer. So she called in the girl's mama and asked her what she did for a living, and the mama said she worked at Home Depot as a saleswoman. They asked the girl what was up with the drawing, and she answered, "It's you at Home Depot, mama, selling a snow shovel to people!" I just thought it would be funny to post, because I have a little girl and I was a stripper... whatever.
If you didn't like it, I don't much care; this blog is for me, *not* for widespread people-pleasing. I may want everyone to be happy, but I tend not to care what anybody thinks about me personally. But of course anyone who has been reading me for a long time already knows that. Till next time...

Friday, December 19, 2008

taking lemons and making lemonade

I went to court on the 17th. Court began at 845am, and I showed up at 9, like usual. Greg was there, of course, and so was my dad as well as my brother and his friend Travis (who I suppose showed up out of morbid curiosity). The judge called my name around 10, and I told him that I was waiting for my attorney. So I waited, and waited, and waited. I managed to keep little Jaz quiet until noon, when he called me up to the stand. Morning court was damnear over, and my attorney still hadn't shown up. The public defender called her cellphone (which I had already tried and got her voicemail) and she apparently had forgotten that we had court that day. She was at the courthouse, so she offered to run right over in her jeans. I asked the judge if instead, we could reschedule my plea until after the holidays so that I could bring the baby to see my family for Christmas, then waited for him to say NO. He completely surprised me by saying, "well, you've been pretty patient... you've kept the baby quiet too, let's go ahead and reschedule for January [blah]. Go ahead and call [my lawyer's name] and let her know." Not bad, right?
Other than that, nothing much is going on. Jasmyne is the best baby in the world and she is growing a lot, so I just had to get rid of her clothes that didn't fit- most of them! I need 3-6mo sizes now, even though she is not quite 11 weeks old. Anyone who wants to help me out so my baby can have a good Christmas, my paypal virtual-panhandling link is still in the same place.
Still clean, still doing good, still with Greggie, still happy. The thing with me and Greg is this: we disagree about EVERYTHING. Give us a topic- political, economic, social, religious/spiritual, environmental, parenting, fashion, music, movies, families, the temperature outside today, what to watch on TV, how to spend free time, anything at all- and we will argue about it. So we are constantly bickering, sometimes to the point of yelling. But when either me or Greg has a real problem, we declare a temporary truce from whatever pointless "discussion" we are currently involved in and take care of the problem together. That is how you know you're with the right person- if they are there for you when you really need them. Having "soooo much in common" is overrated. Greg and I have NOTHING in common except Jasmyne (and you should hear us argue about her, though not in front of her) and we love each other a lot!
Starting on Jan 24, I get to say that, as a white girl, "the man is keepin' me down." I am gonna use this at every opportunity I get. THAT, by the way, is taking lemons and making lemonade.
By the way, the picture at the top is actually a mom working at Home Depot, selling a snow shovel. But I like it anyway- it fits my blog perfectly, doesn't it?

Friday, December 5, 2008

fuck political correctness!!!!

Oh I just gotta post this!!!! I cannot take credit for it though... shall post where it came from at the bottom okay??? Shelley does NOT plagarize!!

White Guilt is Dead
Free at last, free at last!

By Tom Adkins
Editor's note: This originally appeared in the Philadelphia Inquirer.

Look at my fellow conservatives! There they go, glumly shuffling along, depressed by the election aftermath. Not me. I'm virtually euphoric.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not thrilled with America's flirtation with neo-socialism. But there's a massive silver lining in those magical clouds that lofted Barack Obama to the Presidency. For today, without a shred of intellectually legitimate opposition, I can loudly proclaim to America: The Era of White Guilt is over.
This seemingly impossible event occurred because the vast majority of white Americans didn't give a fluff about skin color, and enthusiastically pulled the voting lever for a black man. Not just any black man. A very liberal black man who spent his early career race-hustling banks, praying in a racist church for 20 years, and actively worked with America-hating domestic terrorists. Wow! Some resume! Yet they made Barack Obama their leader. Therefore, as of November 4th, 2008, white guilt is dead.
For over a century, the millstone of white guilt hung around our necks, retribution for slave-owning predecessors. In the 60s, American liberals began yanking that millstone while sticking a fork in the eye of black Americans, exacerbating the racial divide to extort a socialist solution. But if a black man can become President, exactly what significant barrier is left? The election of Barack Obama absolutely destroys the entire validation of liberal white guilt. The dragon is hereby slain.
So today, I'm feeling a little "uppity," if you will. From this day forward, my tolerance level for having my skin color hustled is now exactly ZERO. And it's time to clean house. No more Reverend Wright's "God Damn America," Al Sharpton's Church of Perpetual Victimization, or Jesse Jackson's rainbow racism. Cornell West? You're a fraud. Go home. All those "black studies" programs that taught kids to hate whitey? You must now thank Whitey. And I want that on the final.
Congressional Black Caucus? Irrelevant. Maxine Waters? Shut up. ACORN? Outlawed. Black Panthers? Go home and pet your kitty. Black separatists? Find another nation that offers better dreams. Go ahead. I'm waiting.
Gangsta rappers? Start praising America. Begin with the Pledge of Allegiance. And please, no more ebonics. Speak English, and who knows where you might end up? Oh, yeah, pull up your pants. Your underwear is showing. You look stupid.
Black Fraternities? Seek diversity. Race card? It's now the joker. Miss Black America? Get in line with all the other lovely ladies. Reparations? Paid.
To those Eurosnots who forged entire careers hating America? I'm still waiting for the first black French President.
And let me offer an equal opportunity whupping. I've always despised lazy white people. Now, I can talk smack about lazy black people.You're poor because you quit school, did drugs, had three kids with three different fathers, and refuse to work. So when you plop your Colt 45-swilling, Oprah watchin' butt on the couch and complain "Da Man is keepin' me down," allow me to inform you: Da Man is now black. You have no excuses.
No more quotas. No more handouts. No more stealing my money because someone's great-great-great-great grandparents suffered actual pain and misery at the hands of people I have no relation to, and personally revile.
It's time to toss that massive, obsolete race-hustle machine upon the heap of the other stupid 60s ideas. [[Drag it over there, by wife swapping, next to dope-smoking. Plenty of room right between free love and cop-killing. Careful, don't trip on streaking. There ya go, don't be gentle. Just dumpit. Wash your hands. It's filthy.]]*
In fact, Obama's ascension created a gargantuan irony. How can you sell class envy and American unfairness when you and your black wife went to IvyLeague schools, got high-paying jobs, became millionaires, bought a mansion,and got elected President? How unfair is that??? Now, Like a delicious O'Henry tale, Obama's spread-the-wealth campaign rendered itself moot by it's own victory! America is officially a meritocracy. Obama's election has validated American conservatism!
So, listen carefully...Wham!!!
That's the sound of my foot kicking the door shut on the era of white guilt. The rites have been muttered, the carcass lowered, dirt shoveled, and tombstone erected. White guilt is dead and buried.
However, despite my glee, there's apparently one small, rabid bastion of American racism remaining. Black Americans voted 96% for Barack Obama. Hmmm. In a color-blind world, shouldn't that be 50-50? Tonight, every black person should ask forgiveness for their apparent racism and prejudice towards white people. Maybe it's time to start spreading the guilt around.

Tom Adkins is the former publisher of CommonConservative( He can be reached

[*] for the record, Shelley sees NO problem with wife swapping, dope smoking, free love, cop killing, or streaking.